Swing Your Heartache
by nyxie9
Summary: Part 4 in the Veridicality series. This installment takes place a few weeks after the last chapter in Why Won't You Stay and during Faith in the show. "It's time for you and I to face the signs and realize that living's a battle, for all the times we cried and told the lies and realized life's not a rehearsal, come on babe, swing your heartache."
1. Chapter 1

**Swing Your Heartache**

 **C** **hapter 1**

 **Summary** : This is the 4th story in my Supernatural saga. In case you haven't been following the whole series, this comes after The Mercy of Fortune, Waiting for A Coincidence, and Why Won't You Stay. This installment takes place a few weeks after the last chapter in Why Won't You Stay and during Faith in the show.

* * *

Mavis Singer's normal screening process was nonexistent so when her phone rang, she simply answered it. "'lo?" She offered as a sleepy greeting.

"Mae?"

She blinked and sat up in bed, inexplicably turning on the light as she registered who was on the other end of the line. When she realized who it was, she was a bit confused because he rarely called her. After all, while she and Sam were friends, she'd hurt his brother and those bonds were stronger. She couldn't pretend otherwise. "Sam? It's late. Usually-"

"It's Dean."

There was a tightness and a hint of alarm in his voice, she noted but oddly enough it didn't concern her too much. If Dean were too mopey or bothered by her asking for space, there wasn't much she could do to fix it. She still needed space. She yawned sleepily. "I'm sure he'll be back by morning. If he's not call-"

"No, Mae. He's hurt."

She hadn't expected that to be reason Sam called. And it hadn't been something she had anticipated or feared. There was still a foolishly naive part of her that saw Dean as invincible. It obviously hadn't diminished with time or age. Now, with those three words, her mind was reeling with the possibilities of what it meant. Her heart tightened in a way she didn't find reassuring. "What? What happened?"

"A hunt, it went… bad and…" Sam paused, searching for what to say all that came out was his honest, raw fear, "It's bad. I don't know to do. Mae, I just don't know what to do."

He had to keep clearing his throat, pushing down that emotion that was all too close to the surface. Sam was more willing to reach out like this. Dean might have waited longer she thought. Well, he would have called her for Sam, even if things were tense between them. Either way, it meant things were worse off than Sam was telling her.

Because she hadn't said anything right away, Sam began to explain more and trying to convince her that he needed her help. No words could have compelled her more than the tremble in his voice. She made a shushing sound, throwing the covers back as she got out of bed. Any notion that she could get back to sleep was gone. "Okay Sam, it'll be okay."

It didn't placate him very well. "I've been calling around, trying to find someone…. I uh, I'm gonna try Dad again. He won't pick up."

"Alright Sam." Her voice was very kind, very maternal as she spoke. "Just… calm down a second. Where are you guys now?"

"Hospital."

"Okay, um so I don't have to drive to every hospital between here and the coast, could you give me a little more detail where you are?"

"Yeah, yeah… sorry." He told her where they were, and it wasn't exactly close, but she could push her way across the Midwest to get there. "I—just hurry."

"Sam… I… is he really that bad off?"

"His heart, the doctors say… he probably has a few weeks, maybe a month." He took a pained breath. "Mae if you know any way to save him…"

"Hey, I don't want to see him go down on the job either but all I have is paramedic training, field medic sort of stuff. I'm not a doctor, if they-"

"I mean a spell, a witch doctor, something."

She was quiet. She pinched the bridge of his nose. A part of her ran though the spells and everything else she might have known but none of them were too pretty or clean. "Sammy, I don't think that's a good idea. We shouldn't… if you and I set that sort of thing into motion, tampering with the natural order of things—"

"Screw the natural order! This is my brother we're talking about here. This is Dean. The man you love! Wouldn't you do anything to save him?"

He wasn't pulling his punches. More accurately he was being manipulative and damned if it didn't work. "I… yes but not something that would… I don't know anything that would do that without turning him into something evil and I won't do that to him."

"Fine. I'll do it myself." Sam hung up the phone, anger clear in his last word to her.

* * *

When Dean heard the footsteps in the hall, the last person he thought they'd belong to was Mavis Singer. But there she was, leaning almost casually in the doorway. She wore faded jeans, those perpetually scarred boots, a soft looking green t-shirt and a leather jacket. Her hair brushed over her shoulders, red accenting the camel color of her jacket. God, she was gorgeous. There was no other way to describe her.

If there was anything wrong with her, it looked like she had dark circles under her eyes. Seeing her made his gut twist. His worry increased and despite his best intentions the excitement he always felt when he saw her bloomed again. His smile was barely there but the heart monitor gave him away as it because beeping faster when he saw her. "Mae."

"Dean."

She couldn't even give him a fake smile. There was no way she could, seeing him in that hospital bed. He looked terrible. He looked worse than sick, worse than injured. Her thoughts must have read clearly over her face because his smile faded with a sigh. "Oh god, I must have died if you came all the way here."

That earned him a small turn of her lips. The smirk that settled on her face however was more pitying than anything else. She shook her head, coming in the room, and pulling the chair closer to his bedside without invitation. "Not quite."

Her one- or two-word answers irritated him. He found them disconcerting. It was like she was here to pay her final respects. While he was sure he was dying, he didn't need anyone to throw it in his face. After their last conversation, he'd held out hope that she would simply come around in a day or two and call him, but she hadn't. He didn't think the attraction, the draw was just on his end. She had to feel something, but she was so good a shutting it down. Frankly, he wanted to fight with her. At least that would have felt normal. "Well you look like crap, Red." He quipped.

"Gee, thanks."

Her expression was just too somber. Even if it were an accurate assessment, he wanted her to do him the favor of hiding that. He would have masked his nervousness for her. "You do. I mean I'm the one who just rode the lightning and I bet you I look better than you."

Her mouth tightened. "I drove all night to get here, ingrate."

Grinning, he was glad he could goad her back into a more typical ornery response rather than the sweet condolatory one. He didn't mind her trying to take care of him or even being kind to him, but he didn't need her pity. "You could have at least done your make up or put on something skimpy. I saw some of those lacy numbers in your underwear drawer. Maybe throw on a trench coat over that. After all I'm supposed to be on the mend."

The redhead finally cracked a very faint smile and that tightness in her shoulders lessened. She still wasn't sure how she was supposed to act yet. It wasn't just because he was in the hospital; it was because they hadn't left things on the best of terms. To be fair, she hadn't left things on the best of terms. He had been more than willing to… figure things out with her. Dean wasn't the bad guy, he was actually trying to be a good friend.

"I really didn't expect to see you here, Mae."

She shrugged, easing out of her coat now. "Sam called me and told me you were hurt. What would you expect me to do?"

Dean was still feeling snarky, a little manipulative when he spoke. "Ignore it, like all of my calls. Tell him you needed _space_."

While he wanted her to come up with some sort of spectacular excuse that put her distant behavior over the last few days into perspective, she only nodded. "I guess that's fair enough. I uh, I wasn't… well hell, I didn't expect this."

"So… why are you here now? Just because I'm dying."

"Yes."

While she had come all the way to see him, she was still as distant as she had been since he last saw her. It was like she was just going through the motions here and he didn't like it. "I guess you've seen me, I've seen you and now I can kick the bucket."

Why the hell couldn't she just say or do the right thing? The both wondered it but only one of them was hoping it would somehow change with the blink of an eye. Her eyes closed and dropped her head. She wanted to tell him that she came because she thought he might die and if they had to have a last conversation, it wasn't the one that they had a few weeks ago. That sounded crass. She decided to go with another kind of honesty. "Turns out I had a harder time walking away this time."

"Well how nice for me."

It was hard to say Dean way pouting. After all, it wasn't him who started pushing her away the first chance he got. Not that it changed the way she felt. She still needed time to think about things, to figure them out but this changed things. "I-Your brother's really worried and... You can't hold my needing space against me. That's a fair ask. But even that... it doesn't mean I don't care about you. I do."

Dean had a difficult time believing that. If she cared, what was the point of being as cruel as she had been? He knew how he felt. He didn't need the time, the space to figure things out. And he didn't think she was confused about her feelings either. But unlike her, he was willing to try. He was willing to figure it out as they went and fight it out if need be. He didn't know how she could do it, it was driving him crazy. "You have a shitty way of showing it."

"You act like...I'm not allowed to have feelings too, especially if they're contrary to yours. You act like I somehow went on this rampage to trample your feelings. I... I'm sorry that I didn't just come out and tell you that I needed space rather than...let it drag on. But I didn't tell you I needed time because I wanted to hurt you. I have stuff to deal with that I need to deal with. I'm not always okay and it's hard to keep all that from surfacing when I'm with you. I didn't want this to blow up in my face, so I need to take a step back. I needed some room to breathe because you can make me forget about everything else. And...I... don't want you to die So I'm sorry."

Dean frowned. He hadn't pushed her enough to get her to talk about her reasons behind needing space, knowing it would have only caused a bigger fight at the time. They simply never talked about what was wrong. He supposed she had good enough reason to ask him for more time and had he known what she just told him...well, it didn't really matter now. She was here because he was dying.

He hated that slow creep of sympathy for her that he felt when he looked at her. Still, he as a matter of pride, couldn't apologize for his reaction. He was still a little angry but mostly hurt by her rejection. Maybe she hadn't been trying to bail as much as he thought. It was far too easy to soften to her. "You look good Mae." He said most sincerely this time.

That delicate red brow quirked and so did her smile, eyes letting that strange mix of anger, pity, hurt and affection to ease more towards simple affection. "One of us has to because you look like shit."

He laughed slightly but watched, skeptical, she stood then sat on the edge of his bed. "I really am surprised you came. You didn't have to."

She took his hand in hers and he must have been starved for an affectionate touch because her warm, soft hands were so comforting. "Sam called me." It was the simple truth. What she suspected Dean didn't know was that she would have come for less. Although Sam had to complain and harass her less than Dean would have.

"He convinced you to come?"

She shook her head, the red hair shifting in a way that made him want to bury his face against her neck. "No, I mean he told me you were here, but he didn't need to do or say anything to convince me I should come here. I couldn't… I wouldn't just ignore this."

"Yeah well, sometimes you get the bear, sometimes the bear gets you."

There was a morose sentiment to her tone, the fall of her face and that look in her blue gray eyes. "I guess."

It was disheartening how she seemed to accept fate. Sam was hell bent on finding something, _anything_ that would fix him. Mae seemed more pragmatic. "What no pep talk? No, 'Dean I've come to save you?'" To be honest, he'd take it if she had something up her sleeve.

She shook her head. "My area of expertise is more in the demon, ghouls, ghosty sort of thing. Not trouble with your ticker."

Dean chuckled only because she tapped on his chest lightly. "Well in that case, I guess the only thing left is for you to do give me my last rights and lap dance and let me die happy. I think a sexy nurse costume would be apt."

He looked incredibly cocky and self-assured despite the way he was feeling. How odd, she thought that there were certain things that didn't change for that man. "Your last rights and lap dance?" She asked incredulously, "I'm not here to give you a lap dance."

"Lap dance, strip tease… whatever gets you naked. That would be my dying wish."

"Dean," She said, leaning forward, almost invitingly close, "just because this isn't my scene doesn't mean that I doubt your brother for a second. You're not gonna die."

He closed his eyes as her breath made a hot caress over his ear. He shivered, tried to keep his tone even but once again the heart monitor gave her away. "Yeah that's what I keep hearing but I'm seeing as I'm no Steve Austin and you didn't show up with my 6 million dollars, I'll have to take my chances. Of course, if Sammy doesn't figure it out, you could at least make it a fun death. Hell, you're the hottest thing in this whole hospital."

"I'm sure he's checking out some leads and we're not going to let you go down without a fight. But I'll tell you what, just to humor you, if we don't figure something out, I'll get naked, and you can die happy."

"Well then, I guess I should die more often, it seems to get me what I want from you." He waggled his eyebrows when she frowned, "So if I'm dying, you'll sleep with me?"

"No, no. You just said naked. I have a strict rule about not doing anything thing that ends up with a dead dude under me."

"I guess I could be on top. Or maybe...there's something with levers and pulleys we can rig up."

His teasing was beginning to border on weird and would probably veer off into a direction he wasn't ready for. He wasn't sure why he kept trying tease her that way when it was only fun before it stumbled into uncomfortable desire. So, he changed the topic. "Are you at least gonna bust me out outta here?"

"No."

That surprised him. He thought she would at least do that, help him out a little. If they couldn't make him better, there was no reason to sit around and wait for his heart to finally give out. "Why not? It's not like you love hospitals."

"Yeah but I can make a break for it without keeling over. So, when you can do that, I'll assist you in your escape."

"You got so many rules baby. I hate it here."

That part was pouting, she thought with a little smirk. "No one expects you to like it."

His eyes drifted from the woman to the television as he contemplated what to say to her next. Did he want to unpack this, or did he just want to be grateful, take solace in the way she warmed up when they were together. She shifted her chair away from him, towards the TV but she still held his hand. And, after all, she had come to see him. "Listen, it's not like I want to die but..."

"I know."

"Sam... I, uh, I'm not sure he does. Promise me..."

"Yeah, sure."

He let his eyes wander back to her, studying her profile. He could almost see that she felt the same way about him that he felt about her. But she believed whatever was in her head that told her she couldn't or should love him back. At times, he felt that too but more because he knew loving her meant risking hurting her or losing her. Her fear seemed to be centered in the idea that she would lose or hurt him because of who she was, not what she did.

Dean squeezed her hand. "I'm glad you're here."

Her chuckle was bitter, but those blue gray eyes were a little hopeful. "Really? Because you seemed kinda pissed."

"I don't like getting shut out. I wasn't mad because you wanted or needed space, but you could have told me a couple weeks ago. You could have told why. I get being screwed up. Do you think it wouldn't matter to me if we fucked this up again? You could have just said that."

She shook her head. "It's not just that. You uh, I don't think you know just how screwed up I am and just how screwed up us having a relationship could be. It's not for lack of want or even the way I feel about you. And you have this way about you where it short circuits my normal thinking process and I just get all… girly about you."

"Like I'm gonna complain about that."

"That's just it. See, in the short term, I don't think I'd care but… it'll come back, it will, and I don't want to start hating you or me because of that."

Sighing, he looked her straight in the eyes. "Well sweetheart, short term is all we've got going for us right now."

It made her face fall even though it hadn't been particularly cheery right then. "Don't talk like that."

"Hey, it happens, you and I both know it does so there's no use holding back now. If there's something you wanna tell me, better tell me now."

As much as his brother believed that there was a way to save him and wouldn't give into any other notion, Mae wouldn't tell him what she needed to tell him, not yet. Not yet. She went with deflection.

"I wasn't distancing myself to punish you."

It wasn't what he hoped she'd say but it. "Well, the last time that you said you were okay and then we went our separate ways, we didn't talk for five years. You had to realize that maybe I might think that was what you were trying to do here. You know I was really trying to be a friend here and... I didn't think I was doing a bad job of it."

"No, you weren't."

"Then what is it really?"

She would have cursed if she didn't know it would give him a perverse pleasure in knowing that he'd trapped her, seen through her smoke screen. "It doesn't matter does it? You're all keen on dying."

"Oh, come on baby, don't be like that. You can't blame me for not being able to bounce back from being electrocuted." He said, turning her words around on her.

"I'm not blaming you for anything, I'm just saying you being dead sort of changes the equation doesn't it?"

Dean shrugged as he studied her face. "You could at least tell me the truth, what scares you so much, just to make me feel better."

"If you don't die. I'll tell you then."

His eyes narrowed as his brow arched skeptically over her offer. "You're a tease."

"Oh no, teasing would have been me coming here in my catholic school girl uniform."

Again, the discussion shifted back into that uncomfortable, pseudo sexual area that left him thinking about what was happening between them. "Oh, now you're just being cruel."


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

* * *

The knock on the door startled Sam but what was even more surprising to him was that Mae was on the other side. "You came."

She offered a gentle smile, nothing too bright but welcoming and kind. "You seem surprised."

He was a little sheepish in his explanation. "Well, I did yell at you earlier."

Mae shrugged as she stepped inside the motel room, tossing her bag on the free bed. "Like I've never been yelled at before. Besides, it's Dean."

That made him smirk, taking in her somewhat ruffled look, mussed hair, wrinkled clothes, and tired eyes. But she was still there because of his brother. He knew there was something between those two. "Yeah… I'm still trying to find a way to fix him."

"Sam…"

There was a lot in that one word, a lot he didn't want to hear. "Don't start, please? I just… I can't just let Dean die."

"I know. And I'm with you on that one but you play with fire... This isn't like a vengeful spirit or a demon. It's… it's physical."

"I know!" He sighed and tried to moderate his voice, "I know. But Mae, he would do anything to save me, to keep me safe. How can I do anything less?"

She placed her hand gingerly on his arm. "No one was asking you to do that."

Sam frowned, feeling his heart sink just a bit. "But you won't help me, will you?"

Her hand dropped as she wandered over to the bed, glancing over the materials he had spread out over the bed. "Of course, I will. I came here, didn't I? I just don't want to save him the wrong way." She picked up a book on necromancy, frowning before setting it back down, "I mean there are all kinds of things we could do to try to cure him or bring him back if he dies but we wouldn't end up with our Dean, just a shell. We're not turning him into something we'd hunt. That's not saving him."

"Right, I know that. I'm not talking about making him something... evil but there's gotta be a spell or something out there that can heal him, something. I just… I'm not quitting."

Mae turned back to the younger man. He looked pale and in between his hurried speech, she picked up a tremor in his hands. She put her hand on his shoulder, squeezing reassuringly. "Good. I'm right there with you."

He appreciated her help, but his thoughts shifted back to his brother and what it would mean to him knowing Mae showed up. "You should go see him."

"I already did, which by the way, you might want to tell me who you are when I come to a town so I don't have to claim to be your sister but can't remember my own name. We had our standard fight, then I came here so everything's all… awesome." She gave him a tight smile accompanied by a double thumbs up.

"He's really missed you."

"We've spent a hell of a lot longer apart than the past few weeks."

Dean might not have said it out loud but not talking to Mae again left the man bothered. Sam didn't quite believe his brother incapable of falling in love, but he had never acted like he wanted anything of the sort. But he was most certainly in love with their friend. "I think he's trying to keep that from happening again. You may not have noticed but he's a little different now, since dad's gone missing and since the two of you hooked up again."

The look on her face bordered between confusion and amusement. "When did the two of us hook up? Because believe me we are not counting spell sex." She said with a pointed look.

"No, I mean when you got back to your house. I don't think it was just a casual thing for him."

More amusement crept into her stare and she almost laughed. "Is that-Did he tell you that? Did he tell you we had sex?"

Sam swallowed, averting his eyes a bit. Discussing his brother's sex life did not make his top 10 list of favorite things. Did he tell the truth of did he try to preserve the peace? Her eyes were piercing and didn't leave any room for him to lie. "Well," he cleared his throat as she kept her eyes locked on his, "not exactly. He said you two slept together."

Mae grinned and laughed. "Yeah dude," she shook her head, imagining how that scene went down, finding it amusing, "at the risk of ruining his rep, all we did was sleep."

His laughed, skeptically and a little conspiratorially all at the same time. Of course, knowing his brother, he had every right to be both. "Really? Just sleep?"

She confirmed again. "Not that it's any of your business but yeah just slept. We were both exhausted. And, in between my throwing up and night sweats and… being generally unpleasant, yeah. You might also recall how I looked after everything. I mean, Dean can be both a pig and a horn dog but he's not into any of those things. And… he actually likes whoever he's with to be into it too so, nothing happened."

Sam didn't understand the woman. She was impossibly stubborn, even by the measure of his own family. But there was also an unexpected measure of softness to her. It was obvious that despite some of her actions, she cared about his brother. "Then what's the deal Mae? Why are you acting like this?"

"You mean driving all the way out here because you told me your brother was in trouble or trying to help him without screwing things up?"

Sam shook his head. "I mean before that. I mean not giving him the time of day. You have any idea what it's like when he's like this?"

Mae smiled weakly. She understood Sam's protectiveness, she simply didn't expect it to come up now. "I haven't been avoiding him because I want to hurt him, okay? I'm also not obvious to how he feels. I just can't- I haven't even been doing it because I don't like him. I like talking to him. Hell, your brother is probably one of the few people I genuinely like. But I'm allowed to consider more than just his needs and wants, aren't I?"

"I- of course. I didn't mean- if you feel the same way...why not...?

"I- I told him, and I assume he told you, I just needed some time. He and I get along, we have feelings for each other, and we're...I can see a lot of upsides, but I can't quite get around the big downsides. So... I can't...do you really want me to have second thoughts about this?"

He couldn't deny what she said made sense and he agreed with a lot of it. He felt similarly especially since he'd been hunting with his brother. It was stressful enough dealing with interpersonal stuff without the added pressure of the job. That didn't change the underlying issue, at least the way Sam saw it. "But you love him."

Because she had spent so much time arguing the point with no success, convincing neither herself or apparently anyone else, she sighed and sat on the edge of the bed. "Yeah I love him. That's why I eventually called him back, it's why I came here. But it doesn't do us any good now, does it?"

It wasn't pity he felt for her or his brother, two people so obviously in love with each other but unable to embrace it. No, he commiserated with her and lamented the way they were raised. They were both overcoming a learning curve on relationships. "You should at least tell him."

"Sam… it's not that simple."

To Sam, it was. "He loves you too Mae. And he's loved you since… well I think forever."

She wished she had that same idealism about that notion of love. She wanted that to make it worth the risk. "I know. Is this really what you want to talk about right now? I thought you wanted to save Dean, not convince me to profess my undying love for him."

He took a step closer and gave her his best puppy dog eyes. "Don't you think he deserves this little explanation?"

Mae closed her eyes resting her forehead against her hand a moment. "Of course, he does. Do you want me to go back to the hospital and let him know right now?"

"You don't need to get defensive."

'I know he's your brother and you have a quintessential bros before hoes prerogative and you think I'm hurting him by not telling him. I've given him parts of it and the rest...you know how he gets about family and togetherness and all that. I want to believe that what we feel is enough, but I don't think that any love or affection I have for your brother makes it possible for me to ignore my issues."

As if she was noticing for the first time that she was talking with him, telling him at least the basics of her inner workings, she physically shook her head and drew herself back together. "I _really_ shouldn't be telling you about all this. Aren't you all gung-ho about finding yourself a spell or mambo priestess to work the hoodoo over Dean?"

It was easy to forget the pressing matter. Well, not easy but talking about Dean with Mae often led into talking about them together and micromanaging their relationship was a better distraction than worrying about his brother's impending demise. When she wasn't being defensive and avoiding the issue, knowing that she cared about Dean reassured him that maybe there was hope for a little bit of happiness, even for hunters. And he hated to admit it sometimes, but he liked her, and he liked the idea of her with Dean.

Sam now smirked a little. "Aren't you kind of a mambo priestess?"

A quizzical look painted her face. "What makes you think that?"

He met her look with a skeptical one. "Well, for one I've seen your house and book and for two I've seen you work and oh yeah, I'm not an idiot."

She supposed it was hard to hide those things from people who not only knew about them but at the very least dabbled in it. It would have been fairly obvious she thought. "Okay maybe you're right but I'm no mambo, not a _real_ real one anyhow. I know a handful of healing spells, but I don't think they'd repair a heart. Besides even if I worked the perfect spell, if it's his time-"

He didn't want to hear any of it. He wasn't going to hear any of it. "What about your connections? You've got to know something or someone who might know something."

There wasn't a way to dissuade Sam from his path and perhaps that was for the best when it came to Dean, so she nodded. "I'll put out the feelers."

For a moment, he thought she was going to say no and keep up the line that here was nothing they could do. He thought she might not help him out. But the small offer was enough to ease his worry. "Thank you."

Her eyes lingered a minute, not entirely ready to get down to work yet. "Sam. can I ask you one last thing?"

"Sure."

"Why did you call me?"

Shrugging, he felt a little awkward about the question in the first place. "Dad doesn't answer and most of the time you do."

She nodded. There wasn't any reason Sam should think she'd come through in the clutch like this, except that he didn't have any other options. "Did anyone ever tell you, you Winchester boys are irritatingly convincing?"

Sam just smirked before he took his place back on the bed among the books and Mae took the other bed, digging through her bag for her spell book. They looked over everything they could between the books, websites, and any hunters they could reach. Mae stopped but pretended she not to listen in as he called John.

The break in his voice and hopelessness broke her heart. Mae didn't say anything when Sam hung up. What could she say? The only thing that disturbed them from the scatter of phone calls asking for some leads or their search was the unexpected knock at the door. Like when Mae had showed up, Sam grabbed his gun as he approached the door. Mae stood from her spot on the bed and took a defensive position, just out of sight, with her weapon at the ready as well. The pair executed the movements completely on instinctive like muscle memory or an age-old dance. After an exchange of nods, Sam opened the door.

Again, Sam was surprised to find his brother, barging in to the room and complaining about staying somewhere that was lacking in hot nurses until he caught sight of Mae. He looked at her, mesmerized. "Mae, what are you doing here?"

Her heart ached, looking at him like that. He was pale and pasty, his eyes were sunken, and he no longer carried himself with his usual ground eating stride and presence. Seeing him look sick made it far more difficult to pretend like he would be okay. The redhead shrugged, turning to place her gun on the table. "Still pretty much the same thing as before. Except you know, in a motel room."

He shrugged off his brother's help before sitting in the nearest chair. He shifted his eyes toward her, his expression carrying hurt, exhaustion, accusation and more than a little relief. "I thought you would have left."

She tried not to sound angry or hurt but she felt a little bit of both. But more she felt guilty because his supposition wasn't completely unfounded. "Did I say I was leaving?"

Dean shook his head, not wanting to fight with her. No one who didn't care would have stayed, not to watch someone die. Leaving was the easier choice though. Dean didn't care why she stayed, just that she had. He was elated to find her here, working on this with Sam. It would have been crushing know she came, saw him, and then left.

He let his gaze wander over the planes and angles of her face, the way her hair curved around her neck and shoulders. His eyes roamed down the swell of her chest and flat of her stomach, the flare of her hips and her long, impossibly long legs. It was a shame she was fully dressed in those masculine boots, jeans and far too many shirts. She grew up prettier and shapelier than he thought she would.

She caught him ogling her, there was no other word for it and he only offered her a saucy grin at her sharp stare. " _You_ look really hot, babe."

"Just once, I'd like you to think about _one other_ thing for one second."

"I'd love it if you brought me a bacon cheese burger." He said with a grin, "served up between your breasts." He added.

"Instead of the lap dance, I guess."

Sam looked between the two of them, a little confused and extremely uncomfortable by whatever was going on between them. "I am literally right here. Can you two not have gross sex talk?"

"No." Mae and Dean replied simultaneously.

Sam rolled his eyes. "Great."

The pair had made their calls and read over what they could but there was little else to do, particularly with Dean complaining Before Dean showed up, Sam got a call back with a tip about something that might help. A faith healer, of all things. Of course, Mae was hardly a skeptical one when it came to traveling healers, faith or otherwise but more often than not, they were bogus. This one looked like the genuine article though.

Mae and Sam already knew how Dean would react to it. Even so, turning their backs on the potential seemed foolish. They both knew they'd have to handle Dean to get him to go. They would be going to the faith healer in the morning and while Sam told his brother they had found a specialist, they both knew Dean would veto the whole thing if they told him the truth.

But now, they didn't have anything else to do. If possible, they needed to catch some sleep, leaving Mae with a bit of a conundrum. With Dean out of the hospital, back in the motel, she realized she was out of a bed. Odd, how she thought sharing a room with Sam was natural, practical but with both brothers there, she felt uncomfortable.

Sam had gone to the bathroom with his arms full of necessities, leaving Mae and Dean alone in the main room. His hungry stare hadn't left her as edgy as the one he wore now did. "I should get my own room."

"You were planning to stay here before, right?"

She tucked her hands into her pockets, looking away. "Yeah but you're here now and… neither of us want to share a bed with your brother." She said, trying to joke but ended up sounding even more nervous.

He took her hand in his and shot her what she would absolutely qualify as sex eyes as he spoke. "You and I can share. Wouldn't be the first time."

His eyes were met with an equally withering look. "That might get you overly excited." She said deadpan.

"Believe me, I can restrain myself." He said it with a tone that made her wonder if she had finally pushed him over the edge and past the point of trying to win her over. If so, it seemed like a bittersweet sort of victory. It was what she wanted after all. He smirked and angled his brow at her seductively. "Maybe you're the one who'll have to control yourself Maes. I'm great in bed."

Sometimes she would never quite understand what went through his head or how he could be so brash, even jokingly. "Dude…"

"I am. I've been told I don't hog the covers and I'm warm. Just say yes, please? I sleep better with you in my bed, okay?"

"Fine."

Her tone was somehow aggressive yet submissive in that one word as she yanked her bag closer and rummaged in it. She took out a smaller toiletry bag, a pair of cotton shorts, and a ratty t-shirt. There was that slightly awkward moment when after Sam exited the bathroom, she took his place.

Sam looked from Dean to her and back again, but she kept her gaze low and tried to escape the unasked question as quickly as possible. The brothers might have exchanged a whispered conversation while she was in the bathroom, but she didn't hear anything, so she didn't ask.

"What's going on?" Sam asked.

"She's gonna crash here. You have a problem with that?"

Sam shook his head, gathering up all the books and print outs from the bed before he pulled the covers off the bed. "Where's she gonna sleep?"

"With me."

"Are you sure-" Sam cut himself off. He realized he didn't need to be asking Dean if he was sure about it. Of course, he was sure. It wasn't like he was doing something on a whim. When she returned to the room, the lights were low, the tv was off and Sam was already in his bed. Dean was turning down the covers, having stripped down to his boxers and a shirt.

Her stomach twitched a bit. She sighed a soft and fretful way as she shoved a hand through her free-flowing hair as she moved to the other side of the bed. Had he felt so awkward and out of place when she asked him to spend the night with her? It was, she realized, a rather selfish request. Maybe she shouldn't have asked him in the first place.

Although that was perhaps the reason, he didn't have any qualms about asking her to do the same. Truth be told, Sam were in a different room, she wouldn't have qualms about it. Sharing a bed with Dean was a deceptively intimate act so doing it in front of someone else was awkward. But it was becoming something of a habit with Dean.

As promised though, he was warm and being close to him was reassuring somehow. That feeling, as it welled up in her throat, was exactly the sort of thing she worried would happen if she saw him again. She couldn't be cold and distant when he was funny, cute, kind and so alluring. She didn't mind when he turned and his arm fell over her waist, pulling her closer to him. Still, she tensed a little as he pressed against her.

"Let me hold you?"

The murmur against her ear was almost soundless. Maybe he was just covering his bases in case she took offense. She nodded her head as she whispered 'okay' back. His weight settled behind her after his lips grazed the back of her neck. She knew she should have objected to all of it, but it was pleasant to have him lay with her like this again. Mae reached over to turn off the light, plunging the room into darkness.

The way his arm tightened around her, the way he seemed to mold himself against her body made her realize he was looking for safety and protection with her this time. Or maybe he needed to feel like he could offer that. For every overt request to see her naked or ask her for sex, that was not what this was about at all. Mae knew it wasn't death that scared him but not knowing what would happen to him or his family. Surprises were rarely pleasant in their work. And maybe, she though, he just wanted to know that someone could take him just as he was—no lies, no expectations.

Her hand slid up over his hand lying over her stomach, taking a hold of it and running her thumb over his knuckles. Her fingers slid under his and he gripped them. He nuzzled her neck, his breath warm and even against the crook of her neck. She didn't have any difficulty falling asleep, even with Sam in the room.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter** 3

* * *

The next morning found them on the road to Nebraska, going to see Sam's faith healer. Mae wasn't sure why she wanted to come with them, why she felt the need, but she knew it was right. It was a dreary looking day. From the moment they left the motel it rained.

The rain kept up until they reached their destination. By then, the rain had trailed off into a fine misting drizzle. The dirt parking lot, however, was a muddy mess. Proof positive that Dean was not feeling himself could be seen in the fact that Sam drove all the way over and he hadn't issued any sort of complaint about what the mud would do to the paint job.

Her stomach tightened as they neared the tent. Dean was not going to like this. As if thinking the same thing, Sam caught her eyes in the rear-view mirror. She saw the same raw edge in his expression and tried to give him a reassuring smile.

The sign read The Church of Roy Le Grange. Faith Healer. The sign could have been bigger, but it was obvious enough to Dean when he paused getting out of the car. Mae watched for a moment before getting out herself. Even out of sorts, he might have been inclined to bolt on them. Sam rounded the front of the car while she made her way around the back. He tried to help his brother out of the car but once again, Dean shrugged out of his grasp. "Ah, I got it."

Mae hid the very slight upturn of her lips at the action, the characteristic tone that belonged to a healthy Dean.

"Man, you're a lying bastard." He said to his brother, "thought you said we were going to see a doctor."

"I believe I said a specialist. Look Dean, this guy's supposed to be the real deal."

"I can't believe you brought me here to see some guy who heals people out of a tent."

A woman passing by with an umbrella remarked that the reverend was a great man. "Yeah, that's nice." Dean replied angrily.

"And you!" He turned accusingly towards Mae, "You weren't even gonna let me in on this little secret?"

Mae shrugged as they walked past an officer from the Sheriff's department and an angry protester. "Well, that would have taken the fun out of this lovely day, wouldn't it?"

Dean narrowed his eyes at her and her sarcasm for a minute before looking back at the man being escorted away from the 'Church of Roy Le Grange'. "I take it he's not part of the flock."

"Well, when people see something they can't explain, there's controversy."

"But c'mon Sam! A faith healer?"

"Maybe it's time to have a little faith Dean."

"You know what I got faith in? Reality! Known what's really goin' on."

"How can you be a skeptic," Sam asked disbelievingly, "with the things we see every day?"

"Exactly! We see them, we know they're real."

"But if you know evil's out there, how can you not believe that good's out there too?"

"Because I've seen what evil does to good people."

Mae shifted, a big uncomfortable with where the boys' conversation had led. To be honest, she didn't want to be at this sort of thing any more than did Dean did. But Sam was convinced enough for both of them, maybe all three of them. It was worth a shot.

A young woman with ashy blonde spoke up, having over heard the brothers' back and forth. "Maybe God works in mysterious ways."

"Maybe he does." The words dripped with that raw sex appeal that was laced in Dean's swagger, "I think you just turned me around on the subject."

Sam scoffed, turning away from his brother's overt flirting and looked back at Mae, his expression turned to one of apology. Mae only shrugged and rolled her eyes, trying to keep that needless pang of jealousy from reading on her face.

"Yeah, sure." The pretty woman laughed a bit.

"I'm Dean. This is Sam and… Mae." The pause was odd, but Mae still offered a small smile and shook the woman's hand after she told them her name was Layla.

"So, if you're not a believer, then why are you here?" She asked.

"Well apparently my brother here believes enough for the both of us."

Sam laughed a little, but Mae's eyes went wide. He couldn't possibly be reading her thoughts but damn, it was eerie when they thought alike.

An older woman approached the Layla, Mae suspected it was her mother. People didn't come to these things just for kicks so one of them must have been sick, bringing the other along for their healing. "C'mon Layla, it's about to start."

"Bye." She said as she walked into the tent.

"Well, I betcha she can work in some mysterious ways."

Sam shook his head in disbelief while once again Mae rolled her eyes. Some things about Dean would never change. Inside the tent the air was thick with incense and the dull tinkling of a church organ flooded softly over the voices of people milling about and finding their seats. "Yeah peace, love and trust all over." Dean said eyeing the cameras in the corners.

Mae glanced over her shoulder at the very overt security camera. "They're out in the open about it."

"That makes it so much better Mae."

"The sign said faith healer, not "I trust your bunches"."

Dean frowned back at the woman. At least Mae was supposed to be on his side. She wasn't supposed to be the idealist of the group. They found their way down the aisle to some seats, but Sam insisted on sitting up front. Dean sat on the end of the row leaving Sam and Mae on the inside. Dean was clearly uncomfortable as the reverend began his sermon, telling them about the power of God and how it was Him doing the real work. How God helped Reverend Le Grange see into the hearts of men.

"Yeah that or their wallets." Dean said in an aside to his brother.

It wasn't a quiet as he thought because Roy Le Grange said, "You think so, young man?" with a hint of a smile.

Dean froze, hot faced and fumbling for the right words. "Sorry," was all he said.

"No, no, don't be. Just watch what ya say around a blind man, we got real sharp ears.

He smirked and Mae found herself liking the man a little more even if she didn't totally believe him. She thought Dean found himself thinking the same thing.

"What's your name son?" The preacher asked.

The hunter cleared his throat before answering. "Dean."

Roy nodded, as if he was mulling the name over and having an unseen conversation all at once, "I wancha to come up here with me." He said beckoning him forward.

The crowd clapped and cheered even as Dean waived it off. "Nah, it's okay."

"What are you doing?" Sam asked, unsure why his brother would give up this chance.

Mae wasn't sure which side of this was the right side of be on, but she couldn't deny that she truly hoped Dean would go up and a miracle would happen.

"You've come here to be healed, haven't you?"

"Well yeah but uh… maybe you should just pick someone else."

The crowd still cheered him on, ready to see a miracle even if it wasn't their own. "I didn't pick you Dean, the lord did."

That probably made him more uncomfortable Mae thought than being here in the first place, judging by the expression on his face.

"Get up there!" Sam ordered his brother. He, for one, wasn't going to let Dean miss this opportunity.

The young man didn't resist this time. Maybe it was for Sam, maybe it was because of the cheering crowd or maybe it was because there was a part of him that liked the preacher too. Mae didn't know but she felt an unexpected wave of relief when he stood and made his way to the stage. His brother looked at her, smirking like a fool and it was infectious. Even if it wasn't real, the hope that it might be was hard to fight. The redhead grinned right back at him.

People prayed as Dean took the stage and Mae gave him a reassuring warm smile. It didn't do anything to ease his nerves or disbelief. But he stayed up there. "Ya ready?"

"Look no disrespect; I'm not exactly a believer." He said quietly to the reverend.

Still smiling, he replied. "You will be son, you will be."

To the crowd, louder now he continued. "Pray with me friends."

People joined hands, knelt and bowed their heads around them as Roy spread his hands wide. Mae felt the distinct urge to kneel, genuflect and pray. Instead she clasped her hands together and bowed her head just a bit, still keeping her eyes on the skeptical looking Dean.

Reverend Le Grange put a hand to Dean's shoulder and moved it up to his head. "Alright, alright now," was all he said before Dean started to waver and fall to his knees. Mae grabbed Sam's hand as the both surged forth a bit, concerned and confused. She felt an odd cold sensation, a pressure on the side of her head before it was replaced with warmth.

The reverend said a final 'Alright now,' before Dean collapsed to the stage. Sam was on his feet in an instant, calling out his brother's name and Mae wasn't far behind. He knelt, shaking his unconscious bother until he took a deep breath.

"Say something!"

He didn't say anything. He just looked towards the preacher with wide-eyed alarm.

* * *

There had been more cheering, more congratulation as they made their way out of the tent, but the trio remained quiet. Outside of the tent, alone, Sam kept badgering his brother, asking how he felt, if he was okay and each time, he got a more agitated.

"So," Sam broke the awkward silence that filled the car as they drove away from the tent, "do you feel better."

He was hit with an icy, angry glare from Dean. "You never should have taken me there Sam."

"Dean," Mae began softly, maternally, "you can't—"

"Shut up. The two of you are idiots for thinking this was a good idea."

"What were we supposed to do, let you die?" Sam asked.

"Yes!"

They were all quiet after that outburst as Sam drove them to the motel. They didn't talk, they didn't listen to music. It was just a painfully silent, awkward ride back to their room. There was no game plan and clearly there was some unfinished business. Dean was convinced something was wrong and this trip to save Dean's life become a case somehow.

Sam tried to say something, but Dean kept cutting him off. The level of frustration in the room just kept rising and rising. The two started bickering, not about the preacher, not about Dean's heart or recovery but focusing on who was the oldest and who had the last say.

"Hey!" She yelled, drawing attention towards her, "First Sam, when I'm here I call dibs on arguing with Dean about pointless things. That's our thing!"

Another day, it might have made Dean laugh when Sam gave a sort of half laugh. "Second," she continued, "I think we all need to cool down here. Maybe we could all use something to eat." Her sharp stare landed on Sam.

He nodded, pausing only a moment before he offered to go get something. It defused that argument for the moment, but it started a whole new one once the young hunter had left the room. "Here. Get a room if you're staying." Mae frowned as Dean threw her bag off the bed to her.

The bag hit her square in the chest. He hadn't thrown it hard, but she hadn't anticipated the move, and, in her shock, she didn't catch it and it dropped to the ground at her feet. Not only was he throwing her out of the room, out of his bed, his eyes were harsh. It hurt in a way she hadn't anticipated. "Dean-"

"I mean it. You lied to me."

She clutched her bag to her. "I didn't lie to you. I never told you we _weren't_ going to a faith healer." A small apologetic smile crossed her lips, but he wasn't moved at all by the look.

"That's your argument? You said you would stop Sammy from doing something stupid. I counted on you to be the smart one here. You should have told me."

"I'm not the bad guy here Dean. We did what we had to do to save you. Why don't you go yell at Sam about this?"

"You think I won't? Besides, who asked you to save me?"

"Yeah, you're right. I guess we had the crazy notion that you do whatever it takes to save family."

"Not when it's wrong."

"Okay, yeah, it was weird and those followers of his...wow. I get it but just because you don't like church or God or whatever doesn't mean it's wrong."

"It's… it's not that."

She knew Dean was keeping something from her. "Then what? If there is something wrong, I can help. I want to help. I mean… if this isn't a miracle…"

He looked at her and found it almost impossible to be so angry with her. His anger didn't totally subside but the way she looked at him, with her big, sad eyes and wide mouth turned into an understanding frown. Her brow was creased with worry and damned if it didn't shift his emotions towards her, towards allaying that worry. "It just felt wrong, okay? I don't know what it was, but it didn't feel… well, hell I don't know how it's supposed to feel but I know when something feels off, you know?"

For a moment, he eyebrow quirked but her expression quickly returned to neutral. "So, what happened?"

"I don't know. You and Sam keep acting like this saved me. Maybe it didn't."

He watched her face fall and he thought for a minute that she might have been on the verge of tears at the notion. Why the hell did she have the power to twist his emotions this way? Half the time, just a look softened him and made him want to wrap his arms around her and pretend the world didn't existed. The other half of the time he wasn't sure if he wanted to fight her or fuck her. Either way, he wanted to get lost with her. It was as painful as it was annoying. "C'mon, you even look better than you did before. You think you're still dying?"

She didn't want to think about that. This had to work. She didn't think there was another way, not one that wouldn't feel even worse to the man. And she wanted desperately to have something go their way, just this once. But Dean shook his head. "No, I don't know. I gotta have it checked out. I'm calling a doctor to see if I can get in to see someone."

"Okay. Well," she picked up her bag at last, "if you need me, I'll be…"

She didn't know exactly where she would go. It was simple, perhaps even wise to get her own room. That was what she should have done the other night but admittedly, she liked sleeping with Dean. "Just stay here." he yanked her bag out of her arms again, "I was angry before. I didn't mean to take it out on you."

She shrugged, smiling a little. "It's alright. I would wager I'm a little more unpleasant when I vent and yeah, okay we—I went behind your back on this one. I'd still probably do it again. But I'm sorry for not telling you upfront what we planned."

Dean shook his head as he sighed not feeling as righteously angry anymore, instead feeling guilty. "It's not that. If this was on the level, I probably wouldn't be bitchin' just because I don't like some preacher. This is a feeling I just can't ignore. And I... I need you to trust me on this. Sam just wants to take it as a win, but something was wrong and it's something we need to stop that preacher is doing some evil."

"I'll do whatever you want me to do."

Dean's brow arched up with his lopsided grin. " _Whatever_ I want you to do?"

Her smile faded as she gave him the pointed glare. There was still humor in her tone and her eyes. "To figure out if something really was wrong about this, I'll do anything." She meant it. There was no disguising the fact that she cared. "but I think I will get my own room. It's...easier that way."

He wanted things to be clean and simple, but not in the same way Mae did. He knew she wanted to push back her emotions, ignore what was clearly going on between them, and run from it. He wanted to embrace it, see where it went, and not feel so guilty about having feelings for her. In that moment, he wanted to stop worrying and just do what felt right.

They were ignoring the issue, letting the fight subside as Dean took her by the wrist and tugged her to him. His thumb rubbed light circles over the inside of her wrist as he came intoxicatingly close to her. He leaned in to catch her lips in a kiss, but she turned her head away. She turned not because she didn't want him but because she couldn't risk it.

If she let him kiss her, she'd kiss him back and if she kissed him back, she wouldn't want to stop. He could effectively shut down all her rational thoughts. But even turned her head to the side didn't stop him. His lips fell on the side of her neck. He kissed her sternomastoid muscle, just above the thin silver trail of the chain of her necklace.

He was scruffier than normal, the friction of his stubble along her skin made her shiver as he moved up towards her ear. His hand slid up her forearm and despite having just those two minor points of contact, her body was practically humming with excitement. It wasn't fair to be so easily swayed by his nearness alone. He still smelled hospital-y but under that and being so close to him, she could smell him.

Of course, this was exactly what she had feared, her blatantly physical reaction to the man coupled with tender feelings for him overwhelming her. She didn't care about sorting out her emotions or staying committed to her mission. She didn't care if this screwed up either because he could elicit such primal need in her with barely a touch.

He pulled away as his free hand came up, cupping the side of her cheek and righting her angled head. She swore he was going to kiss her this time and she would have let him. Instead, after he seemingly confirmed that by locking eyes with her, he leaned in and kissed her forehead. Then he pulled away to a safe distance, leaving Mae to blink confusedly for a few moments.

Dean felt smug, seeing how dark and lusty her eyes had become under his touch. Knowing that he could affect her just as much as she did him reassured him that this wasn't a one-sided situation. Turning away, she cleared her throat. "You know, I kind of liked the guy, Roy."

"You don't even know him."

Mae shrugged as she took her bag back but sat on the edge of the bed. "It's just a feeling. He seemed like a nice guy, a little churchy for my taste but nice."

"I think he's throwin' down the bad voodoo."

"Let's hope you're wrong."

* * *

A/N-As always, favorite and follow to see the latest updates and feel free to leave a review if you're so inclined!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

* * *

It took a full day before Dean saw the doctor to examine his heart. Mae spent her time in the waiting room, mindlessly leafing through an old magazine, unsure as to why she was having issues untangling herself from him this time. He was okay and even if something was wrong with this situation, she was willing to take it as a win because he wasn't dying anymore. Maybe she just had to be certain he was okay, that he had that medical stamp of approval.

But when he and Sam came through the waiting room, things weren't exactly sunshine and roses between the two. Dean was pissed and Sam looked shamefaced. Dean breezed by her without so much as a word which had her springing to her feet.

"Hey, wait a second! Someone what to fill me in here?"

Sam paused only as long as it took her to meet him. She kept up with the ground eating strides the boys were laying down. "Dean thinks this healing wasn't legit."

"That's not new."

"Yeah well… he says he felt cold and it felt wrong. And then the doctor told us that someone else, some 27-year-old guy died of a heart attack yesterday."

Her brow furrowed but as she linked it together the furrows deepened. "That could be a coincidence." She didn't believe it, but it would have been a nice reprieve.

"Tell that to him. He's going to the Reverend's and I'm checking into this guy who died. You can come with."

"No," She shook her head, "I'm going with Sunshine Mary over there."

"Oh, that's gonna go well." Sam muttered as Mae jogged up to Dean's side.

Mae joined Dean even after he told her he could handle it on his own. With a rarely used move she turned on her very own sad puppy dog look. It was one of those looks that took full advantage of her large blue eyes and delicate features. He almost growled when he said, "Oh for fuck's sake."

It wasn't a yes but when he got in and started the Impala, he waited for her. In the car he filed her in on the exact details, what he had told Sam and, for some reason, more. He told her that he felt like something had changed, something that shouldn't have been touched to begin with. Once again, he reiterated that he though it really was his time to die.

"Dean-"

"Don't tell me how to feel."

"Okay. I wasn't going to."

"I can't believe you two did this!"

"In my defense Sam was really the one who was so gung-ho about it." She said, trying to kid around with him, "but joking aside, you woulda done the same damn thing. If it was Sam, you would have shoved aside all your disbelief because there was a chance."

He frowned. For a moment he was going to refute her statement, but it was true. He might be willing to admit, given the same situation, he would have done the same thing, even knowing that someone else might die if it saved Sam. Because it was his brother. "I'm not Sam."

"So, your brother's life is worth more than yours?"

Dean kept quiet which was as good as a yes.

"That's messed up." She said.

"Yeah well… tell me different."

"You know, you didn't get to decide when you were growing up about this life, but you accepted the responsibility dumped on you. When you had more of a choice, obviously you didn't really think you had one, so you just accepted the work as something you were meant to do. There's something important about that. You decided not to close your eyes and pretend all this wasn't out here. You help people."

"That doesn't mean I'm not a lying, cheating, stealing bastard."

"Sure, but you're...just doing the job. Besides Sam does it too. So, does your Dad, me… that doesn't mean we're worthless human beings."

"Mae…"

"Dean." She reached over to place a hand on his arm, "You're a good man and you don't...you haven't done anything that means you deserve to die."

"What have I done that says I deserve to live? Especially if it means someone else being taken out."

Mae shook her head. "It's not like you picked the guy out and if we knew that's what would happen... but you know, desperate times and all that."

"You think that makes it okay?"

"I don't know. You know, I've been on the other end of some of those lies and that cheating, and I still don't think you should be dead."

There weren't a lot of incidences she could be referring to on that claim, not that she knew about anyway. After he and Mae started sleeping together, he stopped even kissing other girls, something that in his mind was proof of his commitment to her. Of course, prior to that when his family was on the road and at a new school, he might flirt or make out with some girl. He didn't think he was exactly unfaithful but, he supposed, if he had to qualify it, he wasn't being faithful. "That doesn't count. We weren't together then." He interrupted

Mae rolled her eyes. Her point had not been to bring up old wounds and she wasn't sure what he was talking about either. At the end of the day, she knew that if they had been together, he would have been painfully loyal. "I'm going to ignore the underlying irony of that particular argument, given our past, for now and tell you that the point is; I know you, I know who you are. And knowing who you are, I know that there's a lot more good than bad in who you are."

He was surprised to hear her say it. Mae kept her emotions buried deep and because their relationship was so strained recently, he found it odd that she would tell him this sort of thing. His voice was softer when he spoke now. "How exactly do you know that?"

"I don't know. You just are. If you weren't at least a little good...well, for one you wouldn't have doubts about this. You worry that someone died to save you and you worry that you won't live up to that. That's just something that… unselfish people do. You know, you weren't worried just about yourself. You worry about other all the time."

Dean looked over at her, touched and confused by her statements at the same time. "So that makes up for all the rest?"

"I don't know Dean. I'm not in any place to judge you, judge what's right or wrong. I just know that for all your faults, you put yourself on the line for not just the people you care about but for total strangers. You know, all the bad breaks we've—you've had, you could have turned out a lot worse. You're just a good guy, okay?"

"Wow, to hear you talk, you might actually think you like me."

"Who said I liked you?" She said with a teasing grin, "C'mon, I wouldn't be here if I didn't."

"Would you have come if I called you? I mean, I would have had to leave a message but when you eventually got it, would you have come?"

"Would you have told me you were dying?"

"That's the only reason you'd come?"

"Yes."

Dean scoffed, "You're a piece of work, Mavis."

* * *

They sat in the reverend's house, awkwardly. There might have been a case where they were comfortable in that situation, but Mae couldn't think of any. handling this like any other case was difficult, if not impossible. The reverend told them about his cancer, Sue Anne, his wife beamed at the miracle of her husband, his gift. He seemed… normal, for a faith healer who could really heal. Or believed he could. Mae didn't get the bad voodoo vibe from him. She'd say it again; she kind of liked him.

Then Dean asked a question, not as a hunter but as… well, as Dean Winchester-perpetual skeptic might ask. "Why? Why me? Out of all the sick people, why save me?"

That was a question Mae could have answered but of course, that wasn't what Dean was looking for her thoughts on the topic.

"Well, like I said before, the Lord guides me. I looked into your heart and you just… stood out from all the rest."

It should have been enough, Mae thought. It was enough reason for her, but it made Dean paused, balk. "What did you see in my heart?"

"A young man with an important purpose, a job to do. And it isn't finished."

They didn't leave the Reverend's house with a sense of completion at all. At least Dean didn't.

Mae spoke first. "Listen-"

"Do we have to talk right now? I could-I just need to… think."

Mae nodded. She didn't push him because she understood Dean's conflict. The reverend's answers left Dean feeling uncomfortable since he believed none of those things about himself. It didn't help matters when they ran into Layla and her mother on the way out.

True believers in Roy's miracles it seemed. And they hit Dean with an impossibly low blow when the mother told him of her brain tumor and asking him the same thing, he had been asking himself. "Why do you deserve to live more than my daughter?"

"Dean-"

"There's nothin' you can say so don't."

* * *

The awkward silences with Dean were getting on her nerves. Dean cut her off and shut her down every time she attempted to broach any subject. She supposed she didn't have a solid foundation to push the issue of opening up to talk about what was going on. She understood the inclination. She didn't like it, but she understood. At least this time she reached over to turn on the stereo without him stopping her or turning it off. Not that either of them was listening to whatever was on, so it didn't matter much.

With a sigh, she turned to look out the window. Nebraska didn't offer much in the way of scenery but was oddly fitting for the way the car felt, bleak and pointless. He looked over at her for a moment. As much of a pain in the ass as she could be sometimes, she hadn't hesitated when it came to this case.

"Hey." He said softly.

"What?"

He gave her a small but significant smile. "Thanks."

"For what?"

"Thinking I'm worth...something."

Mae returned the smile. "That lady doesn't know you. She had no right to ask that."

"Of course, she did. That's what mom's do, right?"

"I guess. I wouldn't know on that count. But-"

He knew what she was going to say, and he didn't want to hear it from her right then. "So, you're telling me I deserve to live more than that girl?"

"Well, no. I just… no one is as hard on you as you are. It's not like if we hadn't brought you, that the reverend would have picked. There were lots of sick people there. Maybe he always picks the one making smart ass comments. Besides, that's something that you don't need right now."

He didn't have anything to say to that. It was a little too deep for the moment, for what he wanted to think about then, but her words were more meaningful. Maybe it was because after the way they left things, he thought Mae just didn't have the backbone to tell him she didn't love him. A part of him was even beginning to believe his feelings were thoroughly unrequited. While she hadn't shared those three words he had, she did genuinely seem to care about him. Dean looked over at her again. He realized he didn't entirely understand her. It would have been easy to write her off as a bitch or needlessly cruel, but she wasn't just that alone.

The tough as nails hunter was more worried about how he felt about himself. She kept trying to reassure him that he was worth saving. He was sure if she didn't care, she wouldn't keep trying to reassure him. And she hadn't hesitated to come here to help him out. That had to mean something.

The two them continued to the motel in a more amiable silence. He couldn't say he was happy or really at peace. But a small part of him was trying to believe what Mae said about him. That was until they got to the motel. She didn't like the look on Sam's face. It wasn't good news.

"What'd you find out?" Dean asked.

"I'm sorry. "

Mae hated the way he said it. He was so effectively confirming Dean's worst fears. But the older hunter wasn't so pessimistic. "Sorry about what?"

"Marshall Hall died at 4:17."

"The exact time I was healed."

"Are you sure?" Mae asked

Both brothers gave her an 'are you serious?' look and she nodded her agreement that it was probably a stupid question. "Right."

"Yeah. So," Sam continued, "I put together a list of everyone Roy's healed, six people over the past year, and I cross-checked them with the local obits." He handed Dean what he had found. "Every time someone was healed, someone else died. And each time, the victim died of the same symptom LeGrange was healing at the time."

"That could be…" She cleared her throat because she couldn't come up with a believable excuse. She couldn't even call it a coincidence because it sure as hell didn't feel like one. Then she gave a deflated sigh, sitting on the edge of one of the beds, "hell, this is…"

"Bad?" Dean answered sharply. He pinned her with a sharp glance before he continued, "So someone's healed of cancer, someone else dies of cancer?"

"Somehow. LeGrange—he's trading a life for another." Sam said.

Bad was a light word for what they had stumbled into. It was the sort of thing she had been worried about when Sam called. It was what Dean was worried about too and he was going to be mad. But it had seemed like their only decent choice, at the time. Surely, Dean would understand that. Mae thought she might have been able to talk him down if this had been an honest to goodness miracle. Being saved was a big enough issue for Dean to deal with but this was far worse.

"Wait, wait, wait. So, Marshall Hall died to save me?"

Mae and Sam looked at each other, each hoping the other would have the right answer. But they both knew the real one wasn't a good one. "Dean, the guy probably would've died anyway. And someone else would've been healed."

"You never should've brought me here."

"It's not like that." Mae started but she couldn't figure out what else to say.

Sam had her back though. "Dean, we were just trying to save your life."

"But, now, some guy is dead now because of me."

Mae and Sam looked away from Dean, back to each other before they both looked down. "We didn't know." Sam said for both of them.

"Neither of you tried to find out. You both just... you should have let me die."

Mae shook her head. "You know we couldn't."

Her statement left Mae and Dean in a silent standoff, neither exactly certain what the other one was challenging them to until Sam spoke up. "The thing I don't understand is how is Roy doing it? How's he trading a life for a life?"

"I don't know that he could. Not—not through any conventional means." She said, conventional means for them being quite unusual.

"Oh, he's not doing it." Dean filled in that piece for them, "Something else is doing it for him."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

Dean was agitated, mad with his brother and Mae both but realizing they had bigger issues to deal with. Roy LeGrange was still healing people which meant more people were going to die. "The old man I saw on stage. I didn't wanna believe it, but deep down I knew it."

"You knew what? What are you talking about?"

"There's only one thing that can give and take life like that."

Sam might have been confused but Mae was running through the short list in her head. There were a lot of creatures, demons and everything in between that might kill a man, drain away his life but few that could trade it.

"You don't mean…" Mae trailed off as she narrowed her eyes at him. Dean just nodded.

"A reaper."

"You really think it's the Grim Reaper? Like, angel of death, collect your soul, the whole deal?" Sam asked, a little confounded by the implications of that.

"No, no, no. Not _the Reaper_ , a reaper. There's reaper lore in pretty much every culture on Earth. Go by a hundred different names. It's possible that there's more than one of 'em."

"Gatekeepers basically. Ranging from all manner of level of authority." Mae added.

"But you said you saw a dude in a suit."

"Well, what, do you think he should've been workin' the whole black robe thing? You said it yourself that the clock stopped, right?" Dean held up a piece of paper with a reaper on it. "Reapers stop time. And you can only see 'em when they're comin' at you, which is why I could see it and you couldn't."

"Maybe. "

"There's nothing else it could be, Sam. The question is how's Roy controllin' the damn thing?"

Mae stood to pace now. "Controlling a reaper, that takes some serious brass. It's like… hell, I've never heard of anyone being able to control a force of nature like that without some serious repercussions. "

"That cross."

Sam said it to Dean, but Mae answered first. "Yeah, it was an old school Coptic cross.

At the time, Dean hadn't been paying much attention to the decorations. "What?" He asked.

"There was this cross. I noticed it in the church tent; I knew I had seen it before. Here." Sam shuffled through the deck before pulling out the Death card.

Dean looked, skeptical. "A tarot?"

"It makes sense. I mean, tarot dates back to the early Christian era, right? When some priests were still using magic? And a few of them veered into the dark stuff. Necromancy, and how to push death away, how to cause it."

"So, Roy is using black magic to bind the reaper?"

Mae held up her hand as she shook her head no. "Yeah but… the Coptic cross was supposed to represent the everlasting and eternal love of God and the resurrection. It kind of makes sense, you know for a faith healer."

"Why the hell do you know that and why the hell are you on his side?" Dean asked her, not expecting the encyclopedia routine from Mavis.

She smirked. "Catholic school, dude. I've got fancy handwriting and know all kinds of things that only come up in this line of work. And I'm not on anyone's side. If it's dark magic, it's dark magic, and we stop it."

Sam didn't entirely understand why they were picking this time to have a fight over this particular subject, but he was going to try to put a stop to it. "Well, clearly this is something darker. And if it is, he's riding the whirlwind. It's like putting a dog leash on a Great White."

Dean slapped the card down on the table and got up to put his coffee mug in the sink, all the while the wheels were turning in his head. As he leaned against the counter, he sent Mae a brief but withering look before he spoke. "Ok, then we stop Roy."

"How?"

It was written on Dean's face. Sam was still a bit too used to normal life, not quite a 'hunter for life'. Yet. "You know how."

While Mae might have been more of a hunter, she still didn't like where Dean's head was. "No way. I do not get the dark magic vibe from Roy. Churchy but that's not evil."

"We're not basing this off your vibes Mae."

"But yours were good enough? I felt something weird too but-"

"What did you feel?" Dean asked.

"I don't know, probably nothing. It was just for a second and it could have been anything. So..."

His brother and Mae might not have been yelling but Sam did. "Will the two of you stop it? What the hell are you talking about, Dean? We can't _kill_ Roy."

"Sam, the guy's playing God, he's deciding who lives and who dies, that's a monster in my book."

"No, we're not gonna kill a human being, Dean. We do that, we're no better than he is."

At least Sam was being rational and making the critical point. And at least Dean listen to him, instead of arguing like he was inclined to do with Mae. "Okay, so we can't kill Roy, we can't kill death. Any bright ideas, college boy?"

Sam's brow quirked a little underneath his pangs. and he had to think fast before Dean changed his mind and went back to the 'Kill Roy' plan. "Okay, uh, if Roy is using some kind of black spell on the reaper, we've gotta figure out what it is. And how to break it."


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

* * *

Dean was irritable but he had a nagging feeling that he was being too harsh to Mae. He had every right to be mad with her and Sam. They hatched up this plan and kept it from him. But, he thought, he didn't need to layer anything on top of his issues with the female hunter.

They were getting ready to investigate, find a way to put a stop to the spell. Dean needed to talk with her first. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her aside. "You know, this isn't your responsibility Mae. I'm not on death's door anymore. You can take off it you want."

That one fair eyebrow quirked, telling him he was out of his mind even before she spoke. "Is that your subtle way of saying get the hell out of here?"

"No, it's my way of saying that if you don't want to stay, don't feel like you're obligated."

Mae wasn't mad about that. She wanted to be, but he had a point and a valid one. "Except I am. I'm obligated because there's a case here. This is what we do, and I'm obligated because… because I got you involved in this. So, unless you're saying _you_ can't do this with me, I'm gonna stay."

Once again, Mae reminded him that he couldn't anticipate which way she was going to go when it came to him. Warm or cold, close or distant. She was a constant question mark for him. Admittedly, he liked her desire to stay because hopefully it meant she'd had enough space. "Okay."

That could have been the end of things but she turned her hand so she could grab his wrist instead. "And Dean, I'm sorry."

Those big blue gray eyes were sympathetic, open and as far as he could judge, honest. She was sorry and she was here to stay and put a stop to whatever evil thing they'd stumbled upon. His now perfectly healthy heart picked up its pace, even though he wanted to stay even tempered around her. His heart made him soften, almost immediately. "I don't blame you."

The woman gave him a half smile and shrugged self-consciously, letting go of his arm. "The hell you don't. You must be distracted by the breasts. Or something. Maybe it's my charming personality or superb people skills."

He chuckled, letting some of the tension out of their conversation. Whatever argument lingered on the margins of their conversation dissolved. Damn it all if he didn't want to believe her best view of him. He believed that she and Sam didn't know what they were getting involved in and that they only wanted to keep him alive. He also didn't want to blame her for bringing him to the healer. He wanted to believe that this was all okay, but he couldn't get around the truth of this case. "Maybe."

The lack of argument on his part left her feeling insecure so she tucked her hands in her jeans pockets. "Well either way, I'm sorry I got you stuck in the middle of this. For the record though, if I had it to do over, I would probably do the same thing. I mighta blindfolded you first." She said, smirking just a little

"Not funny." He said with a frown.

"C'mon, if it happened to anyone but you, you wouldn't be this upset."

Dean shook his head. He pulled away from her to cross his arms over his chest. "Maybe. Depends on who."

"I know. You're my who. Sam's too. So, you can't rag too hard on him for this, for doing the only thing you boys were told to do consistently growing up."

She was still wrong, Dean decided. She made some sense, but she was still wrong. "Yeah well—"

"It's okay. I get it and, trust me, your brother does too. I don't think either of us like knowing that you're alive because someone else is dead. That doesn't change the fact that we care about you and we'd really rather keep you alive, all things considered."

Dean gave her a kind look. "You're driving me insane, you know that? I, just for once. want to be able to figure something about you out and for it stay true for five minutes."

"Hey, I may be a bitch, I may be unstable, and I may be crazy as hell but I'm not heartless and I'm not lying to you here. Even if that means that sometimes I have to tell you things you don't like, like you're a decent person and I didn't want you to die."

"That makes me sound...disturbed."

"You're totally disturbed, dude. But I still..."

She came close, he thought, before she cleared her throat and let her eyes fall away from his.

"We should get back to work." Mae finally said.

* * *

The trio found themselves back at the revival meeting, walking across the parking area with a mission. "If Roy is using a spell, there might be a spell book." Sam said.

"See if you can find it." Dean looked down at his watch, "Hurry up, too, the service starts in fifteen minutes. I'll try to stall Roy."

Mae nodded her agreement as Sam confirmed. "Alright."

They walked up to the man who had been denouncing the Reverend earlier as he passed out flyers. "Roy LeGrange is a fraud. He's no healer." He proclaimed.

"Amen, brother" Dean said before his brother added. "You keep up the good word."

For whatever reason, Mae didn't buy it or agree so she kept her mouth shut as the man thanked them for their support.

They split up, Dean heading towards the tent while Sam and Mae made their way towards Roy's house. His wife Sue Ann and another man were helping the reverend down the stairs of the porch, presumably heading towards the tent for the service. They skulked around the porch, looking for a way in. The hunters waited until the coast seemed clear before sneaking in through an unlocked window.

"They're awfully trusting." Mae muttered.

She had been to the house once already but only knew where the sitting room was, so that didn't aid them much in finding their way around. Eventually, they found their way into an office or library that from the looks of it was rarely used. They both started going through the books, mostly Christian related reading along with some classical literature. Nothing particularly damning, Mae thought. Most of the books and the shelves held a thick layer of dust.

Sam found a space that had been wiped clear of dust in front of a book, an Encyclopedia of Christian History. As he flipped through the book, Mae stepped beside him. Since it wasn't feasible to read over his shoulder, she stood off to his side to read it. However, his attention was caught by something else. Behind the encyclopedia was a smaller book still on the shelf, carefully hidden. He handed her the encyclopedia before retrieving the smaller book.

This one provided more evidence, more cause to point the finger at the reverend. Mae frowned as Sam came across a page with a picture of a reaper on it. Flipping back, there was a picture of the Coptic cross on one page. There were newspaper clipping between the pages, one on an openly gay teacher, an abortion rights advocate, and the man who had been objecting in the parking lot. Mae and Sam exchanged a worried look.

"Well this could mean anything," she said to him.

"Like not only is the good reverend killing people to heal others, he's got an obvious plan to it?"

"Now…" She didn't have anything else, just that feeling that Roy really believed what he was doing was the work of God. Since she didn't say anything more Sam picked up his phone.

Dean answered. "What do you got?"

"Roy's choosing victims he sees as immoral. And I think I know who's next on his list. Remember that protester?"

"The guy in the parking lot?"

"Yeah. Yeah, we'll find him. But you can't let Roy heal anyone, alright?" Sam closed the book and shoved it into his coat pocket.

They exited the house and went searching for the protester, David Wright, wandering through the lot of cars, vans and buses. While they were doing that, Dean tried to figure out a way to stop the services. It was easier before he stepped inside, discovering that it was Layla who was going to be healed next. Mae had been right, there were some people that didn't make this sort of trade seem quite as bad. Layla was a perfectly nice girl, a girl who didn't have a chance at a normal life without this. But Dean couldn't trade the life of that man in the parking lot for hers, not knowingly.

After her name was announced and the crowd began cheering, Layla walked up to the stage. It was the only chance he'd have so Dean stopped her.

"Layla, listen to me, you can't go up there."

"Why not? We've waited for months."

"You can't let Roy heal you."

"I don't understand. I mean, Roy healed you, didn't he? Why wouldn't I at least let him try?"

"Because if you do, something bad is gonna happen. I can't explain, I just need you to believe me."

Sue Ann spoke up and gestured the young woman forward. "Layla."

"Please." Dean begged her. She turned to look at her mother who so desperately wanted her daughter to go forward with the healing.

"I'm sorry." She walked away from Dean now.

He called after her, but she didn't stop. Sue Ann brought her on stage. It made his stomach turn with nerves. He had to stop this.

"Pray with me, friends," the reverend began before turning to the young woman, "I hope you're ready."

She replied, "I am."

Roy moved to place his hand on her head. Dean had to figure out a way to stop it and since he didn't have the time, he went on instinct. "Fire! Hey, tent's on fire!" The crowd looks around frantically as Dean called out, then they started to rush out of the tent as he continued to yell. "Fire! Everybody get out of here!

Roy tried to calm the people, restore some order. "Friends, if you'd all just leave the tent in an orderly fashion, then we can figure out what's going on out there."

* * *

Outside, Mae and Sam had run into some problems of their own in locating David. The cry of help drew their attention, but they weren't sure where it came from exactly. The pair took off in the direction of the cry as fast as they could.

"Help! Help me, please!" After another frantic call, they found him and ran to his side but there was no sign of danger. Just like Dean had said earlier, they couldn't see him because the reaper wasn't after them.

By his side now, Sam asked, "Where is it?"

David pointed. "It's right there! " he said like it should be obvious, like they couldn't not see it. But of course, the reaper wasn't after Mae or Sam so they never would see it. Curiously, Mae didn't feel the same sensation she had in the tent when Dean was healed. She though, perhaps she had been reacting to whatever supernatural pretense had been in the tent. But she wasn't here, which only raised more questions.

Sam and Mae glanced at each other before they tugged at him, flanking him on each side.

"Alright, come on!" Sam ordered as they started to run. It was a foolish plan, but they didn't have another option. Run or let the reaper take another person who had been judged by the wrong people.

* * *

Sam's phone rang and he and David stopped their run, Mae only slowed, not particularly trusting what was happening. "I did it. I stopped Roy." Dean said to his brother.

That was easy, Sam thought. "David, I think it's okay."

David nodded but he turned and looked around fearfully, his face went blank. "No!"

The two hunters were left speechless. It should have worked but since it didn't, they didn't know exactly what to do. They couldn't fight something they couldn't see, and they could fight something they couldn't fight anyway. They watched as David was brought to the ground but the unseen force. "Dean, it didn't work! The reaper's still comin'!"

Mae moved to help David, but Sam held her back with a strong hand on her shoulder as he talk to his brother. He didn't want Mae to get caught in the cross fire or be accidentally killed because the reaper decided she was just as good a target.

"I'm tellin' you! I'm tellin' you, it must not have worked. Roy must not be controlling this thing!"

"Then who is?" Mae asked harshly at the same time his brother was asking a similar question.

"Sue Ann?" Sam repeated as he pulled the phone away from his ear after Dean hung up briskly.

Turning to the taller hunter now, Mae parroted the name with just as much question. "Sue Ann? What about Sue Ann? Dean thinks she's controlling the reaper?"

"I guess, he didn't exactly explain much."

Mae squinted and frowned before with a sigh she looked back at the prone David. She ran her hands through her hair, aggravated. "Well what the hell do we do?"

But then something happened. He stopped gasping for breath, color came back into David's face. For whatever reason, the reaper didn't take him. Sam only hesitated a second longer before grabbing him and helping him to his feet. "I got ya. I got ya."

"Thank God." He gasped.

"Yeah or something like that." Mae muttered to Sam.

* * *

It had been so easy to blame the reverend, but he should have been willing to look further. Sue Ann had just as much reason to pull something like this to save her husband. It made him feel stupid but more than that it made him angry.

He looked her dead on in the eye, fingering the Coptic cross before tucking it in her shirt and calling for help. Much too quickly the sheriff's deputies showed up and pulled Dean away. He didn't fight back but he kept his eyes fiercely locked on Sue Ann. He knew what she was doing, and he wanted her to know that too.

The deputies escorted him out of the tent, Sue Ann not far behind. The woman stood in front of Dean. "I just don't understand. After everything we've done for you, after Roy healed you. We're very, very disappointed, Dean. You can let him go, I'm not gonna press charges. The Lord will deal with him as he sees fit."

She walked away with that ominous phrase.

The deputies did let him go; of course, they offered a warning to him before they did. "We catch you around here again, son, we'll put the fear of God in you, understand?

Dean nodded, slightly amused. "Yes, sir. Fear of God. Got it." They shoved him away and as he righted himself, he noticed Layla standing there.

"Why would you do that, Dean? When it could've been my only chance. "

"He's not a healer."

"He healed you."

He hated being in this situation and he wished he could change it somehow, but they still had a job to do. "I know it doesn't seem fair. And I wish I could explain, but Roy is not the answer. I'm sorry."

"Goodbye, Dean. I wish you luck. I really do."

"Same to you." He replied as he watched her leave before saying to himself, "You deserve it a lot more than me."

He lingered a moment, watching the young woman before he decided to leave, find Mae and Sam. He walked by Roy, Sue Ann and Layla's mother as he left.

Roy was speaking to the woman. "Private session tonight. No interruptions. I give you my word. I'll heal your daughter."

"Thank you, Reverend. God bless you."

* * *

Back in the motel room, they tried to absorb more what had happened to them during their last trip to Roy's. Sam sat on the edge of one of the beds. "So, Roy really believes?" Sam asked.

Dean eased the drapes to the side, looking out as Mae leaned against the wall next to the window. "I don't think he has any idea what his wife's doing."

"See, I told you. I know people." Mae said smugly.

"You want me to get you a cookie?"

"Well," Sam said a little louder than the other two hunters, "I found this hidden in their library. It's ancient. Written by a priest who went dark side. There's a binding spell in here for trapping a reaper.

Sitting on the other bed now, he took the book as his brother offered it, leafing through the pages. "Must be a hell of a spell."

"Yeah. You've got to build a black altar, with seriously dark stuff. Bones, human blood. To cross the line like that, that preacher's wife. Black magic, murder. Evil." Sam shook his head, not understating how someone could go that far.

"Desperate." Dean said flicking his eyes to his brother, "Her husband was dying, she'd have done anything to save him." Then his gaze landed back on Mae who looked away from him quickly. "She was using the binding spell to keep the reaper away from Roy."

"Cheating death. Literally."

"Yeah, but Roy's alive, so why's she still using the spell?"

"Right. To force the reaper to kill people she thinks are immoral."

It was a little much for Dean. "May God save us from half the people who think they're doing God's work."

"We've gotta break that binding spell, guys." Sam said looking back and forth from Mae to Dean.

His thumb ran down the picture in the book. "You know, Sue Ann had a Coptic cross like this. And when she dropped it, the reaper backed off."

"Maybe she just called if off when you caused that scene." Mae chimed in.

But Dean shook his head. "No, she was still praying or whatever when I came up to her. That cross has something to do with it."

"So, you think we've gotta find the cross or destroy the altar?" Sam asked.

"Maybe both? Whatever we do, we better do it soon. Roy's healing Layla tonight. "

* * *

Mae wanted to be anywhere else. Dean might have understood desperation but that didn't mean he was close to forgiving her or Sam for putting him in this position. Now he knew what his life had cost someone else. That might not have been the part that bothered him the most though. She knew he was bothered by keeping Layla from getting healed twice already. And they were going in for the third time. Roy really was her one last chance.

"That's Layla's car. She's already here."

"Yeah." She heard the reluctance in Dean's tone. He was thinking about letting the woman be healed before putting a stop to this.

Sam had heard it too. "Dean."

"You know, if Roy would have picked Layla instead of me, she'd be healed right now."

"Dean, don't."

Sam's chastising didn't stop him. "And if she's not healed tonight, she's gonna die in a couple months."

"What's happening to her is horrible. But what are you gonna do? Let somebody else die to save her? You said it yourself, Dean. You can't play God."

* * *

They could hear the reverend from outside the tent. "Gather round. Please, everyone, gather round. Come in closer. Come on up."

They peaked inside to see Layla getting up on stage.

"Where's Sue Ann?"

They didn't see the woman anywhere. "House." Sam said with a backwards glance.

Mae couldn't tell if that was good or bad. It would be easier she decided fewer people and less of a scene.

Again, Dean was thinking along the same lines when he touched her shoulder, locked eyes with her and gave her an order, hoping that she would follow it for once. "Go find Sue Ann. I'll catch up."

"What are you—?" Sam started before Dean was walking around the front of the house, drawing attention to himself.

"Hey. He called out to the two officers who were once again in the perfect place at the perfect time. "You gonna put that fear of God in me?"

Dean took off and they gave chase. Leaving Mae and Sam with the job of finding Sue Ann Dean led the officer through the parking lot, ducking and hiding behind whatever he could. They swept the ground with flashlights, knowing Dean couldn't have gotten far.

"You see him?" One of the deputies asked the other.

"No."

It was almost too close when Dean had risen from his crouch only to draw the attention of the dog inside who started barking frantically. Of course, that brought the attention of the deputies.

"Psycho mutt."

Fortunately, upon seeing only the barking dog, they went searching in another direction, leaving Dean safe from pursuit upon the roof of the trailer.

* * *

Mae and Sam hid from view until Dean led the deputies safely away. They ran up the steps of the porch, looking in the windows, finding only darkness. The pair walked almost all the way around the wrap around porch before finding a cellar, the crack between the doors glowing with light.

They went around to ground level and Sam opened the doors quietly letting Mae in before descending into the cellar himself. They had hit the jackpot, as far as black altars went. The last time they found one, it had been more of a prop for some unfortunate teenage sex but this one was the real deal. It was covered with crosses, blood, bones, candles, and wax. In the middle of the altar was a picture of Dean. It was blurry and not a particularly good one, but it was Dean, nonetheless, taken from the church's security camera. Sue Ann had crossed over his face with a blood red 'X'.

Sam pick the picture up, a new sense of rage sweeping through his veins. It was mellowed when Sue Anne spoke up. "I gave your brother life, and I can take it away."

She took them by surprise and since they didn't have much time to do the dirty work, Sam overturned the altar while Mae took off after Sue Ann followed soon by Sam. She must have anticipated it because she rushed out the cellar, locking the doors behind her.

Mae could have sworn Sam growled as he made his way to her side before using all his strength to try to force the door open. Sue Ann called out again. "Can't you see? The Lord chose me to reward the just and punish the wicked. And your brother is wicked. And he deserves to die just as Layla deserves to live. It's God's will."

As she spoke, Sam gave up on trying force the door open and looked around the room for another way out. He noticed a small window boarded up and grabbed Mae by the wrist. "C'mon." He whispered.

"Goodbye, Sam." Sue Ann said.

He used the end of a chunk of lumber to bust through. "We've gotta get to Dean." He said before he helped Mae through the opening.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

* * *

Having escaped the deputies, Dean still needed to find another way to stop Roy or Sue Ann, just in case Mae and Sam hadn't been able to yet. But then the street lights began to go out and he turned to see the man in the suit, the reaper. This time he wasn't there to bring him back from the brink of death.

But Dean didn't run, even as the reaper put his hand to the side of Dean's face. He groaned in pain as he felt that overwhelming coldness grip at him again. He fell to his knees, gasping for breath but still convinced on some level that this was fair.

Mae and Sam on the other hand, now out of the cellar went after Sue Ann. She didn't seem all that phased by the destruction of her altar so they reasoned the cross must be the source of her power. And they both knew that her new target was Dean. They had to stop her before she went through with her spell.

The tent was the only logical place for Sue Ann to go and that's where the pair ran towards. But as they ran, Mae felt something strange come over her. It wasn't pain exactly, more of a numbness and a buzzing in her head. It made her vision go blurry for a moment. Her stomach flipped and she was impossibly cold. She'd felt it before, when Dean was healed the first time.

"We're close." She said to Sam, trying not to gasp, as he spotted Sue Ann behind the tent.

It must have been the spell. She stopped running, hoping Sam wouldn't stop because of it. Whatever the spell was, whatever this flavor of magic was left her reeling. She's had a run of bad luck with spells lately, she reminded herself. She didn't think she was being targeted, based on the altar but something was happening to her.

Fortunately, Sam didn't stop. He ran right up to Sue Ann and ripping the cross from her hands, threw it to the ground. It shattered and as if on cue, Mae felt everything clear in time to hear Sue Ann. "My God! What have you done?"

"He's not your God." Sam told her.

The woman looked like she might try to run but she didn't get far before her color drained from her face and that unseen force dropped her to the ground. She collapsed and twitched several times before she lay deadly still on the ground.

"You okay?" Sam asked her when he finally turned around, "What happened?"

Mae shook her head. She had felt odd before but now she felt a little more embarrassed. "I don't know. Nothing. I'm fine.

* * *

On the drive to the motel, Sam told Dean about the altar, the cross, everything they had witnessed while Dean told them about the reaper. And Mae was silent the whole time, sitting in the back of the Impala, staring out the window and thinking. When they got back to the motel, it was late. Too late, she decided to head back out on the road. Besides she wasn't feeling exactly right but since things were back to normal, more or less, there wasn't anything left to do.

She supposed she could have driven to another town or something, just to put some distance between her and whatever uncomfortable conversation might come next. At the same time, leaving things as they were felt wrong. Neither she nor Dean spoke to the other that night. He didn't ask her to stay and she didn't offer it up. Maybe he just didn't want to be the one to say it. Mae stayed, nonetheless. Back in her motel room she didn't even undress before she lay down on the bed.

The morning brought the question of what she should do. On one hand, she could leave, high tail it out of there and while she knew it would hurt Dean, it would give her the time to do what she needed to do. Maybe once she finished the hunt she needed to finish, she could try to make things up to Dean, come clean, and maybe he'd forgive her. That was a little too much thought for the future, she decided.

Mae shook her head, she couldn't do that to him. And she couldn't ask him to get involved in her life either. She wasn't going to give up her mission and they weren't going to give up theirs. That part she understood. No matter how she and Dean felt about each other, they would distract each other. Maybe once they found their dad, Sam found the creature that killed Jessica, and she took care of her unfinished business, then she and Dean had a chance.

They could stay on good terms, all the same. It was only right to say goodbye. She ran into Sam on her way to their room. He offered her a tight smile that held a little bit more guilt than normal.

"What's up, Stretch?"

"Nothing I just- you wanna get a soda?"

Her brow arched again. "It's 10 in the morning. Do you want me to get one?"

"A little."

"Why?"

He frowned and hesitated to tell her what he had done. He knew that Dean was upset about what happened and he thought it was only right for him and Layla to talk. Maybe it would make him feel a little better. "Layla and Dean-"

Mae cut him off with the raise of her hand. "Dude, whatever they want to do is fine by me."

"They're not having sex or anything. I don't think they are anyway. I just thought he should talk to her."

Her eyes widened a bit. "O-kay. Listen, why don't you just do whatever you were going to do, and I'll do what I was going to do.

* * *

Because Layla was still there when Mae got to the room, she didn't knock, and she didn't go in. She wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but she wasn't trying not to either. Sam hadn't closed the door all the way. While she felt a twinge of jealousy, moreover, she felt remorse and sympathy for both Dean and Layla.

Mae ducked out of the way as Layla left, hoping she'd go unnoticed before making her way to the boys' room a few minutes later. "Hey," she said.

The door was still open, so Mae had just stepped inside the frame, not entering all the way but standing in the doorway. Dean was wide eyed, surprised, and perhaps a little worried that she had heard any part of his conversation. He didn't want to deal with a fight with her right then. "Hey Red, I'm… I thought you would have been long gone by now."

While the notion made her heart squeeze with the knowledge that there wasn't anything, she had done to convince him otherwise. She didn't detect any sort of sharpness or malevolence in his tone. She only shook her head no.

"Well uh, Sammy an' me will heading out soon."

"Yeah, I figured, what with the packing and all."

Their conversation was odd. Usually they would be fighting by now or talking comfortably but instead, they were on eggshells. They both avoided anything that might be provocative, avoided eye contact and it left them inhabiting the room with an overwhelming sense of awkwardness.

"So… feeling better?" Dean offered her a cockeyed glance in response. "Stupid question, I guess." She said.

He nodded but sat on the edge of the bed with a sigh. "I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this."

"I don't know either, but can I suggest that you be grateful? Because I am."

She had been uncharacteristically nice to him lately. Or, he corrected himself, she'd been nicer to him than he wanted her to be. He been hurt when she told him she needed space. It seemed needlessly mean but she hadn't been particularly mean lately, all because she thought he was dying. Now he wasn't and he wasn't sure what that meant. "I'm glad to be alive, maybe even happy but I am not worth more than someone else."

"Well, I never met that guy personally, I don't know anything about him, but I do know you and I can say that the world isn't a better place without you." She took a seat on the bed next to him. "That doesn't make it right and I know that doesn't ease your guilt, but you can't trade back so you'd best make it worth it. You have to live a life that makes it worth it."

His head angled as he looked at the lovely slant of her jaw, partially obscured by her long red hair. He loved her profile, her pretty face, those plump lips and slender nose. It used to be rounder, but she'd lost the baby fat and now her face showed off that alluring bone structure. Damned if he didn't wish things were different.

Because he didn't want her to move her hand, he laid his over the top after he gave a long sigh. "You know, I really could have used a friend Mae. I mean, that's what we said right?"

"I was here the whole time and I was...friendly."

He shook his head. She was either being too literal or deliberately ignoring the subject and he wanted to talk about it. He wasn't going to let this wound fester this time. "I mean before that. That whole time we weren't talking, I could have used a friend. I don't know if we could have ignored everything that happened between us or what might happen or if we even need to but...I've missed you. I just really could have used someone to talk to."

"Well, there's always Sam-"

He interrupted her. "Except for when he's the problem."

She frowned. "What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing, he's just… it's like we're not on the same page."

"Haven't you always kind of been on separate pages? The two of you are pretty different."

"Not like you an' me, right?"

Her lips pressed together in a thin line that eventually morphed into a tiny smile. "Well, that's probably true. I'm here now though, what's wrong?"

He stood up now, pacing a little, trying to figure out why, even when she was trying to do what he wanted her to do, he was aggravated by her. "Past is past Mae. It's fine."

"So, what now, you're pissed off that I wasn't around to be your emotional sponge and make you feel better? I wouldn't drop things on a dime for you, like you wanted, so you'll punish me by stonewalling me?"

"No, I'm not focusing on shit that isn't important. Sam and I will work things out. I'm just saying that while he's riding my ass, it would have been nice to be able to call someone- you- and say, my life sucks right now. And I wasn't asking you to drop anything to do that. You could have...just fucking talked to me."

"I'm sorry. I didn't think you had come to see me as your confidant."

He gave a deep sigh. He hated it when she was so proper and well-mannered. "You always used to be. It didn't seem weird."

"Dean, you can't just expect one night to change everything."

"It did for me."

She closed her eyes, feeling that bittersweet twist of emotion come over her again. "C'mon…"

"I'm serious Mae. I saw just how much I actually like being with you, when we weren't focusing on all the screwed-up stuff or fighting or under some damn spell. And you do too! I know you do, you just...won't say it. It's driving me insane, when I think about how things can go smoothly but then you slam on the breaks."

She didn't want to watch him pace. Her eyes focused over on the window, although with the curtains closed, there wasn't much for her to look at. "It's not you Dean. I like you…when you aren't completely annoying me, I like the time we spend together too. And I get that...maybe it's not fair, maybe it doesn't make sense to you but...there's something I need to get done. The problem here, it's me."

"I know it is." She pinned him with a sharp stare but realizing there was no judgment in his words and more importantly realizing that it was the truth, her expression softened. "But I don't care, okay? Do you?"

"Yeah, of course I do. The things that happened—my getting hurt, screwing your dad and my-everything other little thing—There are reasons I am like this. And I need...I need to do something. I don't want to tell you want it is right now, okay? But it's important for me to do. I-I don't know when I'll finish it, I don't know if-"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're right, there is something between you and me. I don't know what it is but...I can't get it to go away. I get that ignoring you was...ineffective at best and hurt you at worst. So, I'm sorry."

"I hear a pretty big 'but' in there."

Mae shook her head. She swallowed, hard. She had not come over her to discuss this, but he had this way of making her want to tell him everything. And maybe Sam was right, he deserved at least a piece of the reason she was acting the way she was. "It's a small to medium but... like I said, I need to...finish something I started, put an end to something I... did."

"You know, if it's the sort of thing that's in our line of work, we could help you."

"No."

"No? As simple as that?"

"As simple as that. It's too big a risk."

"You know that sounds crazy."

She gave a weak smile. "Crazy's my thing."

"Well...if you won't let me help you that way, maybe you could still talk to me, in the meantime. You know, so I know whatever your hunting hasn't killed you. Or, you know, I'm not too shabby in the research department. I could help in other ways Mae."

"Maybe."

"I realize this is going to sound... hypocritical maybe but I'm willing to take the risk Maes, even if it's dangerous."

She stood up, brushing her hands over her pants momentarily. "We're kinda outta faith healers to bring you back if..."

Dean smirked just a bit. For some reason it was a relief to have her talk about it. He knew there was more, something bigger that perhaps she thought was shameful or too painful to talk about yet. Dean just couldn't imagine what it could be. Maybe a hunt gone wrong where people died, and she felt responsible for it. That was the most likely scenario It made him see her in a different light, not quite so cold and distant about her own damn life. She looked much more human. If her intention had been to push him further away, she hadn't managed. Maybe this wasn't the worst thing to happen to him because it had managed to break down a big chunk of that wall she's put up.

He turned to her, talking her hands in his. "Mae, I don't want to play this game anymore. I don't want this to be goodbye. I don't want us to just ignore whatever this is."

Now she turned to look at him with sad, blue eyes. "What do you think is going to happen with us? You think I'm going to shack up with you and hop from crappy motel to crappy motel with you and your brother?

Dean shrugged as she slid her hands from his. "I can think of worse things. What's so wrong about that?"

"I'm not exactly the team work kind of girl"

"The hell you aren't. We do good work together and you know it. Plus, there's something here."

"I'm not denying that but c'mon how feasible is it for us to go off hunting together and have some sort of relationship?"

"We could try."

It was so crushing to argue with him about this because he simply couldn't see her argument. Maybe he really could accept her, warts and all but she didn't feel the same way about herself. "Okay, here's the deal Dean, in an effort to be more truthful. I still need some time. Being with you muddies the waters and after this… well, it should be clear that I'm... I do have feelings for you. I have to finish this thing over my head, and I know you get what that's like."

"Yeah." He didn't know what, but it was in her voice, that little hitch at the last part that screamed 'secret' to him. Maybe it had to do with her possession and something that had been unearthed because of that. He knew it had left her more than a little frayed and they left while she was probably still vulnerable. Maybe she was still shaken up over it. "So, where does that leave you? Us?"

"I-could...possibly...maybe my original premise that keeping you at an arm's length would make things easier was only right for me. And if I consider what you're going through...maybe we could find a happy medium between radio silence and you feeling me up while your brother is in bed three feet from me. So maybe we call, even if that means I don't talk to you for a couple of weeks."

"I'm fine with that up until the no talking part. It doesn't have to be a lot, but a few weeks is too much. I want more than a few phone calls and you showing up if I'm about to die, okay?"

He had this joking tone in his voice, but it wasn't real. It wasn't difficult to see when you knew the man well enough. Still, she smiled and used the same joking mask to help assuage his fear. "Sure. If your brother's about to die, I'd come for that too."

"Be serious for just a second, okay?"

"Okay. I'll call you if that will keep us from having another dust up."

"About you calling me anyway." He said with a grin.

"Fine. But… and this is not some strange compliment, but we have to keep our distance for a while because when I'm with you…"

"You can't keep your hands off me, can you?"

She rolled her eyes. "Believe me I can." But it was followed with a saucy kind of half smile. "I just don't always want to."


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

Summary: So, our last chapter left us at the end of Faith. This chapter picks up takes place after Route 666. Read, review, and enjoy!

* * *

Dean was delaying the inevitable. He felt torn and confused. He had no intention of giving up on what he had going with Mae. He didn't want to. Maybe it was foolhardy, he thought, to be in love with her, to still be in love with that woman. But he was. It must have been important, he reasoned, because this was bothering him.

It was foolish, untrue, and most of all it was stupid, but he felt he cheated on Mae. There were a lot of other times that would have fell into the infidelity category in his history with Mae but this one shouldn't have, should it? They made no agreement, except an exchange of phone calls. Most of the time, he was pretty sure she thought of her feelings for him as a burden. So why shouldn't he enjoy the chance to be with someone who had wanted to be with him? Cassie had, at least for a while.

He hated that it wasn't enough. There were too many issues, issues he surprisingly didn't have with Mae. Of all the issues he had with that woman, hunting wasn't one of them. She understood that. While he might have had a fantasy that things could have worked with Cassie, he knew a normal girl like that wouldn't fit into the life, she would break or come to resent him. That wouldn't happen with Mae.

Then there was that something that Mae held over him. He couldn't define it, he couldn't name it, but at times like this, it was almost tangible. It twisted in his gut and his heart, creating the most intricate of knots waiting her Now, he just wanted her to call him. Yeah, he could have called her first, but this wasn't a test of whether he could call her. They both knew he could.

The question was whether she would, weather she would reach out to him, whether she would meet him halfway. As much as he wanted to see her, he wouldn't ask her to see him, visit her, or ask her for something he knew she would reject. They had both agreed that this wasn't just a fleeting element of lust, attraction or even a fond reminiscence of what once was. This was something different entirely.

That left Dean waiting for her, hanging on to a notion and belief that whatever her hesitation and resistance, she would either give in or embrace it. He hated how much he still wanted her to call when he knew it would be easier to walk away. But it wouldn't. He would still want her, and she would still haunt his thoughts.

In reality, she hadn't made him wait long. He had expected another battled to get her to do this one simple thing they'd promised to do. After they left Nebraska, they'd headed in opposite directions and she had called him when she stopped for the night in Wyoming. She even called the next day. They fell into a nice pattern of calling each other, sometimes it was every day, sometimes it was twice a day and sometimes it was every other day. But they both still called each other.

They never spoke of anything particularly important or evocative, nothing that would raise the hackles of the other. They just spoke. He wouldn't say that it was anything that would lay the foundation for some supremely meaningful relationship; it just kept the channels open.

But now he wasn't sure what to do. He wanted to talk to her, God he did. He hadn't called her while he'd been in Mississippi, not sure he could explain the situation at the time. He'd even let her call go to voicemail. Poor Mae, he thought, she had no idea that he was with the only other woman who'd made him feel anything close to what he felt for her. All the time he spent with Cassie, he found himself thinking about Mavis.

His dueling feelings for both women left him confused. He loved Cassie, at least he thought he did. Outside of his feeling for Mae, he would call it love. But if he compared it to what he felt for Mae, it felt shallow. It felt the way a two-week relationship should feel. He had history with Mae, years of it-good, bad, love, hate, and everything else. That redheaded hunter had a hold on him and there wasn't much that seemed to shake it.

Maybe he would tell her he slept with Cassie and she would laugh, shrug it off. Most women wouldn't. Sure, he wasn't having sex with Mae, but he damn well wanted to be. He didn't want to have to start from scratch with her. Not telling her didn't seem like the best option either. He just couldn't figure out how to be with her and keep this a secret.

Things between them changed, little by little. She was more comfortable, more open, and their calls were easily becoming more flirtatious. It was no longer just an experiment or test of trust. No, their conversations were what he'd hoped for from the beginning. Now he was in an odd spot. Did he tell her and risk her calling things off or did he kept it to himself and risk her finding out later?

His thoughts hadn't made her call, he knew, but when she finally did, it felt kismet and for the first time, it filled him with a sense of dread. If she was going to pull the plug, he wanted it to be quick.

"Hey there, I was beginning to think… well, I was getting worried. Tough case or something?"

Dean paused, trying to determine if there was something more to what she was saying, if she knew what had happened. That was paranoia, he decided. There was no way for her to know unless Sam said something and he knew his brother wouldn't have been having secret calls with her, just to disclose women he might have flirted or slept with. "Yeah, I guess… it was, it was a weird case. We had a possessed car to deal with. It was pretty intense."

"Are we talkin' Christine, Maximum Overdrive, or The Hearse? Remember The Hearse? It was borderline awful."

"I guess which ever one involved a vengeful spirit."

"Well, you took care of it right?"

"Yeah, we did."

Dean wasn't always talkative, but he seemed particularly withdrawn tonight. "Is something wrong? Did something bad happen?"

"Nothing's wrong."

He knew she wouldn't believe him. He didn't believe him. It was stupid to try to lie to her he realized. They weren't trying to reconnect only to start lying to each other again.

"So, it was a big thing that happened huh?"

Under different circumstances, he would have laughed at how easily she saw through him, even only going by his voice. Maybe he wanted her to hear that in his tone. "Not big, not exactly. It's… complex."

Her stomach knotted against her will. In her mind, she listed all the things she thought he would consider complex, that would distract him but not send him into a defensive fight or flight response. The list was difficult to come up with and didn't like the options. She swore if he was breaking up with her, she wasn't going to show any kind of girly emotions. The thought still stabbed at her in a way she thought she couldn't be hurt any more.

Maybe that had been his plan from the beginning. Draw her out, make her feel comfortable, then give her the chop so she knew what it would feel like too. His last job had changed something, and she had to steal herself against the blow, as if it were physical. "Well, out with it Dean. You know how I hate to wait."

"I slept with someone else."

Odd, she thought, but the confession made her feel relief. Mae had expected different words and not hearing those seemed like a boon. She closed her eyes. Of course, thinking about him with another woman wasn't one she cared to dwell on, but it was hardly what she feared. She was aware of both his proclivities and reputation. He'd always had the ability to charm someone out of their pants and into his bed. She wasn't immune to it either.

While they'd never discussed if they should sleep with other people or if they had some kind of monogamous commitment, on some level she hoped he wouldn't. But she knew it was a possibility. Under the right circumstances, she might have found herself in bed with someone else too.

They weren't even dating so believing that neither of them would have sex ever again was an unrealistic expectation. If she wasn't willing to make a larger commitment to him, she couldn't expect him to do anything different. But she wasn't mad. She expected to be at least a little mad. No, she felt lost more than anything. When he said that, she didn't know what it meant.

"I mean, I've slept with other people too." She said, being just a little callous and evasive

He frowned. If she had slept with someone else, she clearly hadn't felt the same way about telling him. "Since we last saw each other?"

She didn't feel like lying to him, she couldn't really lie to him on this count. "Well no if you're counting time in a linear fashion," she said after a pause, "but, just for the record, I'm not holding you to some standard we didn't agree to. If I had wanted you to not have sex, I should have said so. And for the record, I don't exactly need a running total of your barroom conquests."

It wasn't the answer he had predicted but it also wasn't the one he feared. "Um, maybe if it was that sort of thing, I wouldn't be telling you. Or at least I wouldn't tell you like that. She was someone I met years ago, and we had a... thing."

Her heart sank, straight down to her belly like it was made of lead. She had steeled herself against that first admission but this one seemed harsher. Mae didn't have a long list of breakups on her record, but this seemed like it might be a bad one. "I see. Well, you know that just means… it doesn't mean anything for us, I guess because we're... we're friends."

He had to smile to himself, just a little. Mae was upset by his confession and he like the idea that she might be jealous. What he liked more was that she wasn't calling it quits because of that. She was trying to make the best of it.

"That's not what I'm saying."

"Oh, so you don't want to be friends anymore? You're the one who want these check ins and... does this mean you don't want to keep… trying? Okay, that's fine, I guess."

"Will you just stop for a second? I'm telling you because, well because she meant something me but so do you. And I feel really bad about it. Even though we're not together…"

"You felt… _bad_ about it?"

He heard the skepticism in her voice, he liked that too. "A little. Not that I would go back and change things. I needed to know if anything was still there."

"So, you're telling me to unburden yourself, onto me? I don't need to know who you're sleeping with since we're not together. I-Are you telling me this to see if it bothers me or because you feel like we keep dancing around something more serious, like you keep saying, and you had a chance to get laid and took it but now you feel guilty and hope I can say something to make you feel okay?"

"I... yeah, I guess."

Mae didn't want to know the answer to her question, but she had to ask it. "So...is there anything there between you and this girl?"

Dean didn't want to lie to her, he couldn't lie to her. He didn't want to hurt her at the same time. "Yeah, a little. I guess. Or there was. But maybe there isn't now. But… it's not like with you and me. I kept thinking about you and I don't know what that means. Seems like it means something."

She was quite a while. "What's her name?"

Her question almost made him do a double take. Of all the things she could have asked… maybe she was trying to trap him, but he couldn't exactly figure out why she would do that. Maybe he had misheard her. "What?"

"This girl, she's got a name, right? So, what is it?"

He had heard her right. He didn't want to answer, he didn't want to talk to her about this. He just wanted to tell her and find out if it was okay. This was going in a weird direction, but he answered because she was being so calm about it. "Cassie."

"Did you love her? Or do you love her?"

He couldn't figure out why it mattered, why she kept asking for more information. "I think I did. I love the idea of her."

"But not her?"

Dean sighed, running a hand through his close-cropped hair. "Well… yeah, I mean… I don't know. If I thought less about you when I was with her maybe I could be totally convinced of what that meant. Okay, here's the deal, normally I wouldn't think twice about sleeping with someone, but it bothers me now and I don't really get it."

That wasn't exactly true, he understood it, but telling Mae he loved her right now might make this more awkward. They had made it through this whole conversation without either of them getting angry. Then finally, she asked one of the questions he had anticipated.

"I uh, I don't need to know any of this, you know. So, I'm going to ask you again, do you just want to try and feel a little less guilty, like I might say something that absolves you of guilt or did you think I really wanted to know that you slept with someone you had feeling for? I mean did you tell me for my benefit or yours?"

He shrugged. "I don't know. I suppose mine more than yours but—but it's not just to make myself feel better, okay? Because I don't. I feel worse but... I think, well maybe I should feel bad because if this isn't headed where I think it's headed, then I shouldn't worry. If you and I are just two people who don't have feelings for each other anymore, then maybe I shouldn't feel bad."

Mae didn't totally understand what he was talking about. Of course, they always talked around the issues without ever addressing them. They used clever and convoluted analogies for 'relationship' or 'dating'. They never really talked about because that would mean facing up to some formidable issues for both of them. But she could play dumb for a while. "Um what the hell are you trying to say?"

"Well, I'd feel bad if this is…" He paused, he knew he had to walk a fine line with her, but it was impossible to keep up the little game, "I know we've been pretending like this isn't a romantic thing or...that hunters don't date...whatever you want to call it, I don't care. I'm under the impression that we're headed towards a relationship here. Okay? So, if I'm the only one who feels like we might one day, when you're done with your super-secret mission or whatever excuse you have that lets you pretend like we're not already in a relationship, then there's no reason for me to feel bad right now. Do you think this is a relationship or not?"

Nothing Dean could have said would have surprised her more. She thought perhaps she had been able to cover her emotions better or that he couldn't see through her in the same ways she could see through him. He'd been putting up with it just as much as she'd been deceiving herself. It wasn't as if she didn't think about a relationship with him, however that looked in their lives. A relationship never turned out well in her scenarios. She always ended up breaking his heart again or he broke hers or it got them killed. "I don't know if that's what you'd call it." She said quietly.

"What would you call it then?"

"Stupid."

Dean grinned. "Okay then. Are we going to be stupid together? Do you want to be stupid with me? Because I'd really like to be stupid with you."

There was something so genuine, so heartfelt about the question that didn't match the words. It was the intention, the meaning behind them that made her smile and laugh to herself. He played their little system perfectly and he'd asked her what both of them had been wondering on some level since he'd spotted her in that bar in Washington.

"Honestly? I kind of do, I mean in a completely illogical way."

"Seems like that's how stupid works. Logic is definitely not going to help us." He cleared his throat, "So I should feel bad then."

"No," She shook her head, despite being on the phone with him, "you shouldn't. I mean… it seems like a long time ago, but I fell in love with someone...normal. And I suppose if something happened where I had the chance to be with him again, I'd probably take it."

"Yeah?"

She meant it and that's why his emotions twisted a little more. He could deal with her sleeping with someone else but the idea that she'd given her heart to someone else hurt. Dean didn't think she was telling him to twist the knife, but it was hard to hear, nonetheless. He had to take it as a puzzle piece to her history.

This situation wasn't something Mae wanted Dean to feel bad about. Objectively, he wasn't cheating on her, he hadn't betrayed a trust or confidence. She couldn't even say he'd made a mistake. He had been honest about it, even if it was after the fact. He was telling all this because it had been a turning point for him. And she understood it. As she thought about her own response to a similar situation, she understood exactly why he did it and how he felt. "Yeah." She said thoughtfully.

"So, what happened to him?"

"Oh, didn't you see my white picket fence, 2.3 kids and minivan when you were at my house?"

The one thing that was clear about her house was that she was very much alone there, but it was too big for just her and just a hair off from her style. "I take it things ended badly."

He could hear the turn in her voice, and he could imagine the way the sadness would hang in her gray blue eyes as she spoke, remembered. "Yeah, to say the least."

"Sorry, I didn't mean to bring it up."

Her next breath was sharply audible before she pulled herself together again. He would understand, she thought. Every part of it, Dean would understand, and she had an easy in. All she had to do was open her mouth and let everything spill out.

"It's alright." Her voice was softer now, with a melancholy tone, "He was a nice guy and he was good to me, Dean… you wouldn't have liked him."

"I wouldn't have liked someone who was nice to you?"

"No, you wouldn't have liked him, and he was nice to me. Two separate statements. So, if you really had feelings for Cassie, then or now, and you had the chance, you shouldn't feel bad about it."

"Well, that's not exactly what I thought you'd say. You're being pretty cool about all this."

"I could get mad I suppose but what's the point? I'm so tired of being mad at things I can't change or do differently. It does me no good." She sighed heavily, "I just don't want to fight about this."

"But we fight so good."

"Sure, we do and give me almost anything else, we can argue until the sun comes up. But this… no."

Only then did he figured out why she asked one of the questions that had confused him most. He wanted to know what kind of guy made her heart soften and took all the fight out of her. He thought he had been the only one. Maybe that's what she thought when she asked him about Cassie. "What was his name? Or maybe I'm being presumptuous, assuming the person you loved was a dude."

It was Dean's way and she was appreciative his ability to make the situation seem less intense, less serious. Her mouth quirked up in a half smile. "Oh, you mean I could include women in the list of people I loved?"

"Start with them first, in explicit detail."

Turnabout was fair play and oddly for the first time in a long time, it didn't hurt to think about him. It didn't leave her feeling cold to say his name. "Keep your pants on, Skippy. His name was Dan."

"You still love him?"

"Sure, a part of me always will."

"So, if you ran into him again, feeling what you feel about me, you'd still sleep with him?"

"Probably not, considering that he's dead."

"Oh, shit, I didn't-I didn't know.

"How would you? But… I think our relationship was more of a moment in time and it was a perfect moment while I had it. But um," he could hear the tears on the edge of her voice, "I don't think it would have lasted, not with the way I am."

"C'mon Mae. The way you are is just fine, it's almost perfect sometimes."

"Well, you have a really selective memory. I haven't exactly been a peach to be with and I have been as kind as I could have been."

It was true but he could forgive it and moreover, he was glad she realized it. "Well I've said some things, done some things I regret too. I uh, I could have thought more about you."

"Well that's stupid. Neither of us could have dealt with everything while the wounds were fresh. I mean neither of us was ready for any of that. Werewolves, zombies and ghosts… that we can deal with without batting an eye. But us? Well, together we could be really dangerous, really frightening if we got lost in each other again."

"Lost? You think we were lost?"

"I think we'd have realized what we were giving up sooner if we hadn't been so in love with each other. And um, I know I got lost in that feeling. I mean, I always thought I'd shake that off eventually. I thought that feeling would go away. I always thought that you'd remember your first love but that you wouldn't feel it after it was long gone. But to this day…"

"You still feel it." He finished for her.

She nodded before answering a whisper of a 'yeah'. Then she shook her head and she brushed the tears that had rolled down her cheek away. She hadn't meant to admit all these things to him but talking with him had been so nice, so easy and it just came out because it felt right. She wanted to tell someone all these things, someone who cared and apparently someone who understood those things. "Did—I mean do you still—"

"Yeah I do. It's a hell of a thing Mae to have you own that piece of my heart."

She looked down at her hand, twisting that ring he gave her all those years ago, but she had started wearing again. She had always kept it close but not on her hand, not for years. It still fit and now felt natural to keep it on. Dean did the same thing with the ring that matched hers. He had never taken his off his ring finger, always wore it to keep her near him even when it seemed hopeless that they would ever feel that way again.

Those tears that she had been trying to fight so hard were rolling down her cheeks without stop now and she knew she couldn't keep them out of her voice. To her surprise though, there were so many other things she wanted to tell him, things she knew she wasn't ready to tell.

"I'm glad you picked up Dean."

"You so don't sound like it."

"I know. I just told you a whole bunch of stuff I haven't thought about in a long time, let alone told one. I'm feeling just a little… weird. But I'm still glad."

"Me too."


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter 8**

Summary: This chapter picks up after Nightmare.

* * *

The first person Dean thought to call was Mae. She was kind of all he had left. He would have called Sam, except this was about Sam. He would have called Dad, but he never answered anymore. So, then there was Mae. She'd come to his side when he was dying. Mae had been different since they had left Nebraska and the faith healer. Maybe he was different too. He was too, he supposed.

He was afraid to push her, knowing that for Mae, one too many hearts to heart conversations could leave her feeling too exposed and her defenses would kick in, shutting down any progress. But he didn't need her to have another emotional breakthrough. Dean didn't know what he needed exactly. He was worried bordering on scared about this thing with his brother.

During their prior conversations, he'd offered her help on cases. At the time, it was an excuse to talk to her more. She could put together details on a job well all on her own. Sometimes, he was useful giving a second opinion, but he didn't think she needed him for research. That had to extend both ways. She'd discuss a case with him.

But this wasn't a case, not really. It was about his brother. Now, he reasoned, Mae did care if Sam was okay and she told him, albeit in jest, that she would come if Sam were dying. If he asked her, she'd still show up. And, she had also witnessed a vision that Sam had. It wasn't exactly the same as any of his other ones. In fact, if he added that experience into account, it didn't add clarity. Mae was important to him, probably to Sam but other than that, how did she fit in?

Maybe there was a similar connection between her and Sam. That could explain his visions during their last job. The idea spurned him to call her first, neatly allowing him to pretend he wasn't shaken up.

"Hey." She said after a few rings.

"How did your mom die?"

He could almost hear her blink confusedly at the question. "I-what?"

"I mean...I can't remember how she died. Maybe you told me, but I can't remember."

Mae tried to keep fear out of her voice. "Why are you even asking this?"

"Because...just humor me, okay?"

Mae considered the request cautiously. "I... she might not have. Um, Bobby said both my parents were probably dead but I, I don't know. Now, tell me why you're asking."

"I... for a minute, I had a theory about how we were all connected."

His 'theory' did little to alleviate the feeling that crept up her spine and gripped at her throat. "That's it? A theory?"

"Yeah, why?"

She was quite for a while. They were in ripe fight territory, but she knew Dean wouldn't understand what made her defensive. Mae drew a breath. "Can I ask you something Dean?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Do you know my full name?"

"Mavis."

She smirked. "Middle name."

Dean tried to recall. He must have, at some point learned her name, right? A person couldn't know someone as long as they'd known each other and not know something as simple as a middle name. "Uh...Victoria?"

"Wow, that is not even close."

"I don't know, babe, I... I guess I should know that."

"But Victoria? I'm not a haunted doll dude."

"C'mon, I know both your first and last name and consistently remember both. Do you know how many women can actually say that?"

She laughed. "Don't worry, I'm not in the habit of telling of people since it's worse than my first name. But if you're asking these questions looking for a connection, I guess you should know the story. But you can't make fun of me for it, because I didn't name myself this. It's Lake."

He laughed. "Seriously? Lake? Your real name is Mavis Lake Singer? I can promise you, I would have remembered that if I'd known. Why is this important?"

"Yeah well...what did John or Bobby ever tell you boys about how he ended up raising me?"

Frowning, he ran an unsure hand over his head. "Now you're putting me on the spot."

"No, this isn't some sort of...quiz to see if you remember enough about me. But I need you to tell me, because when you start a call asking about my mother, it sets off all the warning signs for me."

"Why?"

"No. You can ask that later, but you need to tell me what you know or remember."

"I don't know that much. Just that something happened to your parents and Bobby had to raise you. I think honestly that's all I know. I think it was something...like a ghost?"

Mae didn't know if she was supposed to laugh or not. "Wow. You don't know anything about me."

"I'm sorry Mae...I never thought to ask and... I figured maybe you didn't want to say. I... I guess I wasn't always-"

"It's fine, you know. Besides, there wasn't much to say because neither Bobby nor I really know what happened to my parents. His brother was my father."

"So... what do you know?"

"Well, I was found when I was about three days old, at basically a fishing hole in northern Minnesota called Mavis Lake. There's nothing up there but lakes and more lakes. It's almost on the Canadian border, surrounded by other lakes. I don't know who found me, I don't know who left me out there, or why. I had a note pinned to me that had Bobby's name and number and said 'uncle'.

Again, it would have been a story he would have recalled had he heard it. "Were you in a basket?"

Now Mae did laugh. "Um...yeah, I think so. Is that important?"

"I don't know what I'm supposed to say here Mae."

"That wasn't it. That was just weird. Anyway, it's possible Bobby isn't even my uncle. We never...never looked into it or anything. I guess, we just took it on faith. But why he believed it more I guess, was because my parents were expecting around the same time I was born. And I do resemble my mother, so I'm told. Regardless, Bobby adopted me after my parents disappeared and we've never heard from either of them again."

"I really didn't know any of that."

"Bobby might know more. I mean, he can hunt down just about anything so...I don't know, I guess I still believe that maybe..." she cleared her throat, "I don't know if Bobby knows more. That's what he told me, and I've never found any other information. Once your dad said he found something."

"Did he?"

She'd hoped Dean would connect the dots on his own, without her having to expressly tell him. "I um, no. It was...that was like three years ago."

Dean pressed his lips together, not expecting the conversation to turn this way. This had certainly become an unexpected but effective distraction from his original worry for Sam. "Oh. That's the hunt you and he were on? It wasn't for a... creature, it was for your mom?"

"Yeah, except it wasn't a hunt. Whatever he found convinced him enough to call me but when he and followed the trail, things when south. I'm convinced it was a trap. To what end, I haven't figured out yet. So, it's a little weird when a Winchester calls me up to talk about my mom."

"Noted. Sorry I brought it up.""

"It's okay."

He wasn't sure where to go next with her and after he through it over, Dean came up with an easy but dumb solution. He hung up. It wasn't his best move, he knew, but it was the easiest way to break up the conversation and he hoped ultimately, she would think so too. He waited only a few more beats before he called her back.

Dean wasn't sure she'd pick up but maybe she would have assumed they were just momentarily disconnected. "Hey, Red." He said when she answered.

"Did you just hang up on me after I told you about being abandoned as an infant?"

"How's it goin'"

His voice, that simple greeting was soothing. It was soothing in a way it shouldn't have been. And it left her suspicious. "I've been getting some harassing calls lately from this dense asshole. So, you know, same ol' same ol'."

He thought maybe talking to her about anything else might help him make sense of it all or at least take his mind off it. "Well surely the bastard will stop once he knows the kinda damage you could do to him. But maybe he's just trying to start over because he didn't know how make a turn in a delicate conversation and he didn't just want to fumble through some idle chit chat, so he was hoping you'd be willing to start over. Any good cases?"

She huffed a little but smiled anyway. Normally, their previous line of discussion ended up in a fight or at the very least so uncomfortable that one or both of them had to retreat from the sensitive topic. So, she played along. "You ever fight a gulon?

"Gulon..." he mulled the name over in his mind for a few moments, "you make me feel like I'm wet behind the ears."

"What can I say, you got to go out and hunt, I got to stay home and read. Anyway, I'm pretty sure that it's nicer to not know one than to meet one."

"What is it?"

"Kinda like the world's hungriest badger. Seriously, this thing is an eating machine. Alive, dead, inanimate, anything in between… the gulon eats and eats and eats until it's ready to explode. Then it wedges itself in a tight space so it can, ahem, relieve itself before it goes on to devour everything else it can find. The only time you can kill it is when it's…"

"Taking a shit?"

"Yeah, it's a glamorous job, I know." Dean laughed a bit at her tale before she continued, "But I've got all my fingers, toes and important bits. And I'm not covered in monster shit so all in all it was a good day."

He wasn't sure what more to say. "Yeah."

Mae pressed her lips together, deciding whether or not to broach the subject that hung so heavily in the air right then. "Okay, we've had the obligatory greeting, little weird hunting story, and personal confession part of our calls. So, you wanna tell me what's wrong with you handsome?"

"How could you tell?" He said with a sigh.

"The way you said hey and then pretty much everything else. So…?"

He had called to talk to her, he wanted to talk to her, and he was just letting worry, possibly needless worry stop him. He had gone out of his way to leave the room he was sharing with his brother to call her from the car. "What would you do if you heard about a guy who had prophetic dreams and… could move stuff with his mind?"

"What would I do? I don't know, check it out, see if he was dangerous. I mean… wait, Sam?" She knew Dean well enough to know that his first instinct would have been to hunt something like that, it just would have. He didn't normally ask those questions unless it wasn't so clear cut for him, "He's getting… worse?"

"I don't know Mae. Maybe he is, maybe it's just… something else. He… he's got me worried though. His visions _are_ getting worse and now he's, I don't know, maybe he's got other abilities developing."

"Other abilities?"

"He was able to pull of some telekinetic mind-bending sort of thing when he thought some kid was gonna kill me."

"Are you sure?"

It was such a strange question he almost laughed at it. Of course, he was sure. "He's sure. I-It's a little above my head."

"Maybe you're too close. Tell me the whole story."

She was still a hunter, needing all those details but there was something comforting about the way she asked, the way she tried to figure it out or lay it out so it would make sense. He'd tried the same thing, but it couldn't hurt, he thought.

"There's not much more. He just wakes me up in the middle of the night to drive to freakin' Saginaw. Cuz he has this vision of this guy getting killed and everything about it says suicide except his damn 6th sense. And he's right, you know? It's freakin' me out."

He listened to her measured exhale and the silence that was too uncomfortable for both of them before she said anything more. "Well yeah. That is kind of thing that would freak anyone out."

He shook his head, ran a hand through his hair as he glanced back at the motel room. "Mavis, I don't know what to do here."

"Well you could stop calling me Mavis for one." She said wryly, trying to shake Dean from his current mood.

"I'm serious. I don't, I don't know what to do here."

"Maybe it's nothing. I mean, the visions aren't the worst thing to ever happen and maybe he just… imagined the whole telekinetic thing. Stress, you know?"

"When it is ever nothing? When is something not normal ever good?"

"So far haven't the visions been beneficial? I mean, he dreamed about Jessica's death and maybe he could have stopped it if he understood them/ He dreamed about your old house and you guys not only saved that woman and her kids but also found your mom's spirit again. And he dreamed about me and you and… well, if we had listened maybe—"

"I didn't tell you the end. It's this kid, he's doing it. He's controlling these things with his mind and he's killing all the people who hurt him. And get this, he's Sam's age. His mom died in a fire in the nursery—"

"Dean-"

"I'm tellin' you, this isn't normal… even for us. What if it isn't good, what if… what if he's some kind of—of what if he's something we hunt?"

She was glad for once they were on the phone. He couldn't read her expressions and there was little she could do to conceal the worry or what he would hate more, the thoughts that were going through her head. ". I wasn't there but Sam's not the sort to go off on a killing spree just because he's got psychic visions and some light telekinesis. Dean, this is Sam we're talking about here."

Her words, her voice were all reassuring and he wanted to believe all of them. He wanted her words to be true. And while they were on the phone together in that moment, it was. Sam was. Sam was probably a better person than either of them were, in terms of social norms. At least he still had qualms about the lying, stealing, breaking and entering- pretty much everything that was either outright illegal or skirted the law at best that made up the job.

"I know it is. I know but," he sighed, "I don't know. If other people find out about him-"

"Well, don't tell anyone."

Dean closed his eyes, smiled. There was something so definitive, so authoritative about the way she said it. And the 'don't be stupid' tone helped make him feel like he was being foolish. "Obviously. Besides, who the hell would I tell except for you? I'm just…" he scrubbed a hand over his mouth, "You know the worst part? I can't get a hold of dad to save my life. I can reach you but my own father? I don't get him sometimes."

It wasn't the first time he'd expressed doubt over his father, but it was the first time that that doubt was laced with disgust. Of course, this wasn't about the job, this was about family. She wanted to do something, say something that might make it better for him or bolster him in some way. "If I knew where he was, I'd tell you. But we can figure it out, okay?"

If he could have grabbed her right then, he would have held her tight. He knew there was no reason to feel this way. He knew he should have been more cautious, guarded but with her, he didn't want to be. As much as he wanted her support, companionship, and a slew of other things that came with her, he didn't want to lose the ground they had gained so far. "Mae, you don't have to…"

"I want to." She said softly before the uncertainty crept in, "I mean for whatever it's worth, whatever I can actually do, I'll help."

"Even if it means seeing me again? I wouldn't want to encroach in your space Red."

It was a bit of a low blow, he knew but it was the only way he could test the waters. Fortunately, he could see the smile in her voice, and he imagined a little blush eased over her pale checks when she spoke. "Yeah, even if it means seeing you again."

"You sure?" And, he decided to take yet another risk, "Because I wanna see you, you have no idea but—well, I don't want to screw things up anymore. I can't deal with that all over again, not right now."

"Even if I were totally and completely pissed off with you, I would help you if you needed it. We're… well, neither of has a lot of anything so… I wouldn't tell you I would help if I wasn't willing to do whatever that entailed."

Dean wasn't sure what had changed. Maybe it was the calls, maybe it really was the time and space. He didn't know what it could be, but he wasn't about to take it for granted. "Don't say it like it's a bad thing."

"I'm not." She sighed, "I'm sorry if you thought it was because of you. It's not."

"I don't know if that's what I think. I just kind of feel like there should be more." Even as he said it, he knew he was laying his own minefield.

"More? I don't know that I can give you more right now. I know this isn't going as you planned or want but...sometimes, I'm confused by the way I feel about you. I want to be with, sometimes so much that I lose track of myself. I don't want to hurt you. Again. I still...there's still a lot I haven't finished, that I need to finish. But maybe this...well, I think there is a connection. I don't know why entirely but maybe I need to help you too."

"Maybe we end up with better luck together."

"Maybe. I do miss you. It's been a long, long time since I've let myself feel enough to miss someone let alone care about you the way I do. I know I don't make it easy for you."

"Well I guess I never asked for easy."

Mae let her lips curve up a little. "Hey, look at that, we didn't turn that into some over blown fight."

"We sure didn't. You know that might have been what I was looking for."

"What that I admit I'm a pain in the ass?"

"No, I'm pretty sure you've always known that. But just... You know this doesn't exactly come natural for me either."

"You wouldn't know it if you… if you were me. You seem to know exactly what you want, and it doesn't scare you. But most of the time, you don't say it out loud because you have this… faith that we'll end up together. And that will make everything okay."

Well, he thought, she wasn't entirely wrong. He knew what he wanted, he did believe that they should be together, and that didn't scare him. He wasn't sure if it was faith that led him there, but he knew he didn't have the energy to fight the way he felt. "I don't know what to say to that Red. What do you want me to say?"

"Nothin'. There's nothing you could say. I'm only trying to make sense of things. But you know, that's not why you called so maybe there's something I can do."

Dean thought about it a moment, the last part of her statement anyway. "You could look into mom's death."

"Didn't you already do that when you were in Lawrence?"

"It's… it's too close to me and Sam and dad. Maybe you might find a clue about that or what's happening to Sam? Something."

"Okay. I'll see what I can find. And Dean?"

"Yeah?"

"I—Be safe."

"You too."


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

Summary: Takes place during Shadow.

* * *

"Hey Red, you got a minute?"

"For you? I'll give you two."

That had him grinning. Then it brought him a sharp pang of realization that he wanted to be with her. Things between them were better, almost what he wanted but the phone calls were a pale substitute to spending actual time with her. He never should have let her leave after they saw that faith healer. Staying together might have resulted in extra fighting, more uncomfortable moments but they would have come through it in the end, he thought. Sure, she said she needed space and maybe that was the turning point for her. He didn't know, he just wanted her by this side again.

"Yeah well, we're in Chicago and I need a little help with something."

"You should probably finish that request before I agree to anything. Because I'm pretty sure you can't afford my per minute rate."

When Mae started things like this, he had a difficult time believing that that she didn't feel the same way he did. Although, she assumed he was making a double entendre. He wasn't, not this time. "I'm pretty sure the first two minutes are free. What would you say no to? More importantly what would you say yes to?"

Dean was a tease sometimes. She admitted, she found it kind of flattering. Her only regret was that she was flattered by it and that it also flustered her, more than a little. Dean flirted like his life depended on it. She knew he didn't reserve it just for her and she knew she was hardly the first woman to feel that thrill tug at her.

His flirting wasn't an issue, not really. Again, she found herself in a situation where she had no claim to him. She didn't mind him hitting on anyone but a small part of her wished he only flirted with her. Not that she could or would say anything. To be so territorial would mean this was more serious than their back and forth calls let her believe.

And yet, she didn't want Dean thinking she was disinterested. Admitting it however, worried her. She couldn't tell him that either. Staying on topic when he called was more and more difficult. Her thoughts rambled, analyzed, and worried around too much. Would any of this be better face to face? She sighed and tried to steer the conversation back to something productive. "What do you want Dean?"

Her voice was soft, a little quirky. There was no sharpness to the question. He thought she might have been a little embarrassed, in fact. But he couldn't tell. He let the playful banter go for the moment. "Yeah, we found this weird… well actually a weird case."

"A weird case?" she said with a laugh, "I can't imagine what that means."

"To tell you the truth, at first, I thought it was a werewolf but uh, we found this—this symbol, I don't know what it is. I was thinking, maybe you could look at it for me."

"If you have a picture, sure. Send it to me."

Dean emailed the picture to her. "Thanks." He smirked to himself a little, he liked working together with her like this, "I appreciate it."

"You want to tell me about the case?" She asked before he had a chance to say anything more.

"Yeah, about a week ago, this girl, Meredith got killed in her apartment—no prints, no signs of a break in, nothing that gave any clues as to how she got offed aside from the fact that she got ripped apart and, get this, her heart was missing. Before her, there was another guy who got killed the same way, but nothing ties him to Meredith."

"Ouch, that's rough. But that's not a lot to go on. I mean a lot of things could kill you like that, fewer that would take a human heart but… ah here we go."

When she opened her email and looked over the picture, she took a sharp breath. "Jesus, this must have been a hell of a mess."

"That's how it goes. You ever see that symbol before?"

"It's a sigil." She bit her lip, thinking over the implications of this. It was symbol she'd only seen in books, ancient book with ancient spells. It wasn't something someone would likely stumble upon or cast by accident. She felt that bubble of worry for Dean and Sam again. "Where did you find this?"

"At the girl's apartment, dripped into the carpet in her own blood."

"You saw that in the blood splatter? Hmmm," she gave him an impressed little hum, "that takes a sharp eye.

"I do have at least a small handful of skills here." It was teasing but he took the compliment because it was from her and he thought perhaps the part she didn't way was that she didn't know if she would have seen it.

"Yeah well… you are dealing with some serious shit here Dean."

"Serious like how?"

"You ever heard of a daeva?"

"Sure." He paused, clearing his throat at the blatant lie, "But Sam might not know. So… why not give me your take on it so I can… tell him."

"Right," she said with a laugh, "well depending on the texts you read they run the gamut from false gods to chaos demons to the personification of every imaginable evil."

"So… great."

"Exactly. But they're old, like really old. If that's what you're up against," she sighed, "well…I don't know why anyone would want to summon something like that. Of course, I guess we've seen dumber things."

"I think we both know the answer to that Mae." He sighed, scrubbing his face for a moment, "So how do you kill one?"

She shook her head and took a long sigh. "Like I said, these things are… ancient, Zoroastrian to be exact. It's old and I don't know _if_ these things can be killed… I can look but I can't promise you anything."

Dean nodded, closed his eyes for another moment. "Yeah, I know you can't but… well I guess you looking is more than enough. But there has to be a way to kill these things."

"Maybe but… you still have to deal with the fact that they're probably not acting of their own volition here."

"How do you know?"

"If you have a sigil in blood..."

"They go for human sacrifice."

"So, you've got one summoned, you've got one being controlled. You tell me how you control chaos. Frankly, I think the daeva is the least of your problems. I mean, no matter how you cut it, these things are tough, and you've got someone who thinks they're tougher. I think they'd tear through you before you could even get close enough to kill one."

"This has been a fun chat Mae. Very reassuring."

"You couldn't just tell me you'll walk away from this, could you?"

"I could, it'd be a lie, but I could tell you that if that helps you. Besides, you wouldn't walk away if you were here and we can't. We walk away, more people die-"

"I know, Dean, I know. I'm sure have a better chance than anyone else. That doesn't mean I have to like it."

"Yeah well, I'm not exactly a fan. At the risk of being yelled at for saying this, I wish you were here. Not so you'd be thrown into the middle of this thing, although, the extra help wouldn't suck but… I just miss you, Mae."

He heard her little sigh, finding it somehow reassuring. "I miss you too."

The line went silent for a while and they listened to the quiet breathing of the other. It wasn't an awkward silence, but it was a heavily weighted one. There were promises, offers and requests that hung in that quiet. Neither Mae nor Dean could quite convince themselves to speak any of them. "How the hell do you know all this anyway?" he said instead.

"I'm just that good, handsome."

He chuckled before he sighed. "So, a daeva, that's what you think this is?"

"Looking at that symbol, it's my best guess. I can look into it from here, let you know anything I find."

There was work to be done, he reminded himself. He still had to check in with Sam, so it was best to tie this conversation with Mae up for the time being. "So, where is here?"

Mae pressed her lips together. "Um...Dowagiac, Michigan."

Dean scoffed. "Michigan. You're, like, a lake away, huh?"

"More or less."

His frown was audible across the line. "I guess I pictured you...across the country, miles and miles away."

"It's not like I knew where you were either."

"How come this case didn't show up on your radar?"

"It's...not what I was looking for."

"What you're looking for is in... Dowagiac, Michigan?"

"No."

He hated when she moved into one word answers, terse and full of information she refused to give. All he wanted was her to tell him whatever her big secret was and for all their progress, she just wouldn't. "What were you hunting?"

"Demon." She said after a long pause.

"By yourself?"

"I'm a big girl, Dean."

"You know, I was there last time you tangled with a demon or two."

"That wasn't the last time."

Dean wanted to yell at her, it seemed ludicrous that she'd take that kind of risk on her own. "So, you're just...runnin' around the country, gankin' demons by yourself? Is that the important work you had to do?"

"Part of it. I don't really wanna talk about it right now. We can either fight or move on. Okay?"

He could have pushed it, he though, but she was right, they would only end up fighting about it. He was fine with a fight, just not in the mood for this particular one. He could admit to himself, he was rather lonely right then. "I guess it looks like I've got a thrilling night of research ahead of me."

Her laughter was light and friendly, even if it was hesitant at first. "Where's Sam? Isn't he you're Encyclopedia Brown? I thought you were the face and he was the brain."

"I thought it was pretty obvious that I can put something like this together. I'm not completely inept here Maes."

"Still," She smiled a little to herself, "I just… figured he was the research guy."

If their positions were reversed, Sam would have been doing the research. Dean thought, even if Sam thought there was something fishy about Meg, that it was good for him to get out. The run down he'd done on her proved that she was a real girl. "Yeah well… Sammy is actually out with a girl."

"He's out with a girl? Well that sounds… off."

"Okay he's staking out her apartment but still."

Mae laughed. "Your brother is stalking some girl and who's idea was this? Did guys Freaky Friday each other? Is he trying to… what's he trying to do?"

"He met this girl, Meg, a while back and ran into her here at a bar. Which is weird."

"You and me ran into each other again at a bar."

"You were stalking me."

"Fair enough."

"Yeah and running into this Meg chick here is just too weird. It's… there's something up with it. But she's still hot so it wouldn't be the worst if he—if he got a little more comfortable."

He could almost hear her head shake. Only she didn't say what he was expecting her to say. "With a girl you don't trust? Why would you do that?"

"Well… I mean…we checked her out, she seems to be a normal girl. It's fine, she's hot and it's Sam." He wasn't expecting her to question his intentions. "Besides, it was Sam's idea. Sam wanted to track her down, Sam wanted to find out the truth about her."

"You are so weird."

"Why is that weird?"

She huffed, feeling a hodgepodge of emotions she couldn't even name. "It sounds like you're more worried about getting your brother laid than you are about this case. Are you your brother's pimp or something?"

"Okay, that's not true. I am worried about the case. This is just... He's the one who thinks there's a problem with her. I'm not making him do anything. But c'mon, you know he should try and get out more."

"Try and get out more? I... you know it's not that simple in this line of work. Besides, I just… shouldn't he decide."

He wasn't sure if she was trying to pick a fight or if this was some sort of sisterly affection she had for his brother and she was worried about Sam. But he most certainly didn't want to fight with her over this. "Hey, I did not pick her out. He met her, months ago I should add, and she likes him. I don't see the problem."

"Maybe nothing but I am guessing he's uncomfortable with the whole thing."

Dean scratched his chin. "Sure but… he's not going to get over Jessica if he doesn't try. It's hard enough that we're hunting down the demon that killed her. I think it's good for him to get out there."

"To stalk a girl?"

"Okay, maybe he could do better, but we still have to figure out if she's just a normal girl or if it really is weird that we're running into her now. I will tell you what's weird, she was not into me at all."

Mae laughed. "Well that is definitely something paranormal. A woman who can resist your charms, she must be evil."

"So, you can see why we need to investigate."

"I suppose. I guess I'm not really one to talk about weird relationships in this line of work."

"I have never stalked you." He joked.

"You did used to peep on me."

"Oh, I'd still do that if we were in the same place again." She laughed, this time she didn't blush with embarrassment but flushed ever so slightly with the thought of him watching her, wanting to watch her. "So… what are you wearing now Mae? I'm picturing something… lacy. And pink."

"Lacy and pink? I'm guessing that picture you have in your deviant little mind is way, way more attractive than reality."

"Oh, c'mon just play with me."

"Dean… don't. I don't...I'm not ready for that. Uh, if you want my help, you should let me get down to it so… I'll give you a call later."

He had been turned on by the prospect of a little dirty talk with her and was disappointed that she wasn't interested but he heard something in her voice. Something that sounded a lot like nervousness laced with desire.

"Yeah, sure. I'll talk to you soon then."


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter 10**

* * *

Mae did not do the research she promised Dean she would do. Between wrapping up her job and the next call, she didn't have the time. She had already decided to meet up with the boys. Maybe the time could have helped the boys devise a strategy for taking out a daeva However, getting a call from Dean so soon after the last one left her unsettled.

Dean was all business this time. "Are you still in Michigan."

"Yeah, for now."

"Can you get to Chicago? I know, before you say anything, I know you-"

"Slow down, I'm not-just give me the address, okay? It'll take me a couple hours, but I'll be there."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"You asked me. And... that's about it."

"You don't even need to know why?"

"I mean, it'd be nice to know what changed and I like knowing what I'm walking into but...you asked me for help so, I'm there."

Now, if he had more time, he would have probed at what changed for her, what shifted her, but he still had another call to make, one he wasn't sure would go as well as this one. Dean laid out the situation with Meg, the altar, the connection to Lawrence, and gave her the address of the motel and the warehouse.

"Okay. I'm still an hour and a half, maybe two out. I'll take off as soon as I can but...you know."

"I know. As long as you get here."

"Be careful, okay? Don't do something stupid."

"Yeah, you either. Love you."

He hung up before she had the chance to respond so she stared at her phone trying to figure out why he would say that. She knew how he felt. This was hardly the first time he'd said it to her. Maybe they had just fallen into an old familiarity and it slipped out because of that. Maybe he was worried about this more than he originally expressed. She didn't know. Had he not hung up, would she have responded in kind? A part of her wanted to believe she would have but she knew those words didn't come as easily to her as they seemed to come to him.

Perhaps he knew that she wouldn't say it, not now anyway, and that's why he had to hang up right after he said it. He loved her, she loved him. And she didn't know why it was so impossible to say it. She could have spared his feelings and she wouldn't have been lying either. So why not, she asked herself, just tell him?

Even as she asked herself that, she knew why. She also knew she couldn't tell him, not yet. She needed more time to explain the things she hadn't explained yet. For the first time since they'd met back up, it seemed like it wouldn't be so impossibly hard. Hard, yes but no longer impossible.

It wasn't a discussion to be had over the phone, although not having to look at him, not having him see her cry, that would have been easier. Frankly, it would have been easier to fight about it than to tell him what he needed to know or wanted to hear.

She wanted to see him again. She wanted whatever she was going to have with Dean to be more than more than just phone calls and toying. She wanted that flirting to be more than just words and empty promises. Mae knew she also needed to come to terms with her feelings and with her past before it tried Dean's patience too much. He could easily decide that this was just too much trouble for the reward. She wouldn't blame him either.

Mae raked her hands through her hair and finished hastily packing her things. Now wasn't the time to dwell on their interpersonal strife. There was a real reason to see him now, to help with a hunt or possibly save the boys. From what she could tell, they were going up against something major. Something dangerous. Something more complex than any of them were ready for alone.

She drove as fast as she could from Dowagiac to Chicago. While she loved big cities when she had the chance to explore and enjoy, navigating one with a specific destination and the urgency to get there made it seem like an eternity before she arrived at the motel. She hoped that they hadn't done anything yet, so she knocked on the door, even though neither Dean or Sam answered their phones.

They also didn't come to the door. She made quick work of the lock when she picked it. Fortunately for her, they didn't tend to stay in the sort of places that had updated their technology much past physical keys.

As it turned out, she wasn't the only one who had that idea.

The man in the room only caught a brief glimpse of the figure before he moved to the side of the doorway after hearing the sound of the tumblers as the lock was picked. Slim, tall, and a tumble of red hair was all he saw. He assumed he knew who would be calling on the Winchester boys in this manner. Still, it wasn't a time to take chances or assume anything. For all he knew, the demon he was looking for was inside poor Mae. If things had gone as he's hoped between the girl and Dean, his boys would likely have trusted her.

"Hold it right there sweetheart." She hadn't been as quiet or as subtle she realized when she broke into room.

Only it wasn't Dean or even Sam holding the gun to her temple. He stood just out of her line of sight. The voice was gruff, gravely, and familiar but the room was still dark and far too quiet. "Hey John." She said, closing the door.

She felt the barrel of the gun drop away from her temple. "Mavis? What are you doing here?"

"The daevas. I thought I could- I should help. What about you?"

The acid in her tone was more than evident than she had perhaps intended, and he could picture the chill in her eyes. It was a look she'd been able to pull off even as a child.

"They're my boys. I thought I told you to keep an eye on them."

"I have been. It's been...complicated. But I think I've been holding up my end of the deal. What about you?" She asked again.

Before he could respond, they heard voices in the hall. It was unmistakably Sam and Dean. Of all the times for them to show up, she thought, as a swell of disappointment and anxiety clutched at her. She wanted so badly to know what John had found. She wouldn't have reconnected with Dean in the first place if not for the promise John had made to her. Still, she froze, not sure what to make of this situation.

She knew she was too sensitive to what Dean might think of it. There was nothing to mistake for anything else. Even though it was 100% innocent and had lasted only a handful of minutes, she had no desire to replay more painful incidences. She stepped to the side, trying to put as much distance between her and John Winchester.

The key turned in the lock and the door opened. She felt like she was hiding, like she had been caught doing something she shouldn't have. Sure, she did break in, but she wasn't the first one to do it and barging into each other's rooms was hardly an issue between them at this point. She opened her mouth to say something since, after all, they weren't the sort of people who liked surprises and she had already had one gun pointed at her head that night.

But Dean noticed either her or John first and called out. "Hey!"

It wasn't her he had noticed as Sam hit the lights and John turned. In the light, she took a backseat to the reunion and didn't want to intercede. The boys hadn't seen their bather in quite some time. She knew Sam missed his father, no matter how terse their relationship was. At the very least he was glad to see his father after all the searching and everything that had gone on.

But Dean was a different story. Dean made no druthers about his feelings for his dad, about his feelings on family and it was his face she watched.

"Dad."

"Hey boys."

She smiled to herself mostly, still lingering in the background as Dean crossed the room without hesitation to greet his father. Her eyes flicked over to Sam who remained by the door. She didn't think anyone could have felt more uncomfortable than she did, but the youngest Winchester might have still been in the running. It was Sam who took note of her first but rather than saying anything, he offered her a small smile and raised hand. She returned it.

Sam couldn't stop looking at her, maybe because that was easier than looking at his dad or his brother right then. She'd made good time, he thought. Because Dean had asked her. She'd come every damn time they'd asked for her help. That meant something, to him anyway. Sam knew this wasn't the time to be pointing out that the same couldn't be said for the father or the mixed torrent of emotions he was feelings. Still, it was nice to know they could count on her.

She and Sam both moved closer as John and Dean embrace. Eventually, they all shifted so she and Dean were on one side of the room, Sam and his dad were on the other for a moment. Dean looked at Mae, with so many questions in his eyes. She knew some of them were legit but some of them had to be skirting that area of their past that she didn't want to get back into. It was awkward all around. The thing that confused her was his greeting.

After the questions left his eyes he said, 'hey'. Then looked away. A thousand things could have been layered in that response but all she felt was a coldness and distance between them. That was not what she had expected as a greeting. The way it played out in her head were always at a minimum friendly, often they veered into something more passionate. She knew it wouldn't be X-rated, but she didn't think it would be so… nothing.

She kept her eyes focused on the side of his face trying to figure out what exactly she had done to make him mad. It seemed like she was the only one doing that.

"Hi Sam." John said.

"Hey dad.

Sam set the bag of supplies on the floor and despite the high emotions, everything transitioned from reunion to debriefing in a heartbeat.

"Dad, it was a trap. I didn't know. I'm sorry."

"It's alright. I thought it mighta been." His tight-lipped smile was somewhat forgiving, accepting.

Mae let her gaze go back to John. He looked tired, sounded tired. She hadn't seen him in years though. So, it might not have been a recent change. She had to look away again, focusing this time on an indistinct section of the floor. God, there were a million other places she wanted to be right then.

"Were you there?" Dean asked.

It was a good question. She'd gotten to Chicago and to the motel with no time to find out where the boys were. From the looks of them, they'd been in the thick of it too. Yet, if John had been there, he'd managed to beat her to the motel, if only by a few minutes.

"I got there just in time to see the girl take the swan dive. She was the bad guy, right?"

They answered with trained precision. "Yes sir."

"Good. Well, doesn't surprise me. It's tried to stop me before."

It made her itch, just a little. It all made her uncomfortable and suspicious, not of John but of the entire situation. She didn't know exactly what he'd been doing the past few months but as many problems has, he might have run up against, he hadn't made waves. She hadn't heard anything from him, from his search, nothing.

"The demon has?" Sam asked.

"It knows I'm close. It knows I'm gonna kill it. Not just exorcise it or send it back to hell—actually kill it."

"How?" Dean and Mae asked it at the same time, her tone more accusatory than his son's.

John gave them both a kind smile, one that held more than a few secrets. "I'm workin' on that."

"You can't kill a demon. You can trap them, send them back to hell but they can get back out if they want to."

He wasn't used to her being quite so confrontational, but things changed and for the time being, he would let her insubordination pass.

"There's a solution to every problem."

Her eyes sparked with interest, challenge and annoyance. She didn't push any further. She wanted to. She needed to know what he was coming up with, what he found that made him think it was even possible. If they weren't there with Sam and Dean, she would have demanded the answers. Instead, she kept a tight hold on her emotions since she wasn't sure if she wanted to scream or cry.

This was not the right time to fight with John and she told herself, if he had real answers, he would tell her. Eventually. If he could figure out a way to kill a demon, she would be insanely grateful.

"Let us come with you. We'll help." Sam said, eager and needing to go along with whatever John had devised because it met his goal too.

Dean's warning look passed from burning a hole in the side of her face to being focused on his brother.

"No, Sam. Not yet. Just try to understand. This demon is a scary son of a bitch. I don't want you caught in a crossfire. I don't want you hurt."

It was impossible to anticipate what John was going to say. She was expecting him to order them somewhere, hunt down something else. She didn't know if it was going to be the demon or something else. And when she said 'them', she meant the boys. She didn't know what her role in this would be.

"Dad, you don't have to worry about us."

"Of course, I do. I'm your father. Listen, Sammy, last time we were together, we had one hell of a fight."

"Yes, sir."

"It's good to see you again. It's been a long time."

"Too long." Sam and John finally embraced, a far more emotional gesture than the hug between Dean and John, if only because it had been so long in the making.

Out of nowhere, John went flying back and into the cabinets. She looked over at Dean, then to Sam who also was moved by the invisible force.

"What the hell is going on?" Mae asked anyone who would listen.

Sam and John were in no position to answer and Dean didn't have time to answer. He just yelled. "No!" Then when flying.

It was only a moment more before the invisible force flung her against the wall too. She'd been possessed and tossed around by demons before, but this was far worse. This wasn't just an invisible force that tossed her across the room. It dug into her flesh with nails and teeth, ripping at her. And there was no way to fight it. She couldn't get a grasp on it or see it, only feet the frantic mauling and pressure against her body. Like she assumed, getting close enough to one to do anything meant being torn into.

Neither Sam nor Dean nor John could get control of anything and they were all tossed around, back and forth through the room. The scratches on their faces seemed to appear out of nowhere but they felt very physical. Sam managed to get free and get enough of his bearings together to make his way to the bag of weapons he'd dropped on the floor. He removed a flare from the bag.

"Shut your eyes!" He called out, "these things are shadow demons, so let's light 'em up!"

He lit the flare, sending the room into blinding white light and smoke. He must have been able to see her before or perhaps his hand came upon hers by accident, but he took her hand his as they coughed and sputtered to find the door. She let him lead the way because on the staggering pain in her side. One of the invisible gouges must have been deeper than she thought.

Dean called out for John. He'd taken several hits by then, some of them looked pretty bad and he might not have come out on top of that skirmish.

"Over here!" John replied. The two of them were closer to the door than she and Sam had been so when Dean helped their dad to his feet, Mae and Sam followed, Sam remembering to take the bag full of arms with them.

Sam kept tugging her behind him. She wasn't sure it was more for his own sake or for hers. Her breathing was a little labored but that could have been the adrenaline, the smoke or the pain. Either way, she was grateful that he led the way out of the motel and down the alley where they had most conveniently parked.

He threw his bag in the backseat of the Impala before he finally let go of her wrist. "All right, come on. We don't have much time. As soon as the flare's out, they'll be back."

* * *

He was right. They hadn't defeated the daevas, just delayed them, and gave them enough time to make their escape. With a sigh, Mae leaned up again the car for a second. She would gather herself back together and then be ready to roll again.

"Wait, wait. Sam, wait. Dad, you can't come with us."

It surprised her and Sam. Dean was the last person either of them thought would say those words. "What? What are you talkin' about?" Sam asked.

"You boys—you're beat to hell." John spoke the truth but then they all were. Those daevas took a pretty good chunk out of all of them.

"We'll be all right." Dean said

"Dean, we should stick together. We'll go after those demons—"

"Sam! Listen to me! We almost got Dad killed in there. Don't you understand? They're not gonna stop, they're gonna try again. They're gonna use us to get to him. I mean, Meg was right. Dad's vulnerable when he's with us. He's—he's stronger without us around."

Mae wasn't sure when he'd come to that conclusion, but it stirred an odd hope that he might come closer to understanding her. As it related to his father however, it was a recent development, after all Dean had been in the process of drawing his family closer, not breaking them apart. She agreed. Hell, she'd lived by the doctrine that it was easier to hunt solo. Only recently had she begun to rethink the position. But then, in the few minutes they'd all been together, things had been pretty bad.

Sam wasn't on the same track that she and Dean were on right then. "Dad, no." He put a hand on his father's shoulder. "After everything, after all the time we spent lookin' for you—please. I gotta be a part of this fight."

"Sammy, this fight is just starting. And we are all gonna have a part to play. For now, you've got to trust me, son. Okay, you've gotta let me go."

It wasn't particularly easy, for any of them even though it was right. Sam finally moved his hand to pat his father's shoulder, walking away from the fight that could have started.

Mae looked down at her feel, not wanting to be in the middle of the Winchesters. John however tried to catch her eye, if only to apologize to her but she refused to look up. There wasn't time to deal with that issue right then but God, he wanted to. Instead, he and Dean exchanged a meaningful look before John turned back to his truck.

Once there, he looked back at them one more time. "You three be careful."

The three of them looked back with a nearly synchronous nod. They lingered a moment before his truck started. Dean finally turned and looked at Mae. He spoke to her for the first time since he'd seen her. "Are you alright babe?"

She nodded, unconvincingly and Dean wasn't sure if it was because she was hurt physically or emotionally.

"Come with us?" He asked.

She wanted to argue, she did but she wasn't feeling up to it yet. He reached out, not sure this was the best time for this or that there was even anything really going on, but he needed her to snap out of it. He touched her arm, squeezing her bicep slightly. Her eyes focused back on his finally. "Yeah, okay. I'll follow you."

Dean frowned. He'd meant with them not in her car but then again there wasn't much point in leaving anything here. And she had driven all the way out here to help them. Again, she nodded, squaring her shoulders and pulling all her emotions and physical pain in closer.

"Okay. Come on." He said to Sam as she crossed the alley to her car.

He and Sam got into the Impala and watched as their father drove off. Dean looked over at Mae's mustang. With a deep breath, he looked over at his brother, who was looking over at him. He couldn't tell exactly what he was thinking but he wasn't sure he wanted to know. He started the car and headed down the street, followed by Mae.


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter 11**

Summary/Spoilers: Takes place right after Shadow and the last chapter.

* * *

As she drummed her fingers on the steering wheel, she tried not to be mad. She really did. Mae wanted to shrug off the feeling that Dean was having doubts. The notion was utterly stupid. The man was allowed to have doubts, she reminded herself. At any point, he could decide he no longer wanted anything with her. Even if less than a few hours ago he'd told her he loved her. Well, she corrected, he said, 'love you' and it might have been completely unintentional. Still, he could call the whole thing off if that's what he wanted.

Whatever they were to each other had no labels and maybe it had run its course. The only certain thing was some kind of undeniable chemistry and connection existed between them. He had put up with all her doubts, all her hesitations and her outright fears. And he kept coming back for more. She owed it to Dean to find out if he was ending a signal or if she was reading into something that wasn't there.

Mae didn't want to let that one instance where she and Dean and John were in the same place at the same time to bother her. A lot had just happened, and they didn't have any chance to dig in to it. The situation called up all the previous doubt and discomfort she had. She thought it might have done the same for Dean. Or he was reacting to something else, dealing with other emotions that didn't have anything to do with her.

If, however, that was how things were going to be anytime Dean was with his father and she was around, she couldn't deal with that. She wasn't going to stand between Dean and his father. She didn't want to. If there was no middle ground, no getting back to their version of normal, then this really was a distraction from her work.

Her work. For the purposes of her work, she'd picked the wrong Winchester to follow. John had the answers she needed. Or rather, he was workin' on it. Mae wasn't sure what he had found or learned that made him think killing a demon was possible. If it was possible, what made him think he could lure this particular demon out with the express purpose of killing it.

But he seemed convinced. And, she reasoned, he must have thought this Meg girl had something to do with it if he came to Chicago. Dean hadn't mentioned anything about his father being there already, so Dean or Sam had to have called him at some point. Or John had already pulled together the details of this case and tied it back to demonic activity.

If Dean's call brought John there, that meant he had only been a few hours away too, if he got to the motel just before she did. So, who's trail was he following that brought him there. What were the chances that all four hunters had narrowed in to such a small radius of activity? Once again, Mae's thoughts swirled with the notion that this was bigger than any of them had dealt with before. But what? Who or what could be pulling the strings that seemed to make them dance? And why?

Pure paranoia, she decided. Vast demon conspiracy was hardly the simple answer. They were just missing pieces and once they had them, this would all make sense. She could rationalize her way back to sane or at least less conspiratorial. That just left her following taillights down back roads, avoiding the interstate, occasionally using a state highway until Dean signaled and they took an off ramp.

They drove, for about three hours, south east to Crawfordsville, Indiana. Dean pulled into a parking space in the nearest, cheap and possibly sleazy motel. Dean got out of the car and Mae did likewise. The weird part, she thought was that he signaled her to stay back before he made his way to the clerk's office.

She looked over at Sam as he exited the Impala too and they exchanged a questioning look. "Crawfordsville?" She asked.

Sam only shrugged. "You've got me. But we've probably put enough distance between us and Meg and the daevas."

Mae nodded, idly running the chain of her necklace of charms between her index and middle finger on one hand. "Yeah… you know, for a second, I thought maybe he was trying to track down the Crawfordsville monster...or something." It was a ridiculous conclusion considering what had happened and an absurd hope.

Smirking a bit, he brushed the hair out of his face. "You might think. You okay?"

The frown on her face said she had more than enough on her mind to find more than cursory humor in any of it. She didn't want to be 'that girl' focusing on quaint relationship issues but she couldn't stop herself. "He say anything to you on the way over? Or anything else… lately?"

He felt a little pang of sympathy for her, that expression on her face told him far too much about her feelings. She wasn't even trying to hide it. Sam supposed there could have been any number of things she meant, unfortunately for him he only had one answer and he shook his head. "No, we mostly just argued about leaving Dad, you know?"

Sam wasn't sure if she was expecting something else as he tried to asses her unreadable expression. "He's not wrong, Sam."

"Do you believe that? Because this whole life isn't safe and if he knows where to find this demon-"

"I get your side, I do. But," she sighed, "You don't know what you're going up against so diving into it without-"

"Of course, you'd side with Dean. You couldn't possibly understand." His temper flared. "I think we're closer to catching that son of a bitch that killed our mom, my girlfriend, than ever before. Don't you see that? We should be out there, looking for that demon, not here dicking around! Besides, if you don't like it, you can leave. This isn't your fight."

There wasn't much she could deny in his statement. The demon didn't kill her mother or her father. It didn't take anyone from her the way it did the boys. But there was something, she knew there was something, that tied her to this fight. If not this demon, then whatever their father knew. Sam and Dean were her friends too, family really. They needed each other still. "You aren't the only one who's lost-"

Dean walked up then, cutting whatever Mae was going to say short. Sam wanted to know whatever else she might say. He was geared up for a fight and she was a well-positioned target. But like always his brother drew her attention. She turned to Dean, taking note of the fact that he looked like hell. The three of them had to look damn near insane together. They were all bloodied and bruised, scraped and cut up. The boys had scratches and cuts all over their faces and while she hadn't looked at herself in the mirror, she knew she had a fair share of cuts over her cheeks and throat.

Wordlessly, Sam stormed towards Dean and snatched one of the keys out of his hands. He grabbed the bare minimum of his things and made his way to the room number indicated on the key ring.

"He's in a mood," Mae said offhandedly.

"Yeah well...he's been like this for hours now."

"It's kinda understandable."

"So, you think we should have gone with Dad then?"

"I'm not-"

"Because Meg was just using us to draw him out. I don't know what he's dealing with, but he's obviously pissed off the right people. But he's not going to win, and neither are we if we let ourselves get used."

Mae pressed a hand against his chest. "Okay, I was going to say that I wasn't saying that, just that...when you're singularly focused on one thing like getting this demon... you lose sight of everything else around and being brought back to anything else..." she sighed, then winced as she turned to look at the room Sam had disappeared into, "it can be frustrating. I'm surprised he's put up with all these other gigs along the way."

His eye line trailed hers for a moment. "No, he's been a bitch about those too. But he's willing to admit we can save people along the way and we should. So," Dean began looking back down at her, "do you mind if I bunk with you. Otherwise I gotta listen to him huff and yell."

"He's your big, bad wolf now?"

"You wanna be my little red riding hood?" He tried to pull off a rakish look as he waggled his brows at her but knew he couldn't pull it off as well as usual.

"Wait, does that make you grandma?"

"I'm pretty sure the wolf that huffed and puffed was from the three little pigs."

"Eh, whatever grandma."

"So, can I bunk with you?"

"Yeah, sure. Why not? Thanks. You know, I could have paid for my own." She said as she took the room key from him.

"I'm not really paying either so...you still could get your own room."

"I'm...I get the feeling that even if I do, you'll find some way to mine, right?"

"You're probably not wrong."

The question of what would or could happen between them still hung in the air. So far, when they were together, they spent more nights sharing a bed than not. They were getting along better and while Dean knew she was a bit skittish about sex for some reason, she wasn't totally disinterested. Dean just had to figure out what would make her comfortable. Of course, the chances were slim that anything would happen between them right now given their current state.

Cleaning up and sleep might change things. Besides, they should probably lay low for a day or two, Dean thought. It might drive Sam nuts, but they needed to make sure they weren't being followed and regroup. They needed a strategy. Healing up would be good too since they looked as if they'd seen better days.

They both gathered their bags and anything else they thought they might need before they headed to their room. Inside however, Mae paused, causing Dean to bump into her. "Okay so...did Sam get the room with two beds?"

"Would it make you feel better if I said yes?"

"So, you got two single rooms for the three of us?"

"I mean, not if you're willing to believe that Sam has the double."

"And if I had said you couldn't stay with me, you and Sam would have been happy to share a bed?"

"It was a calculated risk."

"Is Sam the big spoon or the little spoon?"

He rolled his eyes but still grinned. Gently, he bumped his hips against hers. "Just get in." But once they were inside, he added, dropping his bags near the door after he let it close behind him. "Besides, everyone likes being the little spoon."

She tried to stifle the pained grunt as she dropped her bags on the low dresser. Her side was bothering her more than she would have liked, especially since she no longer had the option to be in pain on her own. Dean watched her a while longer to see if she was more injured than he assumed. As she started to go through her bags, she didn't give him any sign that she was.

"So... today's been weird, right? I mean, between us, you know?"

Dean was right. Their rhythm faltered now that they were face to face again. The ease of their phone calls hadn't translated to their in-person conversations yet. Of course, they hadn't spent more than 15 minutes together. Maybe, Mae thought, things would normalize if they had more time. "For us, not really."

Tucking his hands in his pockets, he rocked on his heels. "C'mon, you were there."

"Yeah. It's late. Or early, I guess."

He wasn't sure why she had shifted back. Or maybe she never had. They'd chatted but not touched on anything serious yet. It might be better, he thought, to just drop it and go to sleep. But he couldn't. "Mae, I-I didn't expect you'd get hurt but you can't possibly be mad at me about this."

"Dude, I'm not mad. I'm not even that hurt. Just a little. But I'm not mad."

"You're not...you."

She looked back at him now. "I assure you I am me. I'm tired. And frustrated."

Biting the bullet, Dean decided to bring up what he thought was bothering her. "I didn't know my dad would be there. I called him but I-I guess I didn't think he'd really show up."

Mae sat down, trying not to wince at the pain in her side. "I'm not mad that your dad was there either. It's...it's good, that he showed up. I'm glad you got to see him. And yeah, it was awkward but considering the last time all three of us were in a room together..."

"So... what's with the attitude?"

"I wouldn't classify it as attitude. I'm...okay yes, I pictured us reconnecting a little different, particularly after all the calls. And, if I'm being honest, it did...I guess make me a little insecure. But you're obviously not of the idea that we should back off things, since you were planning on sleeping with me or Sam, whoever drew the short straw, I guess. So, I can get over being...a dumb girl."

"What can't you get over?"

Now when she grimaced, it wasn't due to pain. "It's-complex."

"That's not answer."

She sighed heavily. "Dean..." It was too deep a breath and she instinctively pressed a hand to her side.

In a heartbeat, Dean was by her side, kneeling in front of her and examining her expression. He spoke in softer, soothing tones now. "Hey, seriously, are you okay?"

"Yeah, I'm really fine. I think I just bruised my ribs."

"Let me look."

"I don't need you fussing over me. You don't look so great yourself."

"Then we'll check each other out."

She rolled her eyes and tuned her head away from him, but he caught the slight smile before she hid behind her hair. "You're incorrigible."

"I actually want to make sure you're okay, okay? I know this wasn't the plan. But uh, thanks for coming."

"I wasn't any help, you know."

"You couldn't have gotten her any sooner. I'm glad you're here all the same. Now, c'mon, strip."

"I do not need to strip to confirm that my ribs hurt."

"You know what I mean."

She knew the jokes and innuendo masked worry. He wouldn't push past a point if she was uncomfortable with it. Mae supposed the only way to get him to back down would be to let him confirm for himself that she was as healthy as she could be, given the circumstances. With a grumble, she shrugged out of her jacket and flannel shirt.

"Damn."

"What?"

Smoothing his fingers over the fabric, Dean didn't hide his frown. "That's a lot of blood."

Despite the burning twinge in her side at the motion, she raised her arm to glance down at her flank. She had indeed been bleeding through her shirt. There were some small but tattered punctures in the fabric. In addition to the blunt force of being thrown against the wall, she recalled the sharp bite of something into her flesh. It must have cut deeper than she assumed.

"Yeah. I guess so. I don't think I'm still bleeding though. How 'bout you?"

"Just cuts and bruises."

"Yeah, me too."

"But-"

"I am not the only one who has to strip in this situation."

His eyebrow twitched as he smirked at her. "Is that a challenge?"

"No, it's...you said we were both going to check each other out."

"Fine. You first."

Gingerly, she took her t-shirt off and watched Dean's eyes go wide for a second. "Oh please, this is hardly the first bra you've seen."

"Yeah, I was actually...babe, you have a giant bruise starting. It's not going to be pretty in a few days."

"I told you I bruised my ribs."

"Are you sure you didn't fracture them?"

"I didn't hear a crack or a pop. I'm not feeling a lot of other pain unless I move wrong or breath too deep."

"At least you don't need to breath or move."

"Shut up. Can you get me so ice?"

"Yeah, of course. You're type A enough to have some heavy duty first aid kit, right? We should get you wrapped."

"Actually, they say not to wrap ribs anymore. It can restrict breathing and make things worse. Ice and aspirin will help most right now. Plus, making sure you keep taking deep breaths and sleeping upright. So, you may want to consider who you're bunking with since I'll be sitting up and frozen."

* * *

A/N-A few quick notes: This chapter had become so unwieldy I broke it into a couple of chapters and this installment will be longer than I planned (I promised 11 or 12 but now there will be more than 12). As always, reviews are always welcome. Last, the next chapter will have some fun, adult situations so if that's not your thing, you may wish to skip it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter 12**

Summary/Spoilers: Takes place right after Shadow and the last chapter.

* * *

Dean hoped Mae hadn't noticed the tension that lingered between them back in Chicago or his strange behavior towards her back at the motel when they'd met up with his dad. It would have been difficult not to, he thought. When he saw her, every instinct in him told him to wrap her up in his arms and never let go. Doing so in front of his father seemed weird and at the risk of being judged, Dean resisted that impulse. He barely said a word to her, and he felt like they hadn't really recovered yet.

They weren't fighting, exactly. Dean didn't know what they were. He knew what he wanted things to be, how he wanted things to be with her. He wasn't used to being so awkward and self-conscious with women, with Mae. He always felt like they could find a way to be comfortable, or at least pretend he was. Maybe that was the solution to the whatever was off between them. Or, he thought, maybe she was feeling just as uncomfortable not and she was in pain.

He didn't have a solution for that. But they were getting along. She was teasing and only a bit resistant to being taken care of which was pretty normal for her, he surmised. The woman had some pretty strong defenses but, in this case, he might be blowing things out of proportion. Dean reminded himself that Mae was still back in their room waiting for his return. So, she couldn't have been that upset about what had happened.

When Dean returned to the room with a full ice bucket, he heard the shower running. Wet, soapy, naked Mae- the prospect made him jump at the opportunity to get closer to his favorite redhead. The thought brought a lecherous smile to his lips and sent his blood pumping hotter before he reminded himself to throttle back. Mae was hurt and bit out of sorts. It was hardly the time for any sort of early morning aquatic gymnastics.

Still, he thought, perhaps she needed some help. Dean was well aware it was a slim excuse and could spectacularly backfire. In pretending he was unerringly comfortable with Mae, he might be so carelessly pushing her out of her comfort zone, he could end up sleeping in his car.

He stropped, just as she had suggested they both do earlier. As soundlessly as possible, he opened the bathroom door and padded inside. Dean eased the curtain back and slid up behind her. Alarmed, she spun around and was lucky to not lose her balance. "Jesus!" She gasped, pressing her hands against her heart.

Dean deemed it quite the achievement to catch her by surprise and had she been on the top of her game, despite being gloriously naked, she would have decked him. She must have been a million miles away not to hear him come in or the slight sound of the shower curtain hooks moving along the rod. The amused quirk of his lips was impossible to keep to himself. The look on her face however, told him that she hadn't expected company and was not as delighted by the gesture. "What are you doing in here?"

She covered herself with her hands although he had yet to let his eyes wander from hers. He was intrigued; she may have been a bit bothered by his presence, but she wasn't shoving him out. At this point, he was so unprepared and unaware of what might happen that he had no plan for to do next.

"We're sharing a room."

To his credit, she thought, his eyes never left her face. "Yes well… I don't mean the room, I mean why are you in the shower with me?"

"You're the one who took the bathroom hostage. Other people have needs, you know." He tried to cover, admitting to himself that there was a sliver of truth in his assessment.

"I—I realize that but—you are in the shower with me."

"I am." He grinned, moving just a little closer to her.

"I'm naked."

"You are."

"So are you."

"You've got a good eye, Red."

An amused frown crossed her lips. "I don't think being naked together is exactly the best situation for us right now."

He reached out to push her hair behind her ear but halfway through the movement, dropped his hand to his side. He wasn't sure if he could freely touch her yet. Dean sighed. "Can we just call this what this is?"

She swallowed hard, from nerves and arousal. "Awkward?"

She could always make him laugh. "A little but I meant… you and me. If what you want is just a friend, someone to hunt with then now's the time to speak up because otherwise..."

"I'm not having sex with you."

"Right now, or ever? Because I can usually tell if a woman is having sex with me, particularly in the moment."

Mae laughed. "No I... this is not a good time to...Dean, I'm in no shape to even think about sleeping with you let alone..." She trailed off as she studied his face for a moment, "Plus we look like hell. I hope you didn't think that just because I was willing to share a room and a bed with you that I was ready to... sleep together quite yet. Are you really up for full-on sex?"

He shook his head. That hadn't been his initial intention of joining her. It had been to reset their tension, create a more awkward situation than just simply talking to each other seemed to have become. This was awkward but somehow conversational now. "No, I like a girl who can breathe freely and who I can touch without making her wince."

"I knew you had high standards. So why are you naked with me?"

"You might need help. With your shower. You're injured."

"Ah so this is a humanitarian aid mission."

"More or less. Can I kiss you?"

Those stony blue eyes widened. "I-you want to kiss me?"

"When we had a chance to before we had company and then we were interrupted. So... can we start over?"

Her lips curved up and there was a little twinkle in her eye as she tried to relax a little. "How far are you trying to go back?"

Very gently he laid two fingers under her chin, mindful of the cuts on her neck, he tilted her head up. "To right about here."

"Isn't this a slippery slope?

"Is that a no?"

"No. You can kiss me."

"You can kiss me back too, just in case you weren't sure."

He leaned in to kiss her, sweetly, affectionately, even as she started to laugh a bit. This was not how she anticipated meeting up with him. She could not have anticipated any of the day's events but somehow, standing in the shower with him, kissing him. If it weren't for the nudity, it would have been sweet.

But it wasn't a completely sweet gesture. Despite her injury and need to clamp down on her emotions, she couldn't stop the dizzying swell of passion, excitement, and craving that filled her mind and body. God, if only, she thought, before pulling back from the heady kiss. Opening her eyes, she cleared her throat and pressed her fingers to her lips.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

Mae hated how he could so easily leave her speechless, and that's just what she was. If she wasn't hurt, she knew she wouldn't have hesitated to make hot, soapy love with him. Even knowing a part of her would break if she gave into her baser urges. But that moment, before everything crashed down around her, it would be perfect.

"Turn around. I'll wash your hair."

She scoffed. Skepticism, curiosity and humor passed over her face. "You know this is objectively weird."

"Why?"

"Because we're in the shower, naked."

"I prefer to shower that way."

"You know what I mean."

"Yeah but...maybe it isn't weird."

"No, it implies a level of comfort and... intimacy."

"You don't think we have that?"

"I think...it's hard."

"Only semi."

"I walked right into that one I guess."

"We don't have normal lives so why follow some set of rules that don't work for us? It's not like we haven't done this before and it's not like it's going to go anywhere you don't want to go. So... can you just try to enjoy it and if you can't do that, at least let me help you do you're not in pain, okay?"

Dean knew he could have pushed her, trying to get to the bottom of her unusual hang up with him. He couldn't figure out what it was, and she hadn't given him enough clues as to why she kept putting off sex. Tonight, it wasn't going to happen, considering their injuries but this wasn't the first time she'd been laughably uncomfortable with the idea of sex with him.

Still, Mae gave him a quite 'okay' and turned around finally. Her hair was already wet, so he grabbed the bottle of shampoo, squeezing a dollop of the substance into his hand. With great care, Dean lathered the shampoo into her long red hair. Her eyes drifted closed, head lulled to the side as he massaged her scalp. She was right, this did involve a level of comfort and intimacy. It wasn't something he'd done with other women. "This okay?"

Outside of a quick haircut here and there, it had been years she realized since she'd let anyone do this. His hands were strong but gentle and his touch was addictive. "Mmm..."

Dean smirked. He had not expected to do this when he joined her. There was something erotic about touching her and seeing that he had turned to putty. She really was beautiful, with those sharp features, soft eyes, and wide mouth. While her eyes were closed, his eyes did wander south. He'd been actively trying to avoid letting her see him ogle her, but he was no saint. Damn, he thought, she was hot. "I think you wore your hair shorter the last time you let me wash it."

She opened one eye dubiously. "You remember the last time we did this?"

"I sort of remember most times I get you naked."

A lackadaisical smile graced her lips when she opened her eyes as she laughed a little. "That makes more sense."

"It's not like that's all I care about Mae."

"I know. This is definitely the most time I've spent just talking without my clothes on."

"Me too. Turn. I don't want to get soap in your eyes."

She did and now being face to face with him again, her chest tightened. He was so handsome but more than that, he was kind to her. All of this would have been easier if he tried, even a little to keep her at a distance. She knew he had that instinct, the same way she did. How was it so easy for him to be open with her? Didn't he see the same risk? Was he just able to overlook it? Her eyes snapped shut, trying to stem whatever emotions he might be able to find there as she tipped her head back to rinse it. His rough hands glided over her hair as the water flowed through it.

"I'm sorry." Mae's words, barely audible over the streaming water, was something Dean though he almost imagined but didn't understand.

"Why?"

"I'm not who you want me to be. I'm not...I don't work the way you want me to work."

His paused his hands. "What are you talking about?"

"You have...all these expectations about what I'm supposed to do, what you want me to do and... I don't know that I'll ever be able to do it the way you want."

"Mae, look at me." Reluctantly, she opened her eyes again. "If I wanted someone who would do whatever I wanted, I certainly wouldn't be with you."

She snorted. "Thanks."

"Listen, I... yeah, if I had things my way, I guess you would have done somethings different and so would I but...do you think I don't know who you are? I get that...you're stuck."

Her brows knit together. "Stuck?"

"In your own head, in some set of rules you've decided to you need to follow, in whatever...whatever makes you need to punish yourself."

The furrow between her eyebrows deepened as her lips pulled together in a pout. "I'm not-I don't do that."

Dean's smiled sympathetically and leaned in to kiss her forehead. "Okay."

"I don't. I'm..." He was right, she knew. "well...I'm..."

"Right now, tonight, we don't need to worry about it, okay? Just worry about right now. Is that so hard?"

She shook her head. "I..." To his surprise, she reached up, taking his face between her hands and kissed him. He didn't stop her, even knowing that there was more desperation to prove him wrong in that kiss than anything else. She didn't hold back this time. If he didn't want more than an awkward night with her, he might have taken advantage of her heedlessness. Instead, he memorized the feeling of her chest against his, the way her hands moved from his face down to his shoulders, the warmth of her body against his, her taste so that he could at least have the fantasy. For the time being anyway.

Slowly, he eased away from her restless mouth. Taking her wrists in his hands, he moved her hands off his shoulders and away from his body. "Hey, you don't need to do that."

"You don't like it?"

"It's clear that I do. But...I don't want you to do it because you think I'm goading you. I didn't say you were stuck because I thought it would get you to do something. I just...I guess I'm trying to say that I understand you're going through something. Let's just finish up, okay? Don't you need conditioner or something."

A different kind of awkwardness settled between them. This one was worse than before. Before, it has charged with sexual attraction and a promise that this was only a prelude. Now, there was artless reality between them, layered with the unspoken expectation of candor that, out of fear, neither embraced.

For Dean, the worst part would be hearing that this was woefully one sided and that none of the feelings he had for her were shared. He didn't know if she felt them with the same intensity but if she didn't feel them at all, then he was sorely out of his depth.

For Mae, she lacked the courage and words to tell him what she thought she should tell him. And he knew it. Well, he didn't know the specifics, she thought, but as he said, she was stuck. Because her feelings for him ran counter to the responsibility she gave herself, Mae wasn't sure that both could exist together. It had been easy when it was just phone calls, to feel the way she felt and to live the life she was living. Worse yet, she knew Dean would understand. He'd try to talk her out of it or talk his way into it, but he would understand.

Mae frowned, "Yeah. Are we okay?"

"Of course. For as objectively weird as we are, we're okay. Now, let me do the conditioner thing."

She did. He was just as gentle as before. Her eyes drifted close as she tried to find a way to make things shift back. It seemed impossible as that old, familiar sadness wrapped tighter around her heart. It wasn't Dean who put it there and she knew it wasn't fir that that feeling held the sort of sway it did over everything else. She kept her eyes closed as he guided her back around to rinse out her hair again.

"Hey, uh Mae," Her eyes fluttered open, 'I think maybe you should give me a few minutes here."

A shadow of confusion crossed her face before she understood what he was asking. She nodded as the soundlessly changed places so he could stand under the water and he turned to face away from her. Mae stepped back and opened the curtain before pausing. While their dynamic was strange, it was still theirs and they didn't have to follow any sort of rules about how things were supposed to be done, she thought. Leaving him after he'd been kind enough to take care of her seemed inadequate. It was certainly unfulfilling on some level, for him anyway. She closed the curtain and stepped against him. He jumped slightly.

"Oh, c'mon Red." he groaned, "I really-"

"Shhh...I know this isn't exactly what you were hoping for between us but..."

Her lean frame molded up against his. He closed his eyes, relishing the soft touch of her hand as it slid from his hip to wrap around him. Her other hand slid upwards, over his abdomen to rest on his chest. Her chest pressed against his back. Only a few inches shorter than him, she was able to rest her chin on his should. As her hand moved, she kissed his neck.

How long had it been since she'd touched him like this? Somehow, in all those years, her touch hadn't changed. It was still a mind-numbing bliss. With doubt, he stilled her hand for a moment. "Mae, this isn't necessary. You don't...owe me something here."

"Didn't you once tell me that it was really unhealthy if a guy didn't come?"

Chuckling, he was glad they weren't face to face because a hot sting of blush crept on his cheeks for a moment. He cleared his throat softly. "Well..."

"I uh... I don't feel obligated to do this. I just wanted to...do something. But if you'd rather fly solo-"

"No, that's...no."

"Good. Then just let me. I promise, I'll still respect you in the morning."

He smirked. He let go of her hand but reached behind him to place a hand on her hip. His other hand braced in front him as the water cascaded over his face and head. Her arms remained wrapped around him, holding him to her as her hand slid fluidly over him. Dean didn't protest any more than he already head. Spontaneous and magnificent. She coaxed shutters and groans from him with the efficient movement of her hand, her wrist and he felt like he was 15 again. She pressed soft kisses along his shoulders and back as she touched him.

He wasn't sure how long she kept at it, but he knew it wasn't long enough to brag about. After reaching his peak, he needed to rest a moment, unsure of what he had done to end up in this situation but grateful, nonetheless. He was going to turn and try to reciprocate the gesture but with a kiss to the back of his neck, she untwined her arms from around him and slipped from the shower.

She called from the other side of the curtain. "I'm just going to get ready for bed, okay?"

"Yeah, sure." he said weakly.


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter 13**

Summary/Spoilers: Takes place right after Shadow and the last chapter.

* * *

Dean lingered under the water for several more minutes, trying to make sense of the woman. He knew he'd hit a nerve when he'd accused her of being 'stuck' but he still didn't know what kept her conflicted. He knew that was the reason she ran hot and cold. As much as he didn't want to play therapist, he wanted her free from whatever was so obviously hurting her.

He couldn't hide out in the bathroom forever. There was no reason to feel uncomfortable around Mae. Yet, he did. He supposed, after all this time they'd spent apart, it was only natural to need time to get used to each other again. Maybe get used to each other for the first time. They were adults now, not clumsy teenagers anymore.

That could have been why things felt so off base. Dean realized he was trying to pick up with her as if the past eight years hadn't happened. He was trying to rekindle a love that would have changed anyway, even without her injury and without that spell sex. They had more issues that most. They also had more of a connection than he'd ever had with anyone else.

When he finally emerged from the bathroom, Mae was dressed. Her red hair had been pulled back and plaited. She puttered around the room. That was the perfect word for it, Dean decided. This was another form of intimacy, although this lacked any sort of sexual charge. With a clearer mind now, Dean wondered what he had been thinking. The room, the shower, it all screamed that he was desperate. He supposed on some level he was. Not for sex, not entirely anyway but to be with her, to be intimate with her.

If sex had been involved, he might have assumed she was a succubus. Perhaps she was one, of a fashion. He could come up with few other reasons he was comfortable with that would have otherwise found him so desperate to be with a woman, in any fashion. Partly, he hoped there was some sort of other reason because then he wasn't just following her around like a love-sick puppy. Dean Winchester did not act like this around women.

Except for Mae. She had a practically supernatural power over him. He was drawn to her, wanted to be with her and couldn't convince himself that he didn't love her. If she wasn't a succubus, he was just a weak-minded man being controlled by a pretty girl. He knew all his attempts at flirtation had only gone so far, never past whatever line she had drawn. During one of the calls, she had flat out told him she wasn't ready, and they hadn't even gotten to real dirty talk let alone phone sex. It was probably too much for him to expect that sharing a room together would change that.

However, she wasn't entirely unwilling to explore something sexual with him. Perhaps that made sense if they had more time but between the two of them, they'd been injured or nearly dead more than enough times to know that there was no guaranteed future. He knew Mae had to see that, had to understand that they should take advantage of every opportunity they had to be together, if they wanted to be together, before lost their chance.

Then it hit him; she was giving him moments of intimacy, he just wanted more. Every time he got close to her, he wanted to be closer. Perhaps he wasn't being fair. Sure, he didn't have everything he wanted from her all at once, but he had more than ever before.

"Are you okay?"

Her voice startled him out of his quiet train of thought. "Yeah. That was... surprisingly good."

An impish smirk bloomed over her wide, pleasing mouth. "Thank you, I think. But that's not what I was asking about. I mean with...everything else. You let your dad go his own way. That can't have been easy."

Dean frowned. "No, that part was easy because...I'm not going to get him killed. Besides, he knows how to do his job, we know how to do ours, so we don't need him here right now."

He wasn't above using her discomfiture with nudity to get him out of the conversation as he whipped off his towel and tossed it over a nearby chair. He moved to his bag to retrieve clean clothes.

Dean may have been more satiated than she was and despite her injury, she wasn't sure that she could keep him at such a distance physically. They were already skirting and blurring those edges of what was friendship and what was romance. And it was hard to argue that their shower was anything but sex. In some ways, sex lacked the depth of just how close they could be together.

But, god, she thought, there was a heat and passion that built in her whenever she saw his face. Or thought about those strong hands cupping her cheek, sliding over her skin, exploring her body with an exquisitely versed hand. She would relish the solid weight of his body against hers, the warmth and taste of his skin, his scent alone causing sheer intemperance.

How perfectly simple it would be to lose herself in his touch, to let him help her forget everything that burdened her. That thought snapped her out of her idle fantasy. It was too selfish to just forget about the promises and obligations. She had an atonement to make and a wrong to right. She knew Dean would see it as selfish or misguided, perhaps even stupid. No, she corrected, he definitely would see it as stupid. He'd suggest they work it together and, ultimately, she knew that their family business would supersede hers.

"Yeah." She cleared her throat as she turned away from him, "well, this would have been really weird in front of your dad."

He laughed, letting her lighten the mood a bit. This didn't have to be awkward if they didn't make it that way. He was willing to accept things the way they were right now. "I'd say. You know this may not be the best time to bring it up but I'm glad you came."

Her lips pressed together if an almost frown as she shook her head. "If I'd gotten there sooner. Maybe-"

Now dressed, Dean stepped up behind her and turned her gently to face him. Dean shook his head before he pressed his fingers to her lips. "You couldn't possibly have gotten to us sooner. And if you had...maybe something worse would have happened. I don't know. It doesn't matter, we're all here now."

He let his hand fall away from her mouth as she began to speak. "We are?"

Sam had been pushing the same argument for the past few hours and he was trying to get away from it. "I told you Red, I stand by letting Dad go his own way on this right now. I've had to argue about it the whole way here and I really don't wanna that with you, okay?"

"Okay. For what it's worth though—and then I'll drop it," she said when his soft smile fell, "It was a tough thing you did, staying goodbye like you did, leaving things so...unknown, rather than charge into this without really understanding what you're dealing with here. I think you're a better man since you can make the right choice even when it's the hard choice. It's dangerous for all of us right now. And that Meg chick… dude, what the hell is up with that?"

"Clearly, she's been playing Sam from the moment she met him. She used us to get Dad here and it's him these demons want, not me and Sam. I've missed Dad like crazy, but I don't want to be a liability to him." It was an understandable concern and she decided the time apart from his father had done Dean good. Not that it hadn't added stress and worry to his life, it had let him gain a certain sense of perspective. "I'm glad you're here though." He repeated.

He was standing so close to her now, one hand on her hip, the other still on her stomach and those hazel green eyes locked right on hers. "I just want you to know, this won't happen again."

Mae tilted her head. "Do you mean the crappy motels, you co-opting my showers, sharing a bed together, or being injured. Because I'm pretty sure there's a good chance I'll get hurt again. I like our unconventional sleeping arrangements. Under different conditions, the shower thing is great. The motels are a given so...what part of that are you going to stop?"

"None of that. I mean this thing with my dad. I won't… give you the cold shoulder in front of my dad."

"Oh. That. Well, it's not like we were there more than a few minutes. Outside of that, I know it might be odd, next time we're all together but… I'm not asking you to be overly affectionate or anything. Yeah, it was a weird night but it's okay. I'm not sure how it wouldn't be uncomfortable."

Softly, Dean ran his knuckles along her cheek. "So, you don't think we should have...stuck together with Dad? I mean this is the fight we've been training for since..."

"I-listen, you and your brother walked into a situation that..." Mae sighed, stepping back. "You said that Meg girl and Sam had met before Chicago?"

"Yeah."

"Whatever is going on, has been going on for some time. Maybe longer than we know. Maybe that whole business in Twin Falls in linked."

His eyes narrowed, then widened a bit. "You think?"

With a shrug, Mae stepped around Dean to busy herself with her bags. "I don't know but she's got access to a ritual and the juice to control, at least for a little while, daevas. Maybe she's the reason that kid go his hands on that super old spell we dealt with."

Dean kept his eyes on her back, watching her lean from. Her movement almost elegant, stifled only by efficiency. He enjoyed watching her. From one bag, he watched her pull out a bottle of pills and a blue ice bag with a white plastic cap. She set them on the dresser before moving to the next bag. "But why?"

"I don't know. Test us? Keep us from finding out something else? Maybe we were supposed to react differently to the spell? Maybe I was supposed to die? Or if I lived, maybe it was supposed to send me running home the way it did with your dad. I don't know."

"Hey, do you think the thing with you and dad, that spell could be related? That maybe it could call be tied together?

This time, she didn't shrug, didn't turn back to him as she tossed the bag on the bed. But it was hardly the first time she'd consider all those points. "Maybe. Maybe not. We're seeing maybe half of what's going on here. Maybe less. And if this is all tied together, to what end?"

"To finish the job, take all of us out."

Now she did turn back to him as she grabbed the pills and blue ice bag. "But why? What could motivate a demon or demons to want to kill all of us. And to take decades to do it. That doesn't make sense to me. If we're supposed to be dead, there are certainly easier and faster ways that we've seen so far."

"Maybe...maybe something else? So how are you involved, if it is tied together?"

"Don't know. I've had some dealings with demons over the years. But maybe it's just happenstance."

It wasn't happenstance, she knew that much. She hadn't connected all the dots, but it did seem like she was connected to the Winchesters more than she ever assumed. The question remained, why though. Mae tried to shake it off, moving to the sink. She took the think plastic wrapping off the flimsy plastic cup before filling it with water. Setting the cup down for a moment, she opened the bottle of pills to take several aspirin. Before their shower, Dean had brought back the ice bucket, filled, and let on the counter. She filled her ice bag and screwed the top back on.

"Happenstance?"

"I don't know, Dean. But, you know, you aren't too worried about this being that big a deal if the only one you want to not keep by your side is your dad. Why aren't you worried about pairing up with me or Sam?"

Dean's lips turned downward, and he twisted his ring. "Because Meg wanted dad, not me or you or Sammy. What are you trying to get at? You think this demon will come after you just because you're here with me?"

Mae laughed. "Not because of you, no."

"Wait, you think they'll come after me? Because of you?"

"I'm not totally ineffectual in this work, you know. Plenty of things would rather see me dead."

"Do you have a demon problem?"

"...we all have a demon problem. Obviously. I'm just-I get that Sam is committed to the idea of going after the demon that killed your mom and Jessica-and I get it, believe me, I get it- but you're the pragmatic one this time."

"You're point being?"

"Listen, there is something to all of this, something that we can't see. I think we need to cover our bases, try to figure out why this is all happening and stopping it where were can. So maybe your dad isn't the only one stronger going solo."

He shook his head. "No. Truthfully, you and Sam have been out of the game long enough and we're safer together. I'm the only one who didn't take off to have a sweet little normal life."

"You have no idea-" Mae took a breath, wincing a bit so she pressed the ice bag to her side. They were both on a raw edge mentally, physically, and probably emotionally. This seemed like three or four fights that threatened to boil up for no good reason. They would not solve any of their old issues that early morning. "Yeah, sure..."

"You're right. Let's not get into this now. I could use the sleep and when we get up, maybe we can get something to eat and figure out where everything stands. Who knows how long Sam will brood by himself. He'll be up our asses in no time."

She nodded, crossing to Dean and the bed one last time, dropping her ice down, and picking up her bag. Unzipping it, she pulled out something from inside.

"Is that a blankie? You hunt with a blankie?"

"It is a super soft, warm blanket that I find much more comfortable that crappy hotel bedding."

Dean recalled her bed at home did have extra soft sheets and plush coverings. While she could be a no-frills sleeper, he liked that she did want a frill or two. Particularly when he got to enjoy them at the same time. "It's a blankie."

Her arms wrapped protectively against the soft, lush blanket as she walked the short distance back to the bed. "I'll make you go sleep with your brother and he's not going to let you cuddle up with a comfy blankie or jack you off in the shower. Or, I mean, probably. I'm just assuming, I don't know what you boys get up to."

"You think you're cute?" He poked her gently in her uninjured side.

"Hey, friendly fire, dude." She still leaned in to kiss him softly on the cheek. "Help me out and pull back the sheet."

Dean retrieved her ice pack, tossed it on one of the nightstands, and then did as she asked. He helped her spread the blanked down and pulled the sheet and comforter back up. "There, happy?"

"Getting there. So... how are we gonna do this?"

"How are we going to...sleep?"

"Well, with my ribs and all, I need to sleep a little more upright. And you might want to sleep like a human."

"I've got an idea."

He arranged the pillows in a stack against the headboard and got in the bed, with the stack supporting his back. Dean shifted, spreading his legs and patting the space between them. "That's your solution?"

"Just get in."

She did, pulling the blankets back up and around them. To Dean's surprise, her blanket was incredibly soft, which was a nice change, and unexpected luxury. He rubbed his feet vigorously against the soft, fuzzy material.

"Don't! You'll mess up my nice blankie with your gross boy feet." Mae chided lightly, rubbing his thigh.

"I just took a shower. They're not gross. You're the one with weird looking feet."

"They are not weird looking."

"They're a little we're looking."

But he stopped the movement of his feet. She settled against his chest, thanking him when he handed her the ice pack. She pressed it against her ribs, pulled her blanket up and used her arm to hold it in place. Gently, Dean's arms folded around her. She didn't hesitate in relaxing against him. He wore boxer briefs and she wore shorts, allowing the legs to press gently against each other's. Despite the fabric of their shirts, she felt the steady and reassuring warmth of his body against her back.

In the past, when she thought about them being good together in bed, she strictly thought about sex. But lately, simply being physically near him, the nearer the better, she found a sense of calm. It was easier to sleep. She didn't have nightmares like she didn't a few years ago but sleep tended to be elusive. Anyone who she'd spent the night with wasn't typically allowed to stay for more than sex.

But here was Dean and he had inverted most of her standard routine with men. He triggered emotions she thought she couldn't feel anymore, emotions she didn't want to feel, and memories that further twisted her thoughts. She knew being with Dean wasn't a betrayal. She even knew, logically, that loving Dean at this point didn't betray any promises she had once made.

Now, it was impossible to be unfaithful. As much as she wanted to believe if could keep things physical with Dean, that it would be easier, her heart wouldn't allow it. For better or worse, she could not take Dean piecemeal.

"Hey, Red. Did you believe that stuff I told you about it being unhealthy for a guy to not come when we were kids?"

She smirked slightly. "Not really. But..."

"But what?"

"It's not like I didn't want to be with you. But when I wasn't ready to go further, I could get you to be glad for a hand job rather than pushing me into sex."

He frowned. "I thought...you wanted to..."

"I did. I told you before though, maybe I was too young. You were the first guy I'd ever been with. The first guy I'd ever kissed or…done anything with. And I was head over heels. It was nerve racking and you were...you were 17, and good looking, and... I just...wanted you to think I wasn't a waste of your time. Besides, you wanted to get laid and if it wasn't with me... hey, I would have been nervous with anyone. At least with you, I knew you...loved me. I was still nervous."

Dean reminded himself, it was always a tricky subject to ask her about the past. She didn't regret it, but she wasn't as undoubtful as he was. "Huh. So, in there, was that because you were nervous?"

"No. That was because I wanted to, and you wanted to and...to your credit you were sportin' wood that whole shower but didn't try anything or make me feel bad about not doing anything to help you out. If you'd known that at 17..."

Under the covers, Dean's hands skimmed lightly over her legs, just above the knees. "And you don't have any interest in me returning the favor? At all?"

"No. I mean, not never. Just not right now. I really want to ice my ribs and sleep."

"That's not exactly my style but, okay."

"I'm sure."

"Hey, I am talented Mae. I've had no complaints."

Mae laughed, lacing her fingers through his to move them off her legs. When she moved his hands to his legs though, she didn't let go of his hands. "You do know I've had sex with you before, right?"


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14**

* * *

Sam paced and fumed trying to work up the nerve or confidence to talk to Dean. He didn't know which because his first insistence was to blow in with righteous anger and insist, they get back on dad's trail, find him, and hunt down the demon, at all cost. It was the only thing that made sense. Except it didn't. And that nagging doubt was the one thing that kept him in check for the time being.

Maybe Dean was right, that despite months of searching and upending his life for this, they couldn't join up with their dad right now. Maybe his dad was right, and this fight hadn't even begun. Sam knew he was in a mood where he could easily throw aside any caution and go after anything and everything that got in his way to killing the demon.

Dean wasn't budging either. Even when is brother was being stubborn, Sam though he was usually able to convince him to do something differently. This time, however, he refused to hear another argument. Sam knew he was right but so was his brother. He didn't exactly know how they could both be right but that's the way it felt.

Mae must have been on Dean's side. Maybe she agreed with the tactic or, Sam though, she didn't want to rock the boat. But once this was all over, she and Dean would have plenty of time together, provided they all survived. And it was going to be easier to make it out of the fight with this demon if they all worked together. Right now, any of them going their separate way created additional targets without back up. Sam wondered if he shouldn't have gone off with their Dad. If he did that, undoubtedly Dean would have followed but maybe that was the right solution. It would have made him feel less useless than biding time in a motel did.

* * *

Mae's internal clock was off. When she woke this time, she was in less pain, but her joints and muscles were stiff. She was still cradled between his legs, his chest firmly against her back, and his arms rested loosely around her waist. His breath was even and deep. For a few minutes she let her breath match his, inhaling and exhaling when he did. If felt almost normal. At the very least, it was nice. She could have drifted right back to sleep in his arms, lulled by his steady breath and the warmth of his body enveloping her.

Somehow, Dean had managed to share her bed more times recently than anyone else. To her surprise and slight dismay, sleeping with him was restful, comfortable. Perhaps she was just too exhausted to do anything but sleep. He was warm though, keeping her back nice and toasty. She could feel his breath pleasantly on the back of her neck. His arm weighed down around her waist, keeping her securely in place. His other arm was stretched out over her head.

It was an intimate embrace and judging from his even breath, he slept too. She like his physical presence. Just like she had told him, she felt safe. She felt safe in a way she rarely did. She knew he couldn't really protect her from every evil thing out there, no one could. But in those quiet, calm moments when it was just the two of them with no static, no conflict, the rest of the world could fall away. Being with him, even after the night before, even given all the extremes between the two of them, this was comfortable, nice. And it absolutely wasn't part of her plan.

She had a very specific mission, a very specific hunt she was committed to and the boys, their problems, and specifically Dean were a deviation she didn't think she could afford. Yet, she didn't want to lose this, to lose him. She knew that Dean would frown, say something snarky if she told him that she felt nice and comfortable with him. No, he would much rather hear about the lust and passion she felt. That was there too, of course, but this was his most dangerous weapon that she knew could wear down her resolve.

Carefully, she extracted herself from under his protective hold., making sure she didn't wake him up as she slid his hands away from her midsection and eased herself away from his body. She glanced at her watch. They'd slept for a good chunk of the morning and they could all benefit from a good meal, or even a bad one at that point.

At the foot of the bed, Mae looked back at young man, still asleep. With a soft sigh, she stepped back to the side of the bed to discreetly tuck him in. "Dammit Dean." she whispered, pressing a faint kiss to his mouth, "I love you."

With somber, she dressed. Jeans, t-shirt, button down flannel, boots. Then, she ever so quietly grabbed her keys and slipped out of the room.

* * *

He was expecting his brother but to Sam's surprise, it was Mae who had knocked on his door.

"Good, you're up." Taking in his scratched and bruised face, she frowned. "You get any sleep?"

He had cleaned up, butterfly bandages on the deeper wounds, mirroring hers and his brother's. They could probably write them off as the result of some minor car accident or some such thing were, they asked by a nosy clerk or waitress. "A little," he said, crossing his arms, "What do you want? Dean send you over here to talk sense into me?"

"No. I thought maybe you'd want to pick something up to eat. You must be hungry. I know I am."

"Where is he?"

Mae fought the smile that tried to creep over her lips. He was in a quarrelsome mood, that much was evident. He used to have the same expression when they were children. Even though she now had to tilt her head up rather than down to look him in the eye, it was still the same. She knew that shouldn't have amused her and he would undoubtedly assumed she was laughing at his annoyance if she let even a smirk escape. "Still asleep. I thought it would do him good."

"Yeah well, bitching about how wrong I am all night probably wore him out. I assume that's what you two were doing."

"Do you really want me to tell you what your brother and I got up to by ourselves, in a motel room?"

Sam closed his eye, trying to push that image out of his head. "Good point. So... you're here to lecture me on your own."

"Dude, food. Do you want to come with? Do you want me to pick something up for you? We gotta eat."

His eyes narrowed. "That's really the only reason you came over?"

"Yup."

"Huh."

"But you are geared up for an argument."

He almost laughed. "Kinda."

With a one shouldered shrug, she offered a tight-lipped smile. "Well...let me in, you can argue with me if you want."

After a pause, he stepped aside, letting her in the room. It was exactly the same as the one she and Dean were sharing, right down to the strange abstract painting of pastel colors and shapes. She wasn't sure if it started out that way or if age and sun had faded it to that point. Either way, it got not points for style.

The room was both devoid of things but somehow empty. There was a king bed, lights attached to the walls, a small and scuffed table, two chairs, dresser with TV and Sam's laptop, a small closet, and the sink and mirror just outside the bathroom. The bed was unmade but it didn't seem like Sam had unpacked anything, so he must have slept a little. The pair took their seats at the table. They didn't argue. Sam told Mae all the things he had told Dean and she didn't bicker or dispute his points. She just listened before she leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees.

"Sam, let me ask you something, what's your end game here?"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean with this hunt, with this demon, what are you planning?"

Shrugging, he let his eyes drift away from hers. "Find it and make it pay. If dad's right, we kill it. It's that simple."

"That simple, huh?"

"I'm not in the mood to solve some kind of riddle or work through some deep-seated emotional shit with you right now Mavis."

Her eyes lingered on his profile a moment before she leaned back in the creaky chair. "I see three possible scenarios. How it plays out." She held up her index finger. "One, you hunt this thing and hunt it for years, but you never find it. Maybe you get killed by some side gig or... maybe you even die of old age. There are a lot of different things that could happen to you if you never find."

His eyes locked on hers as she counted on her second finder. "Two, you find it, but it kills you. Maybe it takes out a lot of people doing in doing it, but you end up dead none the less." she raised the third finger, "Three, you hunt it, you find it, you kill it. And then what?"

He had only entertained one of those scenarios. The third one. He had even dreamed about what he'd done when it was done. He tried to ignore the fact that his dad had not been able to get to the bottom of their mother's death in a handful of months. Sam rolled his eyes. "I don't know Mae. It doesn't really matter does it?"

"Maybe. I don't know. But listen..." Mae paused, ordering her thoughts, "I know what you're going though-"

"You couldn't possibly." He interrupted, "I get that you grew up like this, same as Dean and me but you...I don't even think Dean gets it because all he lost was mom and that was so long ago."

"It doesn't really get better with time. It just gets...different. And knowing what happened, not just having those vague childhood memories, that's what makes it worse. When you know what took a loved one died...and maybe if you had put it all together sooner or better, you could have stopped it. At least your dad was a normal guy when your mom was killed. I mean, maybe. Maybe what normal people do is believe the story about an electrical fire or an attacker or whatever."

Sam sat now, a furrow in his brow but he leaned forwarded to hear more of her rambling tale. "What are you talking about?"

Her eyes closed. "Most people...most people don't turn into this." she gestured around the room, "We're hardly the first people to get touched by something evil, demon or otherwise. Somehow, they can pick up and move on with their lives. But when you can't, when you know what did this to you, and you know if you were still hunting or had been doing your job at least a little better, they'd be alive. Now, you're stuck with that guilt."

"Did Dean tell you about my dreams about Jessica?"

Frowning, she shook her head, and opened her eyes cautiously. She knew about the dreams, of course but no specifics, outside of the one she'd been a part of during their last hunt. "No. What dreams?"

"Nothing. I just...I had dreams about before...and they were exactly what ended up happening. I just thought...I don't know what I thought, certainly not that she'd be killed by a demon."

Sam expected her to explain it away, like his brother had. Mae just nodded. "Hell of a thing knowing that you knew all along what would happened and maybe you could have done something. Even if it's illogical, knowing you know how to stop these things. And that just makes the guild spiral more. It deepens all that anger and resentment. So you decide to put your whole life on hold to make things right, even the score. You know it won't bring them back, you know if they knew maybe they'd even hate what you are now, but you don't care."

There was so much in her mind right then and it all kept spilling out now. Mae continued. "You just know that this thing, this evil thing needs to die. And you follow that. It eats at you, blinds you to...everything." Her eyes drifted closed. "But that feeling, as much as you hate it, feels better than anything else. You know that you really should feel all the...hopelessness, grief, guilt, and actually morn. But none of that feels as good as the thought of revenge. You have this..." her fist clenched at her side a moment, "dark thing inside you that makes...well, it makes it harder to be...normal again. Because you convince yourself that as soon as this is done, you go back to the real you. Except maybe that you also died when that demon smashed through your life. So you're left this this bitter, hollow...thing. Maybe you can't ever be whole again. So, what are you going to do when all this done?"

"Mae...well, that was an oddly specific hypothetical. What happened to you?"

Her eyes opened again. She had gone into an almost trance-like state as she recalled that dark, angry thing inside her. Her gaze drifted, back to that godawful painting for a moment and then snapped back to Sam. "Don't change the subject. I'm tell you I understand because I really do. I'm also telling you that no amount of...anger or determination makes this happen overnight. I've been hunting a specific demon for years. Your dad has been at it for decades. Are you ready to chase this thing for years?"

"Dad said they're close, that he's close."

She shook her head. "Sam, he told me the same thing 3 years ago. Maybe he's closer now but he always thinks he's close and he never has been. Are you prepared to lose that lead, to think you're so close only to have it slip away?"

"You think this is pointless then? That I'm never going to-"

"I'm saying I don't know but...I do know you will burn out if you go this hot, this high, the whole time. And if you find it or not, you'll be worse on the other side of it. And if you don't cool down and take this like a hunter, think about this logically, you'll get yourself or someone else killed."

"You mean Dean."

"Maybe. Or maybe you screw up and get a civilian killed. All I know is that... I get you're in a place where you don't particularly care if this takes you out in the process. Some days, that seems almost like the perfect solution. If it's trying to kill you...then maybe, it's okay if it happens because at least it's done. You tried your best and now your job is done. But are you willing to get your brother killed in the process?"

She wasn't wrong. Not about being willing to let his brother die on this hunt but the rest. Sometimes that did seem like an okay scenario. If he couldn't kill the demon, as long as he was taken out trying, it didn't really matter. "I'm not trying to get myself or anyone else killed here. I just need...I need to see this through."

"You're preaching to the converted here."

"You ever thing about...ending it?"

Her brow quirked. She was certain that Sam hadn't asked Dean that or even shared the possibility that he had that thought. "I... not anymore. With my luck, I'd end up being a vengeful spirit doomed to haunt some shitty motel and get turned into a tourist trap or something."

Sam chuckled. "I guess maybe you do understand, on some level what I'm dealing with. How?"

"You're a smart guy. You've figure it out already."

"I can guess the big parts but all the details..."

"You don't really need to know the finer points of my dealings with demons."

"Does Dean know?"

Her gazed shifted again and she frowned. "No."

"You should tell him."

"No. He'll try to...fix it. He'll help if he thinks he can help and... I won't take that risk."

"If you're not looking for help and you're not here to live out whatever his fantasy is...then this whole thing with him...you're just toying with him?"

That frown, along with her stone blue eyes softened. "No. This wasn't supposed to happen, me and him. And I haven't promised him something I can't give, the opposite in fact. But I can't tell him all this right now. And you know what's funny, is even though he said you boys and your dad needed to go separate ways for the same reason I can't go all in with your brother, I know he'd argue that it was different with us."

"So, he does know."

"I didn't come here to talk about me. I just... if you're looking for my two cents on this whole thing, I don't want you to make a dumb choice just because you're hungry for revenge."

"What's the smart choice?"

She shrugged. "That I couldn't tell you. I know if you want to stay at least a little more like your old self, taking a step back from time to time is the answer. And maybe having your brother by your side, annoying the hell out of you is the best thing for you right now."

His sigh seemed to deflate his whole frame as he sank in the old chair, then ran a hand through his hair. "What are you going to do when this is all over, with your life I mean?"

"Sam, this is just another hunt. When it's over, I move on to the next one."

He almost barked out a laugh. "What?"

"Just because this is personal doesn't mean it's different. Whoever I was before, she died. My demon killed her too. He destroyed that whole life. This is who I am now. What happens next is I move on to the next one, then the next one, and the next one. Maybe in between that I get to have some fun and then, there will be a job or a creature that gets me. Hopefully I've done enough good in my life to keep me out of hell but who knows. So that's what's next for me."

"Yeah but...you could try and have a normal life."

"I did. It didn't suit me and every tie I have to normal is gone. This is what I have now, and I don't have the energy to constantly fight my...nature.

"Are you saying I'm hopeless? That I can never..."

"Sam, I don't know. Maybe you are, maybe you aren't. I mean of all of us...you were the one who took to this the least. Maybe you can finish what you set out to do and then be done. Honestly, if that's what you want, then I really do hope you can. If that's the thing that would make you happy."

She knew he was trying to convince himself more than her, that he wanted her to say something that could give him comfort or reassurance. On some level, the both knew she couldn't. "But you...stopped hunting. It didn't make you happy." He said.

"As similar as our upbringings were, Bobby was much more in favor of kids being kids than your dad was. I mean, I did normal things too. I took dance classes for years, I was on the track team, I had to keep my grades up... self-defense, hunting, all the rest...I think he went along with it because he didn't want me to be caught by surprised or used because he was hunting. And I was so...insistent. But if he could have figured out a way to keep me safe and normal, well, he would have."

"Maybe we should have switched dads."

"You would have loved Catholic girls' school."

Sam snorted. "Yeah. So... what happened to you, to bring you back into the life?"

"I happened, Sam. Even before..." Mae paused. It would have been nice to get it off her chest and talking with Sam was easier than talking to Dean about it. But she could hardly do that to either of them. "well, after college, after all the things I distracted myself with and I settled down into kind of a normal life... I guess you could say I got bored. I started taking little side jobs. You know, spirits with unfinished business, cursed objects...easy stuff. And then...something I thought would be easy, something I thought I wanted to solve...it blew up in my face. And there was no going back after that. Now, here I am, in the middle of...this."

"You know, you're helping us with our thing, we could help you with yours. If you'd tell us what it is."

Mae only smiled sadly. "You...I know you boys would, okay? I do. And maybe I should take you up on it. But...if this demon you're hunting could use your friends and family against you, would you really bring them all along on a road trip?"

"When are you gonna tell Dean, you're leaving. Because I think he thinks you're here to stay."

She closed her eyes. Sam wasn't sure if she was on the verge of crying or not. "I'm not...I've told him that I have to finish the job I started. I can't stop just because I have feelings for... I've already seen him nearly die once, I'm not keen on going through that again and until I finish this...you know how you can't go back to your real life until you get the demon that took Jessica, I can't go back to mine until I've finished my hunt. C'mon man, do you want to pick something up for lunch with me or not?"

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A/N-It looks like there was an error with the first posting of the chapter but it's fixed now. Thanks everyone for the lovely messages and reviews! One more chapter and then on to the next part!


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15**

* * *

Dean wished he was surprised to find his bed empty. He wished that when he rolled over that the bathroom light would be on or the door would be closed. Instead, the whole room was dim. Light from the window tried to pour in around the edges of the drapes and were it darker, the alarm clock might have cast a dim red light. She wasn't in the bathroom, she wasn't curled up against him, and he couldn't determine how long she'd been gone.

At least, he thought, her things were still there. Even if she were trying to ditch him, she wouldn't leave her things. He was pretty sure of that anyway. That gave him few clues as to where she was. The soft blanket slid smoothly over his bare legs as he swung them over the side of the bed and sat up. His body responded with the protesting cry of stiff muscles. He groaned, stretched, and scrubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands.

Everything had been upended when she came back into his life. He hadn't thought much about her in the 3 years since she broke his heart. He hadn't wanted to think about her. And he was happy with that. Well, he wasn't happy, but he could live with it. Now, he found himself making decisions he wouldn't have considered before. But, for everything he enjoyed about being with her, there was still that dissatisfaction knowing she couldn't or wouldn't be as open with him as he was with her.

Accepting that was more difficult than almost anything else. But then, they'd have a night like last night where, while they didn't end up where he wanted, it wasn't all bad. He couldn't begin to explain to himself or anyone else why sharing a bed with her, just sleeping, was so amazing. He fell asleep faster, stayed asleep longer, and had fewer unpleasant dreams by the simple virtue of her presence. Was it her? Was it the relief of all the pent-up tension he had just by trying to convince her that being together was a good thing? Was it even real?

He'd never wanted to just sleep with someone else. There were a plethora of things he wanted to do with her while they were conscious, but he'd be lying if he claimed restful sleep wasn't an enticement. And when he'd gotten past her rebuffs, those other things were pretty good. And getting better. But was that enough? Was the promise of something better, something more enough to keep putting himself through the highs and lows with her?

* * *

He itched for something to do. Or, more accurately, he wanted to know exactly where Mae was and what she was up to but was unwilling to call her and just ask. He knew it was childish, he felt childish because, knowing Mae, she wasn't using this as some form of torment. Wherever she was, she had likely gone there because it was necessary, and she didn't think to wake him so he could tag alone.

Dean checked his watch. He checked his phone. He even did a lap mindlessly through TV channels, hoping to find something remotely interesting. Having no luck in any of his distractions, he decided to dress and drop in on his brother. Even arguing with him about Dad was better than letting his thoughts fester around Mae.

He didn't want his stomach to clench the way it did when he left the room and found her car absent from the parking lot. That didn't mean anything he told himself. She could have run to a pharmacy or a liquor store...anywhere. This was just his fear and insecurity talking. He knew that. But that strange little voice didn't stop on command.

Knocking on the door, he canned the parking lot idly, waiting, perhaps wishing the woman would drive up. He wanted a smile to break out on her face, straight white teeth viable as her lips parted, tiny graceful lines feathering around her stony blue eyes. That twinkle would be there, letting him know that she was genuinely glad to see him. She'd rush up to him, throw her sinewy arms around his neck. She kissed him and when he'd wrap his arms around her waist, lifting her off her feet, it would be almost perfect. But that only happened in his fantasy.

"That was quick," his brother said, affably enough when he opened the door. "Oh."

Dean glowered a bit more as he pushed past his brother and into the room. "What am I? Chopped liver?"

Sam cleared his throat, peering out to see if he would be lucky enough to have Mae following right behind his brother. He wasn't prepared to fight with Dean right then. "No, I just though Mae might be back."

To Dean, his brother shifted in a distinctly nervous fashion. If things were different, if they were dealing with the spell, they'd faced the last time all three of them were together, he would have been jealous. Dean didn't believe anything untoward had happened between Sam and Mae. But Sam did seem keen to avoid him. "She was here?"

"Yeah about 30 minutes ago. She wanted to see what I wanted for lunch. We talked for a while and then she left. Everything okay?"

Dean's brown creased as he sat with a heavy sigh on the edge of the bed. "What did you talk about?"

"I don't know man, just...hunting and stuff. You know, how it is."

Sam though his brother looked almost on the verge of panic. Or rage. Maybe discouragement. Maybe some combination of the three. "You know...this woman drives me insane. If she were any other woman on the face of the earth, I wouldn't waste my time. I mean, at every turn, every time I think things are getting better and she's not completely insane, she pulls back. I can practically feel her counting down the seconds before she bolts."

Again, Sam fell into the role of counselor as Dean needed to talk to someone it seemed. Based on his conversations with Mae, he knew his brother's assessment wasn't totally correct, neither was it completely incorrect. He took a seat in one of the chairs. "Have you considered that, despite your weird history together, that she's still kind of a normal woman, at least when it comes to relationships?"

"What's your point?"

"After all these years, how much time have you really spent together since your falling out? Since you guys made up have you really spent more than a week or so in the same room? Forget about all the crazy stuff with her and dad, the two of you and the spell, or you dying. How much time have you spent just being together?"

"Yeah, a week, maybe a little more. Why?"

"Because, history or not, you're starting over, and you can't expect a week- or however long it might be when you add in the calls... you can't expect that to make her change all of the sudden."

"But we do have a history. She and I know each other. All that stuff that happens when you date someone, where you learn thing about each other, bond, go through stuff that brings you closer, we've done that. We've...done all that stuff."

Sam leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. "I'm just sayin', maybe you're missing something, something that she needs. You might have noticed, she's a bit of a control freak. I'm not saying that's bad but..."

"Yeah, she is. But what am I missing? Has she told you? If I knew what it was...I'd do it."

He wasn't sure if his loyalty was more to Mae, because she had confided in him of his brother, who was unexpectedly seeking his advice about a woman. "Well, I mean, she loves you so...how worried do you need to be. Sure, she might go do her own hunts but it's not like she's bailed totally. It's gotten better between you two, at least from my perspective. You two are already sharing a room now. And I have to admit, I'm all in favor of whatever lowers the risk of me walking in on the two of you is a plus for me."

"Wait, what?"

"C'mon, man, I do not want to see my brother...plowing the girl who's like my sister."

"Aside from the heyday any number of shrinks would have with that sentence, I meant the first part of what you said before that. How do you know she loves me?"

Sam's brow furrowed, first in confusion at the question, then in audacity of the notion that his brother didn't understand how he, or anyone for that matter, could think Mae didn't love Dean. "She...said she did."

"Just like that, she told you she loves me? And then...what?"

"I don't know. She just said that she loved you. I didn't think it was a big deal."

"Unbelievable."

"There's no accounting for tastes." He joked. But Dean didn't shoot back some snarky comment, he only frowned. "Like you didn't know."

"No, I knew but not because she told me. She won't tell me. It's like the words will...I don't, active herself destruct of something."

Sam pressed his lips together. He though Dean might not be so far off base. From the bits and pieces, he'd gathered so far, Mae had started hunting again out of college, in secret or on the side until that secret life caught up to her and someone, she cared about died. And she blamed herself. If she had loved that someone, Sam knew just how difficult it could be to let someone get close again for fear of hurting them and getting hurt. Even if she did love Dean, saying it out loud made it rea, something she could lose, something that could be taken. Keeping it to herself gave her cover. That made sense to Sam anyway. "What happened?"

"When we were at her house after we'd gotten her unpossessed, I... let it slip that I... loved her. I told her she didn't have to say it back and... she hasn't. This whole time she hasn't said it back. But them I'm on my death bed, when she should come to me and profess her undying love, tell me I've ruined her for all men, and she'll never love again...she tells you instead?"

Sam's brow arched skeptically, comically. "You ruined all men for her?"

"Dude, you know what I mean. I just don't get it. Why can't she just...tell me, for fuck's sake? It's not like it isn't obvious and it's not like I don't sense it. It's not like it's unrequited."

"Maybe it's a big deal to her. Did she ever say it when you were together before?"

"Of course! She's only become insane recently."

"Maybe she has a good reason."

"Well, I guess if she does, she'd tell you first because she doesn't tell me shit."

* * *

Dean sat with what his brother had told him for a moment, trying to figure out what it all meant. Mae had been his first love and certainly the most lasting one he'd ever felt. While his feelings for her had been twisted with distrust and betrayal once, they had returned to normal. But Mae didn't seem to go through that shame change. Of course, they had been operating under two drastically different understandings of that night he had found her with his dad.

Maybe she didn't need to re-calibrate her emotions. Or maybe she did. Clearly, she had some need to distance herself then as she did now. Maybe Sam was right and there was something she needed in order to return to normal with him.

When Mae did return to the motel, she didn't arrive with the warm embrace he had imagined but she did return with food. She had brought Sam his and he and Mae returned to their room. While he was hungry, and the burger and fries she brought back did smell appetizing, he couldn't take his eyes off her.

Was Sam right? Did he need to give this thing more time? It seemed like something they didn't have in abundance, couldn't and shouldn't spare. Not when they had all the right pieces to make something work. She ate her sandwich, oblivious to his scrutiny at first. When she did notice, she gestured at the take-out box in front of him with the French fry in her fingers. "Eat. You have to be starving."

"Yeah."

Then she frowned after her eyes searched his face. "Oh Jesus, what? You can't be mad because I didn't wake you up before I got food. You got a little extra sleep and now you have meat. Bacon and everything."

"It's not that. It's just..."

"What?"

"I get the feeling that...maybe I'm imagining that there's something between us. Or maybe it's not enough of something to make a difference to you."

"That's not remotely true."

"Then not to sound too…too much like a chick here but what _is_ this?"

It wasn't unusual for him to be a little more open with her than normal but his discomfort in talking about the one thing they tiptoed around somehow made it easier. Mae smirked. "I don't know. It's not just... I have feelings for you, feelings that kind of scare me."

"Scare you? What about me or being with me could scare you?"

"I feel something for you I shouldn't, not when... Listen, if you had come back in my life at a different time, this would all be different. Maybe it would easier or harder but either of those would feel more...final, like there was a clear answer. I really need a clear answer because when I get around you, all my clarity goes away. I'm scared of what could happen if I let things go blurry. I guess that doesn't answer your question."

Feeling that this was going to be a longer conversation, Dean now started eating the burger. "I'm a big boy. I don't need you to protect me. And I can protect you if things can get too... blurry."

"No one said you couldn't, but I also don't need someone to protect me. I told you before, I still have a hunt to finish and I've been working on it. I'm not going to tell you all the details. But I've been working on it. And I think I can end it. I have to before I can...move on."

"Why won't you tell me? I know you're after demons." He examined her features, looking for any sort of indication that she was shocked. Maybe shock would make her talk about the real issue. But her face was ever neutral. "I can help. I can hunt anything."

"I know you're capable and I know that...some parts would be easier with help. But the bottom line for me is...there's a lot I'm willing to accept and risk and learn to live with but if you get hurt or worse on this one...I wouldn't ever get over it. It would...break me in ways I can't-"

"Mae..."

"I'm getting there, okay? I'm," she laughed cynically to herself momentarily, "I'm really close. My last gig...I have a good lead on getting the jump on this demon. That's as much as I can give you and I'll understand if it's not enough but...I can't let this one go and I won't let you get killed."

"Mae, you can't be so...naive to think that you and me being together is going to get either of us killed.:

"Give me a little credit. You did just tell your dad that he was stronger without you and Sam in lockstep with him."

"This is different."

Mae closed her eyes for a moment, shook her head. "It's not. I know this demon I'm after, really well, okay? I know that it will use anything I bring with me against me. That means you, maybe Sam, and certainly my emotions. That's its...greatest weapon.:

"Then why...why start up with me at all?"

She had, of course, thought about just that. "If you recall, I did try. I didn't-I didn't plan for this."

Dean laughed, causing her to frown. "What?"

"Nothing, just something Sam said. But you could have...when we first met up again, you could have just lingered in the distance, you didn't need to let me know, you didn't have to join us."

"I know. I know. I... your dad called me and asked me to look in on you after he went off the radar, hunting down your demon pretty much full time. And believe me, I have asked myself more than once why I didn't just say no. But-well, he's been helping me too, with my demon. Or maybe he's just been using me to deal with the ones he can't get to...I don't know."

Dean paused both eating and talking with her for at least a minute. "You think?"

"It...it kinda makes sense. He's been sending you and Sam on jobs, cases he's been keeping an eye on for years."

"Shit."

"Well...it's not the worst thing. I would have helped him do just that. And I thought I'd just scope you out from a distance from time to time, tell Dean you were okay. Seeing you again, it was just too hard. The fighting at least kept us at a distance, emotionally. But that didn't change-I mean, I don't think whatever is going on between us is routed just in growing up together or whatever goes along with someone being your first love. You have to admit, this thing between us is really...weird."

"It's a good weird though."

"Yeah, good weird and believe me, I would love to just..." Mae leaned back from the table, "You know, I told you brother that this is who I am now, who I've always been, and I don't really anticipate doing anything but hunt. I know after this demon, there will be another one, not a personal but yeah. And there doesn't seem to be a shortage of evil things out there."

"You're right. So why not find whatever little bit of fun or, dare I say, happiness where we can?"

"Hey, I'm not saying no. In fact, I really want that, which is a...is something I haven't felt in a while. I just need you to...trust me. I need to do this, and I need to not worry about seeing you dead because of me. I know that's not the answer you want, it's not the answer you're looking for, but I can't bend on this."

Dean pushed the now empty to-go container away from him. Having talked more, Mae wasn't finished, and it gave him the opportunity to steal a fry from her box. "In the meantime, we get so close to being close."

"If this is about sex, like I said we can bang it out and see if that fixes things," She scooted away from the table and began unbuttoning her jeans. "Listen, have a blast, just don't touch my side or make me breath too hard."

He laughed and rolled his eyes at her. "Yeah, not getting to touch a hot chick while she breaths normally, that sounds like so much fun. Keep your pants on, Red. It's not about sex, not really. Well, not totally. I mean, yeah, I think it's clear we've got this crazy chemistry and we've never been more able to act on it. If you were any other girl..."

Dean took a deep breath as he watched her fasten her jeans again.

"I know you want...more. But, right now, if I let myself jump in with both feet, throw away all my planning and caution...I'll be lost."

There was a vulnerability in her eyes he rarely saw as she spoke. The feeling mirrored in his soul but rather than run from it, he wanted to embrace it. Being lost with her was the best possible sensation, at least the few times he'd ventured close enough to it to feel that way. "Lost?"

"C'mon, I can't be the only one who feels...encompassed when we're together. It's different from lust or love or..." she closed her eyes, "I've never felt like this with anyone else. I've been in love before, I've been consumed with desire, but this is something so different. I don't even know what it is, what I'd call it, but I know I could easily..."

She trailed off but Dean absolutely understood the sensation. That overwhelming craving to simply be near her. It wrapped all his longing, affection, and contentment together that made whatever they were doing better than doing any of them with anyone else.

"You know, I want to fight this out with you 'til we got things figured out. That's always my first instinct with you."

Her heartache lessened just a bit. "You want the thing we figure out to be what you want."

"I don't think I'm wrong."

"I don't think I'm wrong either."

"I have this feeling like we're supposed to be together."

"I know. Me too. But that doesn't change my math. It makes it stronger if anything. We can't be together if you're dead and if I was the reason you died...I couldn't forgive myself."

He frowned, frustrated. He and Mae were on the same page, but it seemed like neither of them would budge from their positions. He understood hers though and she understood his. He reached across the table to place a hand on hers.

"I get that. I don't want to see you dead either. But we're here and I'm tired of going around and around on what we're doing. I want you to be honest with me. I want to be honest with you. And I want us to deal with the things bothering us. I'm not good at walkin' on eggshells around you and I don't like to do it. I don't want one day for us to be fine and the next leave me wondering if you're going to run off. Now, if that's too much, tell me now."

She was quiet. It made him worry that she might say it was too much for her. "No," She finally said, "it's not too much but…" another sigh broke her speech as she realized he was going to make her say it, "I still can't...I'm not okay with putting you at risk because I enjoy being with you."

"I don't know who you lost, but that's what this is about, right? Someone you loved got hurt by this demon you're dead set on hunting alone and you think it's your fault."

"It is, okay? It was absolutely my fault."

"Maybe it was, maybe it wasn't but I am not some guy off the street. I am... well, I'm really good at this. It's the only thing I've ever done. And I am willing to take the risk of being a target. Not just to be with you but if this were just some random demon or creature, I'd put myself in the line, same as you. And, no offense Mae, but if you think that feeling some way for me can only be used by a demon when you're within a certain distance of me, well then, you're not as good at this job as you think."

Dean nearly smirked at her pout. "I don't think that. But I can't make sense of what I want and what I need."

A year ago, he never would have imagined any of this. A year ago, his life was not anything close to what he wanted but at least it was simpler, more predictable. He didn't think his brother would be pulled back into the lifestyle, he didn't think his dad would go off on his own like this for as long as he had, and he certainly didn't think he'd make up with Mae, let alone longing for her to be in his life more. He thought she was a distant memory and a woman he would never see again. Even six months ago, he wouldn't have assumed he would end up sharing a bed with her and hoping to continue that practice.

And he had his answer to whether all of the turmoil was worth it. Because the thought of losing what he had now when he could do something to change it hurt too much. He gave her hand another squeeze as he closed his eyes for a moment. There was still one thing left for him to ask, however. "Hey Red? One more thing."

"What?" She asked quietly.

"Start hunting with me again?"

The End

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A/N-That's the end of Swing Your Heartache. The story will pick right up in The Truth Between You and Me! As always, thank you for the kind reviews and messages!


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